Over their living body...

[jasesth]

Title: Over their living body
Genre: Crack
Rating: PG-13
Cast: DBSK (OT5)
Length: One-shot; un-beta
Disclaimer: Got the idea after watching a funny Japanese prank. Dong Bang Shin Ki doesn’t belong to me, they belong to each other. Contain the presence of crude words. This fic is totally fictional. Weak heart readers are warned to read at their own risk.

Ending with a smash hit performance on the comeback stage of Inkigayo after a year and 7 months of hiatus since the lawsuit ended. The change of management, fan bases worldwide and being one of the Kpop legends, they are more than ready to take the world once again with their new album - Horizontal Dancefloor.

No one expected their return as no news leaked about it across the net. The unexpected surprises everyone and the next moment, registration of the fan cafes shoot through the roof. Words of congratulations among close friends and juniors are heard everywhere. Twitter had a dramatic server breakdown from the massive number of tweets in the time span of 5 minutes. Over 800,000 people worldwide tweeted words of congratulations and trending topics on the twitter list. As for Facebook, pages of wall posts, comments and pictures about their comeback causing a short moment of denial of service. Topping the search engines and headlines of the news on the news site for a week, their comeback is indeed impressive as proven by all the above situations.

They didn't know that when they have something for everyone, someone else have something for them too.

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“Guys!” Yunho call out the rest to the living room. “What’s up hyung?” Changmin ask with a bag of cookies in his hands, looking at Yunho with a similar expression as the others. “I got a call from Manager Noona that we need to attend a conference at Thailand tomorrow.” “WHAT?!” a screeching yelp and groans from the members. “Aw man… chill and Junsu I forbid you from screaming within this house.” Say Yunho rubbing at the temple. “Oops… mianhae hyung.” Junsu apologizes and made a funny face in return. “Anyway pack your bags for 2 to 3 days worth, I hope I won’t see a crazy big luggage of cloths that is meant for a month worth and get the bags ready by tonight, I don’t want to hear screaming and see you guys running around looking for your stuffs in the morning because there is no time to waste tomorrow. 9am sharp at the airport, no rooms for negotiation.” With that Yunho end the ‘meeting’ and Jaejoong goes to him discussing more details regarding the conference while Junsu and Yoochun engages in a pissing contest on the couch.

“Its break one’s duck, you duckbutt. Not break a duck!” Yoochun almost scream at Junsu, fighting over whose phrase is correct. “Its break a duck and not break one’s duck, you WIDE forehead.” Junsu argue back. “Oh my… why do I have to tell by the OH MY GOD, SUN founder plus duckbutt for a correct phrase when I’m better in English?” Yoochun mocked. “Because you fail, forehead. You call a deer Rudolph, when it supposed to be D-E-E-R deer.” Junsu says proudly. Before Yoochun can retort back, Changmin explodes.

“What a day that I need to see two fails fighting here? Not like any of you are smarter than me…” Changmin mumbles sarcastically now munching on his chocolate mousse layered cake. “Poor duck that have to be broken by these two idiots, totally good job.” leaving the two staring at him mouth open and speechless.

****************
After an almost 6 hours flight, they reach Bangkok airport at 10am local time. Their manager informs them that transportation is provided by the company at the airport. So now standing in front of a van and a 5-seater sedan, the guys are wondering if they are being played.

“Are you telling me that we have to take this 5-seater sedan? As usual, being the leader Yunho tried talking out with the drivers in his broken Thai which only means failure in trying to break the language barrier. Leaving with no choice, as their stylist and manager are taking the van they decided to bear with squeezing in that 5-seater car. It’s totally crazy, imagine 5 people squeezing on the remaining 4 seats and worse with Junsu that have the butt which occupies more space than other usual people; breathing seems like impossible task for Yoochun, Jaejoong and Changmin. Out of random, Junsu decided to practice his Kenyan and having the rest looking at him like he has gone mad. Not expecting that the driver understands Kenyan, their faces look like the most absurd thing that has happen right then. But when the driver started a conversation with Junsu, Junsu swear he saw the rest jaw dropped and stare at them.

“Su, what the heck you guys talking? You understand that you are surrounded with people that don’t understand a freaking shit you are talking.” Yoochun ask with annoyance and Jaejoong agreeing nodding his head. Before Junsu can reply, Yunho interrupted “Can you ask him to drive slower? I want to ensure we arrive there safe and sound.” “Sure hyung!” and he resume talking in Kenyan again. Changmin observed that they are going through the smaller alleys instead of the main road. Instead, he didn’t voice out this thought since he don’t know the reason why the driver goes here. Who knows maybe they will reach faster through these lanes? He isn’t familiar with the roads here so he can’t do anything.

“&@%^@#$%^&#$%$&^%*$@^$%#$^” Junsu chatted happily with the driver, the speed of the car slowed down from what Yunho feels. “*&$@$%&**%%$$#@@$%^^&**%$#@&” the driver reply back. Just then, swearing and shouts are heard behind them. Yoochun and Jaejoong turn back and look with difficulty and shocked to see group of people riding the bikes are chasing them with wooden batters and paintball guns. Yoochun swallowed his saliva hardly. “Holy Jesus, what’s that?” Jaejoong voiced out. Yunho look from his side mirror and shriek in horror. “Crap, what’s that? They look like mafia to me… oh no… I don’t want to die here!” panicking, he started mumbling incoherent words. As the driver realized the situation earlier with the rear view mirror, he had picked up the speed of the car. Oblivious to the danger they are facing, Junsu is happily asking the driver to go faster in Kenyan as he proclaim that it’s similar to the scenes in movies.

A sharp turn, the car landed in one of the markets. Due to the high speed, stalls are knocked over with the stuffs flying in the air and piling in front of the car or flew in to the car. Everything is in a mess; Changmin grabs a few fruits on the way, Jaejoong and Yoochun busy sending the flying poultry out of the windows while Yunho keep himself busy with meat pieces, sheets of cloths and pairs of shoes. Well Mr. oblivious is as usual being oblivious to the surroundings. Just when they thought being chase by a group of ‘mafias’ is bad enough, there comes another group of ‘consultants’ in cars chasing after them from the front. Without any warning, the car took a sharp turn to the right. Unknown to them, that path actually leads to a road on construction in the middle. The guys saw it and they went pale. With the fast speed, Yunho, Jaejoong, Changmin and Yoochun think that they are not going to make it over it. They are going to die right here in Thailand, far from their parents and fans. /* Umma and Appa, forgive me for not able to be a good kid to you. Jihye ah take good care of them on my behalf! Taepoong, Appa love you! Umma and Yoohwan, I’m sorry for not able to see you guys again. Yoohwan take good care of Harang, Harang I love you! Jiji, Yoyo and Vick, sorry that Appa never take good care of you guys and I’m going to die now. I love you guys forever! Mangdongie, I’m sorry that I can’t take good care of you anymore. Umma and Appa please burn a lot of food for me so that I won’t get hungry. */ Thought the guys, as they say their last wishes in their mind.

Just as they thought they will crash into the site and die, the vehicle suddenly tilt to the right moving on 2 of the wheels. Changmin swear he want to die by crashing into the hellhole not by massive weights on him. Junsu’s massive butt is the major killer for his death. Wind is totally knocked out of his lungs, as second passes he thinks that it’s the cruelest way of dying. Yoochun and Jaejoong are screaming for the driver to drive back to the original position. Before they even end their screaming, the car reverts back and Changmin thank God that he can finally breathe. Yunho curse that he is having a bruise on his head due to the impact on the landing. He wanted to kill the driver, but they are running for a schedule and for the time being he doesn’t want to be a fugitive as yet.

They thought they are safe from the chasers but seems like God doesn’t plan it that way. They still see the ‘mafias’ and as they pass by 1 small lane, they can see the ‘consultants’ heading towards their way. The next thing they know, they just crashed through a restricted state land. With that fast driving, the car is mostly bouncing off the slope rather than moving down. More bruises for the guys. Junsu, who is still in the Movie-land, busy screaming more Kenyan to the driver. Jaejoong and Yoochun are too stunned to speak. Changmin is still munching on one of the flattened apples. Suddenly a BOOOM sound shocked the hell out of them. Yunho realized that something in front of them just broke into a fire and they are heading towards the direction. “Oh my Jesus, you are not going over that bloody fire, not over my dead body.” He shouted at the driver. Too late, the car flew over the fire. Upon landing, the car doors at the back drop on the floor. Hanging to Jaejoong for life, Yoochun cried like never before. “Hyung, door... no door…. I am going to fall and die…” “No way Chun, Hang on to me. You don’t die on me. Not now, not ever.” Jaejoong pulls Yoochun towards him. While Changmin is struggling to hang on his life not to squeeze out of the car by that stupid big butt, his apple drop and that instance he sees the apple gets exploded into pieces and so is the back of the car on fire. Uh oh… things aren’t going well totally. They are in a FREAKING LAND FULL OF LANDMINES DAMN IT! With Yunho struggled with the driver to get the control of the car on the Hapkido skills he had, they have successfully avoided some. BOOM BOOOM BOOOOM the mines exploded.

JaeChun are totally crying like no tomorrow. Hugging each other tightly, Changmin trying to get himself calm but seems to fail. Junsu still quite oblivious to the situation, he is even squealing to the existence of landmines! “More! More!” he squeals. Changmin look at his hyung, has the landmine blew up his brain? How can he scream for more in this kind of time? Holding on to the back of the driver seat tighter, Changmin hums upon the rock hoping for a miracle though he might not be a Christian. Jaejoong hold on to the back of Yunho’s seat while Yoochun hug the death of him, not that he mind but he is very scared too so it kind of helps. All of a sudden, they felt the vehicle tilting again. The people on the back are holding on to their lives (other than Junsu). THUMP THUMP THUMP the car rolled down the slope. Decided that they might not live after this despite of the previous death attempts, the boys shut their eyes waiting for their death to come.

Guess they are really God’s favourite boys since their death is once prolonged. After the long rolling, they landed ‘safely’ and ‘unharmed’ next to an empty highway other than the roof of the car which is being thrown off to the roadside after all the rolling. Thinking they are finally safe, they hears ruckus from afar. Without further instructions to stop the driver, they are once again hitting the road with the speed of 180km/h. As usual being the oblivious, Junsu stands up from his seat and look through the open roof and scream. Jaejoong and Yoochun too stunned to do anything, while Changmin hope that none of their chasers spot Junsu and Yunho still busy fighting with the driver… This time will they be brought safely to the place or will they die, no one knows.

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A/n: I'm sorry if the story doesn't end up crack. Tried my best to get it to be crack. :)