(no subject)
What a weekend... I didn't make it into work today, I felt way too crappy.. not as a result of this weekend I think, just felt like trash.. nausea, headache, whole body soo tired..maybe i'm knocked up? woldn't that be funny...not at all... This single life is taking a lot out of my system... These people are driving me crazy (in a good way most of the time though- until the next day anyways when I feel like shit). What is it with guys who have a girlfriend? All I know is my trust in the male persuasion has decreased dramatically in the last couple of weeks or so... Nothing has really been done to me( i guess I can say I feel somewhat used, but they should to- ha ha), but these guys are so quick to lie to their girlfriends and call me to hang out etc... I guess I shouldn't complain too much because I allow it to happen, but as awful as it sounds, I'm not the one getting hurt by these guys. It's when it starts to hurt me thanI'll tell them all to fuck off for my own well being... One of my girlfriends keeps telling me that as long as I'm okay with whats going on, then let it ride, and so far thats what I'm doing, but I don't know... given the choice I'd rather have a steady BOYFRIEND.. Not just some guy I have a good time with... I want that other person to feel complete, but no SETTLING this time.. those days are done.. I hate the act that I still want V... It kills me that all the things that are wrong with us will never change... I think he'd be happy if we were together and it was all how it was now (if I could do it without being all retarded). What I mean is I think that he's happy with seeing me once a week, sexing like champs, and then talking the rest of the days. I think he's happy with how inimportant he makes me feel. Well, that's probably not a fair statement, I think he just doesn't care how unimportant he makes me feel when we're not actually sitting face to face together, or holding eachother and shit<---(that sounds so bloody gay).He can make e feel sooo good, but in a flash he can make me feel soooo awful, without even trying. I really need to get over him. I just hate loking for a new boyfriend.. most of the guys I've been with lately just aren't it.... I wish someone was... I hate how BLAH I sound, because besides my "relationship" or lack there of, all my shit is going well.. everything else IS just falling into place, but i don't know, I hate that the one thing I've want more than anything (a steady good solid realtionship, with a guy who has the same amount of respect for me as I do for him, who shows the same amount of love that I'm showing him, who wants to make our happiness and longetivity a priority,who has similar goals, without a ton of baggage) is the thing that i'm missing... maybe all of that is too much to ask?? Probably, but I'm not going to settle this time....