i need to win the lottery

[jasmi]

my life was never meant to be about going thru the motions.
and i'm not saying that i'm lazy or everyone else should have to work and i shouldn't have to.
i want to work.
just not like this.
and i guess when i got sick i threw up my optimism, cause i haven't felt this low in a long time.

i'm not happy at home.
i feel uninvolved in everyone else's lives.
i hvae a job that i promised myself i'd never have.
the boy i care about is too far away.
they're always too far away.
which i suppose is just as well, because if he were closer, i'd probably just fuck it up.

i'm miserable.
and about one push away from just up and leaving.

i'm not meant for this.