I'm Still Here
"Johnny Rzeznik - I'm Still Here"
I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
Or a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway...
You ignore me,
And Ill never be what you want me to be.
And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no. I'm a man.
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
You don't know me 'cause I'm not here.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.
They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And they’ll want to just whispers,
And lies that I’ll never believe.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
--------------------------------------
When I'm threatened I hide. I've been doing it all my life.
When my father would charge into my room to yell at me or beat me, i would look for some way to escape. My father yelled all the time. You never knew when he was going to erupt into some tirade. I lived in fear of him. I still fear him though he's been dead 6 years now. I still expect him to come crashing through my bedroom door and start beating me for some unknown reason yelling all the while at the top of his lungs. This is the dad I know. This is fatherhood. Scream and yell. Force yourself in where you are not wanted.
Lately I've been working on my misconceptions of God the Father in light of my own father. This misconstrued version of God I now call "Dad the Father". I've been trying to break free of Dad the Father thinking. I want so much to see God for who He is as everyone else knows Him to be. God is faithful to me and so kind. I can't express how much change God has put me through in the last couple of months. I hardly recognize me some days and yet i am petrified of God's hand. The same hand that is loving and kind is also the same hand that crushes and destroys. Some days I feel like the guy with the one talent in Matthew 25.
"Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art a hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strewed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine."
I can identify with this guys line of thinking. Through my dad's eyes I see God as someone who reaps where He has not sown though I know it is not true. Just like my dad, force yourself in where you are not wanted. I have to correct my thought life. I have to rewrite my ways of thinking and remember that God has never abused me. Everything He does He does to my blessing and benefit. He takes what was intended for bad and makes it for good. That doesn't sound like abuse to me. I want God to be welcome in my life and not to be seen as the hand the crushes, but the hand that blesses.
-j.
I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard.
Or a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway...
You ignore me,
And Ill never be what you want me to be.
And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy, no. I'm a man.
You can take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah, you stand here on your own.
You don't know me 'cause I'm not here.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
The don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted, I could be
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid
And I wanna tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They can’t see me,
But I’m still here.
They can’t tell me who to be,
‘Cause I’m not what they see.
And the world is still sleepin’,
While I keep on dreamin’ for me.
And they’ll want to just whispers,
And lies that I’ll never believe.
And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
I’m the one now,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m the one,
‘Cause I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
I’m still here.
--------------------------------------
When I'm threatened I hide. I've been doing it all my life.
When my father would charge into my room to yell at me or beat me, i would look for some way to escape. My father yelled all the time. You never knew when he was going to erupt into some tirade. I lived in fear of him. I still fear him though he's been dead 6 years now. I still expect him to come crashing through my bedroom door and start beating me for some unknown reason yelling all the while at the top of his lungs. This is the dad I know. This is fatherhood. Scream and yell. Force yourself in where you are not wanted.
Lately I've been working on my misconceptions of God the Father in light of my own father. This misconstrued version of God I now call "Dad the Father". I've been trying to break free of Dad the Father thinking. I want so much to see God for who He is as everyone else knows Him to be. God is faithful to me and so kind. I can't express how much change God has put me through in the last couple of months. I hardly recognize me some days and yet i am petrified of God's hand. The same hand that is loving and kind is also the same hand that crushes and destroys. Some days I feel like the guy with the one talent in Matthew 25.
"Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art a hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strewed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine."
I can identify with this guys line of thinking. Through my dad's eyes I see God as someone who reaps where He has not sown though I know it is not true. Just like my dad, force yourself in where you are not wanted. I have to correct my thought life. I have to rewrite my ways of thinking and remember that God has never abused me. Everything He does He does to my blessing and benefit. He takes what was intended for bad and makes it for good. That doesn't sound like abuse to me. I want God to be welcome in my life and not to be seen as the hand the crushes, but the hand that blesses.
-j.