Fic: Can't Let You Go (Logan/Veronica), 7/?
Title: Can't Let You Go (7/?)
Author: jasecarly
Pairing/Characters: Logan/Veronica
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Word Count: This chapter - 4,185
Rating: PG13
Summary: I can't let you go, Logan. I'll never be able to let you go.
Can't Let You Go
Part 7: We Did This . . .
January 2012
Veronica bit her bottom lip as she surveyed the various boxes in front of her. Did it really matter which one she bought? Weren't they all the same? She reached out to pick one up, but took another cursory glance down the isle. The last thing she needed was someone from the neighborhood to catch her red-handed so to speak. That would put the cherry on the top of her oh so freaking awesome day. Her focus went back to the boxes in front of her.
Whatever, she thought to herself and dropped three different brands into her basket.
She started down the isle and spotted Tom Cavanaugh, a neighbor in her complex, coming her way.
"Fuck," she cursed under her breath.
She grabbed the nearest available item to cover up the boxes. Of course it would be a package of super-maxi pads. Her face started to tint red.
"Veronica, hi," Tom greeted her.
A shaky smile graced her face and she discreetly flipped the basket behind her back. "Hi, Tom," she sighed.
"How's everything going?"
Tom was one of the first people she met when she and Logan moved into their new condo six months ago. He was always trying to make nice with her and a huge part of her was convinced he was doing it because she was living with Logan. If Logan were here, he would tease her for being so distrusting of strangers. But it was true. For some reason the allure of the Echolls family still piqued the curiosity of the public. Aside from Logan's company and the recent charity he started, he was pretty much no news, however. Veronica suspected that Tom was looking for a glimmer of gossipy goodness.
"Funny running into you here," he was saying.
"Yeah," she fake laughed. "Thought I'd catch up on some shopping before work."
"I know how that goes . . . well, I'll see ya around," he told her with another grin before leaving.
She sighed to herself. Maybe he really was just trying to be nice.
She dispelled her thoughts and quickly made her way to the checkout line. She should have followed her first instinct and bought her items far away from home, but she couldn't wait a day longer. And Logan wasn't home. And she had called in sick from work. Plus, there was only so much Bitchy!Veronica Logan was going to take. And this way she'd finally have an answer.
-------
She paced the bathroom quickly, her arms crossed over her chest. She wasn't pregnant. Sure she was late with her period, but that didn’t mean anything. It happened sometimes. And there was that crazy flu bug going around at work. That would explain the constant urge to puke. And work was really stressful right now. That would explain the bitchy attitude with Logan.
She wasn't pregnant.
She glanced at her watch and sighed. She picked up the first white stick. Pink. She glanced at the box. Pink was positive. She went to the next one, convinced the first was a mistake. There were two small dashes. According to the box - pregnant. The third stick showed a plus sign. She didn't have to look at the box this time. She was pregnant.
"Oh, shit," she groaned. "This is not good." She stared at all three tests and shook her head. "How the fuck did I get pregnant?" she asked herself out loud. "I mean, I know how . . . but, God, how the fuck did I get pregnant?"
She shook her head as she realized she was talking to herself. At least it explained the horrible nausea whenever she smelled cheese and the current bitch streak she was on and why she cried at that stupid Disney commercial two nights ago. She quickly dug the heels of her palms into her eye sockets for a moment. Pregnant. She stared at the pregnancy sticks and felt the familiar twinge in her stomach. She quickly lifted the seat of the toilet and tossed her cookies for the second time that day.
"Why the hell do they call it morning sickness if it happens any time of the day?"
God. How the hell was she going to break it to Logan?
-------
Logan sighed when he pulled into the garage and parked next to Veronica's Saturn Vue. He was half-heartedly hoping she wouldn't be home. She had already cussed him out that morning for leaving the toilet seat up again and he really wasn't in the mood for round two. His plan was to go in, grab some dinner, and veg in his office pretending to work while he played video games online.
He opened the door to their condo and tentatively smiled when he saw Veronica sitting on the living room couch. "Hey, sweetie," he started. "Get out of work early?" She turned to face him, her face strained. Logan started to frown as he made his way toward her. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Her mouth opened and she quickly shook her head rethinking her thoughts.
"Veronica?"
"We need to talk," she finally sighed.
And internally Logan groaned. If he had to hear one more lecture about his "disgusting" bad habits, he was going to stab himself in the ear.
"Okay," he started slowly. "But if this is about this morning--"
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.
Logan's entire body froze and the color drained from his face. Veronica watched him carefully as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Okay, yeah, that wasn't the way she wanted to tell him.
"Logan?" she called out to him.
He laughed nervously and slowly sat down. "Sorry. What'd you say?" He was sure he heard her wrong.
"I'm pregnant." Her voice was stronger this time and she congratulated herself on her effort.
"Huh?" was Logan's meek reply.
She rolled her eyes at him and stood from the couch. "I'm pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Bun in the oven. The stork's coming. Preggo."
"Huh?"
It's like the words weren't connecting in his head. All he could hear was 'wah wah wah wah' like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Maybe he was having a stroke.
"Logan."
That part he understood. He nodded his head for her to continue.
"I'm pregnant."
Nothing. It was like he had gone deaf.
"Logan, we did this." She made an 'o' with her thumb and index finger and repeatedly stuck her other index finger into the hole quickly. "Which led to this," she grabbed a throw pillow and stuffed it inside her shirt as best she could. "And then it's gonna do this." She put the pillow between her legs and threw it at his head. "Pregnant, Logan! With a baby. You know those things that eat and sleep and poop all day and grow up to become annoying teenagers?" She started to hyperventilate. "Oh God how are we gonna take care of a baby?"
He simply stared at her motionless.
"Logan, are you listening to me?" He continued to stare off in silence. "Logan, snap out of it. I'm freaking out enough for the both of us."
He still didn't move and she started to become concerned. She moved to stand in front of him and cradled his face in her hands. "Logan? Logan, it'll be okay," she told him, unsure if it was for his benefit or her own. "We'll be okay. We can do this, right?"
Logan finally responded with a quick nod of his head. The only thought in Logan's head was fear. A kid, he was going to have a kid. How the hell was he gonna be capable of taking care of a kid? He briefly wondered if it would look like him or Veronica, or a combination of the two. Some small part of him congratulated himself. Was that a typical male response another part thought. He was man enough to make a baby after all. After a longer moment, he finally realized that Veronica was trying to coax him back to her.
"What?"
"I said, are you okay now?"
"Yeah," his voice cracked and it gave away the lie. "I mean, I will be." He quickly stood and had Veronica sit down. "How about you, are you okay? Do you need water or something?" He ran a hand down his face and was surprised to notice the moisture of sweat clinging there. Was he that freaked out?
Veronica yanked his hand down and he didn't protest when he finally sat down next to her.
Thoughts of his own father starting to flood through his mind and the panic once again set in. What if it was hereditary? What if he turned out to be a shit of a dad just like Aaron? Jesus, what if he got pissed off one night and just slapped the kid like Aaron used to do to him? His mouth felt dry and he ran a shaking hand through his hair.
"What is it?" Veronica asked him worriedly.
"Nothing," he lied and tried to smile.
"Logan--"
He sucked in a breath. "I was just thinking . . . about Aaron."
It dawned on her where he was going with his line of thinking. "You're nothing like him, Logan."
He nodded slightly. "Yeah."
"Look at me."
It took him a moment, but he finally turned his head in her direction. After all these years she knew when to push and when not to. When he got in contemplative moments like this, she knew that Logan would eventually share what he was feeling without any prodding.
"He used to get so mad," he finally began quietly. "Over the most stupidest shit I would do. I'd stand there and wait because I knew that after the yelling or the threats, he'd tell me to go to his closet and get one of his belts." He swallowed thickly and Veronica bit the inside of her cheek as she listened. "And then I'd wait till he had his drink, facing the wall, and wait for that first crack of the belt against my back."
He shuddered remembering the abuse he had to go through. Veronica placed a calming hand on his shoulder and he slightly flinched. She quickly pulled away with an apology.
"It's not you," he told her quietly.
"I know," she whispered back.
It wasn't the first time he had talked about the abuse with her, but it was a topic that he never brought up nonetheless. She had known for years, since they were in high school, and although she had mentioned it a time or two, she never pushed him to talk about it and he was grateful for that.
"You're not Aaron, Logan. You're nothing like him. I know you wouldn't hurt me or this baby for that matter. That's not you."
"Yeah," he merely answered. He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?" he called out to her.
"Water, please."
He quickly pulled out two bottles of water from the fridge and lingered in the kitchen for a moment before coming back out.
"I won't lie, Logan. My mom was one of the first things that popped into my mind. But it was like promising myself I'd be nothing like her. We had some crappy parentage between us--"
"Aside from your dad and maybe my mom."
"Right, we just have to be nothing like Aaron or Lianne and I think we'll be okay."
He smiled at her and ran a hand down her hair. The initial shock starting to leave him, he finally focused a hundred percent on Veronica. "So you got a kid in there, huh?" he asked her with a smirk and placed his hand over her flat belly. "That's kinda cool."
"Kinda creepy too," she laughed.
"So this is why you've been such a bitch lately?"
"Hey, it's the hormones!"
He laughed softly as she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Veronica?"
"Hmmm?"
"Marry me."
She started to choke on her own intake of breath. "What?"
"Let's get married."
"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we have to get married."
"I know that. But honestly, Veronica, that's where I always saw us going. I'm in this for the long haul. You're it for me. This baby just kinda solidifies it in a way. Let's get married."
She was still rendered speechless. "Logan--"
"What?" he asked calmly.
"Logan, I love you. I do. But I don't want to get married. Not right now. Maybe sometime in the future. The far future."
He started to frown.
"It's not you, Logan. It's just . . . we haven't had the best track record of marriage in our families. Plus, why screw up a good thing? I'm happy the way things are right now."
"Veronica--"
"Just-- let's talk about this later. Like after the baby comes."
He nodded thoughtfully and they both thought about Veronica's last words.
"We're gonna have a baby," he finally said aloud.
Veronica snorted. "Weird, huh?"
They both laughed softly.
"So we're doing this?"
"Yeah," he grinned. "We're doing this."
He leaned over and kissed her softly. "Your dad's gonna kill me," he laughed.
She rolled her eyes at him. "Stop over-exaggerating. He'll be fine. He'd only kill you if you like abandoned me in my hour of need."
"And we both know that's not gonna happen."
"Exactly."
"A baby," Logan repeated softly. And the impact of that simple four letter word hit them both hard. Inside they both trembled with panic, trying desperately to keep it from the other.
-------
Two weeks later
Keith smiled when he saw Veronica and Logan on his doorstep. "Honey, I didn't know you were coming over today."
"Are you busy? We could come back later," she quickly offered, trying to turn around, but Logan had a firm grasp on her waist.
"Don't be silly. It's never a bad time for you." He enveloped her in a hug and kissed the crown of her head.
"Logan," Keith smiled as they warmly shook hands.
"Hey, Keith."
Although it took quite some time, Keith and Logan were in a good spot. Keith had accepted a long time ago that Logan was 'it' for Veronica and honestly at first he struggled with that thought, but he was now at peace with it. He knew Logan loved her and he knew he wouldn't hurt her and would protect her at all costs. And honestly, what more could a father ask?
"So what brings you out this way?" he asked as they sat down in the living room.
"Dad," Veronica smiled. "We have news."
He looked between the two and grinned. "You're getting married."
Logan snorted at the irony and Veronica blanched at her father's assumption. "What? No, dad, its--" She turned to look at Logan and then back to her dad. "We're going to have a baby."
Keith's mouth fell open in shock. "You're pregnant?" he finally vocalized, running a hand across the top of his head.
She nodded a little, a small smile on her face. "We just saw the doctor today and got the confirmation."
"Wow," Keith finally managed. "How far . . . how far along are you?"
She looked at Logan and he squeezed her hand. "Seven weeks. Due date is September 5th."
Keith nodded his head distracted. He felt . . . old. It was ridiculous, he reasoned. But he just felt too young to be a grandfather. Too young for his little girl to be pregnant.
"It's kinda confusing, but they told me they go by that forty week schedule or something," she continued to ramble, her eyes focused on her dad. "Because, it's, you know, January and how can I be seven weeks along and--"
Logan squeezed her thigh slightly, trying to calm her and she took in a breath. This was so much harder than she thought. Not that she thought her dad would disown her or anything. She just didn't want to disappoint him. She didn't want to disappoint herself or Logan for that matter. And now that this kid was in the picture, her life had been thrown for a loop, turned upside down and every which way except for the right way. She felt like she was trapped in a snow globe as the rest of the world flittered past her like little plastic snowflakes.
She shook her head at her own thoughts. "Dad, you okay?" she finally asked him quietly.
He finally smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm just surprised that's all."
"Believe me, I know," Logan mumbled softly.
Keith chuckled and finally got to his feet. "Congratulations," he sighed as he hugged Veronica. This was it. There was no more denying it anymore. His little girl really was grown up. That's what he was really struggling with. He just didn't think it would hurt this much when he finally came to terms with it.
"You'll always be my little girl," he told her as he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Don't forget that." Her eyes misted over as she nodded. He finally let her go and briefly hugged Logan, clapping him on the back. "Congratulations," he told him with a smile. "For your sake, I hope it's not a girl."
Logan smiled shakily as he wrapped his arm around Veronica again. "Thanks."
"So," Keith began as they sat back down. "When are you two getting married?"
Logan barked out a laugh as Veronica blanched at his question. "She said 'no'," Logan told him amused.
Keith's eyes widened slightly. "Really?" he asked Veronica.
"I just don't see the point," she sighed. "And it's not like we've had the best track record of marriage successes in our families. No offense, dad. Why mess up a good thing for a piece of paper that tells me what I already know?"
Logan shrugged as Keith looked at him. "My offer's not going anywhere, she knows that. When she's ready--" Veronica elbowed him in the ribs. "If she's ever ready, all she has to do is say the word."
"Sounds good to me," Veronica sighed, ready to drop the topic.
"So," Logan began, trying to uplift the mood. "What do you want the kid to call you?" he asked Keith. "Gramps? Grampy? Pops? Granddaddy? PoPo?"
Keith raised his hand to stop him, his amusement peeking through. "Let's not think about that until he's talking, huh?"
-------
"I don't know if I can do this, Mac," Veronica told her quietly. "What if Logan's right?"
Mac's eyes widened in surprise. "You--you mean about being like Aaron?"
Her head quickly whirled toward Mac. "No! God no. I mean what if he has the right idea about freaking out? What if he up and leaves?"
Mac chuckled softly as she wrapped an arm around her friend. "Those must be some really whacked out hormones you got going on."
"Hey!"
"Veronica, listen to me. Logan is not going to up and leave you because you're pregnant. You know he wouldn't. He is madly, deeply, disgustingly passionately in love with you. Always has and always will be. You two are like Elizabeth and Darcy, Luke and Laura, Ross and Rachel, Jim and Pam, Mulder and Scully--"
Veronica laughed. "You can stop now."
"You get my point though," she smiled. "Veronica, if he was gonna leave, he never would of asked you to marry him."
"He did that because I'm preggo."
She sighed again. "Look, Logan would kill me if he knew I told you this, but he's been thinking about asking for a few months now."
"What?"
"He was worried you'd say no, so he never actually asked." She smiled softly. "I guess he was right." Veronica started to tear up and Mac slightly widened her eyes at her reaction. "What is it?"
"I can't believe he wants to marry me," she sighed. "I can't believe I'm crying over this," she snorted. "I'm such a freakin mess."
"You're stressed out, that's all. I mean, you just found out you're pregnant, that's . . ."
"It's insane. Mac, I'm serious. I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be a mom. Logan and I are in such an incredible place right now. We just moved, I have this great job, he's doing amazing with the shops and the new charity, and now all of that's gonna change."
Her head tilted curiously at that thought. "Why does it have to change?"
"Because," Veronica paused. "Because it won't be the same. I'm not mom material we all know that. Maybe . . . maybe this isn't such a good idea."
Mac snorted. "Veronica, the world is not going to end because you're having a baby. You and Logan are going to be fine. It's just one more person to love."
"You're such a cheeseball," Veronica finally laughed.
"Seriously, I think you two are going to be great at this whole parentage thing. And you damn well know that Logan is going to spoil this kid rotten. He's going to give this kid the complete opposite of his own childhood. He's going to do that because he loves you and he might not know it yet, but he loves this kid already. Just like you."
"You have got to stop with the Psych 101."
She grinned in return. "Let's start from the beginning. I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and you answer yes or no as fast as possible. Got it?"
"Is this what you do all day?"
"Got it?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes."
"Is your name Veronica?"
"Yes."
"Do you live in Neptune?"
"Yes."
"Do you hate your job?"
"No."
"Do you love Logan?"
"Yes."
"Do you want this baby?"
"Yes."
Veronica's eyes went to her friend.
"I guess you're having a baby," Mac laughed. "Is it too soon to call godmother?"
Veronica hugged her tightly. "I'll definitely put you at the top of the list," she laughed. "Thanks, Mac."
"Don't even mention it."
-------
"Veronica's pregnant."
Charlie grinned widely at Logan. "You're finally making me an uncle, little brother?"
"Yeah."
He came up to Logan and hugged him. "Congrats!"
"Thanks," he smiled meekly.
"I take it this wasn't planned?"
Logan snorted loudly. "Far from. But we're dealing with it. It's just . . . this is huge you know. Half the time I don't even know how I'm able to maintain . . . and now there's this -- kid out of the blue."
Charlie chuckled softly. "You're gonna do great. You both are. How's Veronica doing?"
"I think she's fine. She tells me she's fine, but I know she's kinda freakin out."
"I bet."
He paused for a moment. "I asked her to marry me."
Charlie's eyebrows lifted high. "Wow, Logan. That's huge."
"She said no," he chuckled.
"What? Why?"
"I think dealing with the fact that she's pregnant is enough for now. We'll see. Maybe in a couple years she'll change her mind."
"So how are you doing with all this?" he asked him concerned. "Really."
"I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I was scared shitless." He stood, beginning to pace across Charlie's living room. "I don't know if I can do this being a parent thing. And Veronica's freaking out enough as it is - I don't want to add to her stress ya know? God, Charlie, I'm not made to be a dad. I don't know how and fuck it's not like I had a good role model with Aaron. What if I screw up this kid's life? What if I turn out to be like--" He didn't finish his thought. He'd been over this with Veronica and that was enough.
"Like Aaron?" Charlie finished for him anyway.
He simply nodded. "Veronica and I-- we already talked about this, but what if it's true? What if it's in my blood?"
"Logan," Charlie sighed. "Sit down for a minute and listen to me."
He reluctantly did as he requested.
"I wish I could tell you the secret to being a great dad, but I can't. And it's not like I can give you personal experience either. But I've seen you with those kids you teach to surf. You're patient and caring and protective."
Logan snorted at that.
"It's true. Personally, I think you're going to be a great dad. Do you know why?"
"Because Veronica will kick my ass if I'm not?" he half joked.
Charlie smiled at him. "No. It's because I know that you're going to act the complete opposite of Aaron. That's all you have to do. And about this bullshit about it being in the blood - that's all it is Logan - bullshit. There's a difference from someone growing up like you did knowing that it was wrong and someone growing up thinking that behavior is normal." He clasped a hand on his shoulder. "I mean it, Logan. You're going to be a great father. Without a doubt this is going to be one lucky kid. You just have to remember you're not alone. You have Veronica, your friends, and I'm not going anywhere," he grinned.
Logan finally let out a breath. "Thanks, Charlie."
"Don't even mention it, little brother."
Part 8: This Was My Mom's . . .
Author: jasecarly
Pairing/Characters: Logan/Veronica
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Word Count: This chapter - 4,185
Rating: PG13
Summary: I can't let you go, Logan. I'll never be able to let you go.
Can't Let You Go
Part 7: We Did This . . .
January 2012
Veronica bit her bottom lip as she surveyed the various boxes in front of her. Did it really matter which one she bought? Weren't they all the same? She reached out to pick one up, but took another cursory glance down the isle. The last thing she needed was someone from the neighborhood to catch her red-handed so to speak. That would put the cherry on the top of her oh so freaking awesome day. Her focus went back to the boxes in front of her.
Whatever, she thought to herself and dropped three different brands into her basket.
She started down the isle and spotted Tom Cavanaugh, a neighbor in her complex, coming her way.
"Fuck," she cursed under her breath.
She grabbed the nearest available item to cover up the boxes. Of course it would be a package of super-maxi pads. Her face started to tint red.
"Veronica, hi," Tom greeted her.
A shaky smile graced her face and she discreetly flipped the basket behind her back. "Hi, Tom," she sighed.
"How's everything going?"
Tom was one of the first people she met when she and Logan moved into their new condo six months ago. He was always trying to make nice with her and a huge part of her was convinced he was doing it because she was living with Logan. If Logan were here, he would tease her for being so distrusting of strangers. But it was true. For some reason the allure of the Echolls family still piqued the curiosity of the public. Aside from Logan's company and the recent charity he started, he was pretty much no news, however. Veronica suspected that Tom was looking for a glimmer of gossipy goodness.
"Funny running into you here," he was saying.
"Yeah," she fake laughed. "Thought I'd catch up on some shopping before work."
"I know how that goes . . . well, I'll see ya around," he told her with another grin before leaving.
She sighed to herself. Maybe he really was just trying to be nice.
She dispelled her thoughts and quickly made her way to the checkout line. She should have followed her first instinct and bought her items far away from home, but she couldn't wait a day longer. And Logan wasn't home. And she had called in sick from work. Plus, there was only so much Bitchy!Veronica Logan was going to take. And this way she'd finally have an answer.
-------
She paced the bathroom quickly, her arms crossed over her chest. She wasn't pregnant. Sure she was late with her period, but that didn’t mean anything. It happened sometimes. And there was that crazy flu bug going around at work. That would explain the constant urge to puke. And work was really stressful right now. That would explain the bitchy attitude with Logan.
She wasn't pregnant.
She glanced at her watch and sighed. She picked up the first white stick. Pink. She glanced at the box. Pink was positive. She went to the next one, convinced the first was a mistake. There were two small dashes. According to the box - pregnant. The third stick showed a plus sign. She didn't have to look at the box this time. She was pregnant.
"Oh, shit," she groaned. "This is not good." She stared at all three tests and shook her head. "How the fuck did I get pregnant?" she asked herself out loud. "I mean, I know how . . . but, God, how the fuck did I get pregnant?"
She shook her head as she realized she was talking to herself. At least it explained the horrible nausea whenever she smelled cheese and the current bitch streak she was on and why she cried at that stupid Disney commercial two nights ago. She quickly dug the heels of her palms into her eye sockets for a moment. Pregnant. She stared at the pregnancy sticks and felt the familiar twinge in her stomach. She quickly lifted the seat of the toilet and tossed her cookies for the second time that day.
"Why the hell do they call it morning sickness if it happens any time of the day?"
God. How the hell was she going to break it to Logan?
-------
Logan sighed when he pulled into the garage and parked next to Veronica's Saturn Vue. He was half-heartedly hoping she wouldn't be home. She had already cussed him out that morning for leaving the toilet seat up again and he really wasn't in the mood for round two. His plan was to go in, grab some dinner, and veg in his office pretending to work while he played video games online.
He opened the door to their condo and tentatively smiled when he saw Veronica sitting on the living room couch. "Hey, sweetie," he started. "Get out of work early?" She turned to face him, her face strained. Logan started to frown as he made his way toward her. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Her mouth opened and she quickly shook her head rethinking her thoughts.
"Veronica?"
"We need to talk," she finally sighed.
And internally Logan groaned. If he had to hear one more lecture about his "disgusting" bad habits, he was going to stab himself in the ear.
"Okay," he started slowly. "But if this is about this morning--"
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.
Logan's entire body froze and the color drained from his face. Veronica watched him carefully as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Okay, yeah, that wasn't the way she wanted to tell him.
"Logan?" she called out to him.
He laughed nervously and slowly sat down. "Sorry. What'd you say?" He was sure he heard her wrong.
"I'm pregnant." Her voice was stronger this time and she congratulated herself on her effort.
"Huh?" was Logan's meek reply.
She rolled her eyes at him and stood from the couch. "I'm pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Bun in the oven. The stork's coming. Preggo."
"Huh?"
It's like the words weren't connecting in his head. All he could hear was 'wah wah wah wah' like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Maybe he was having a stroke.
"Logan."
That part he understood. He nodded his head for her to continue.
"I'm pregnant."
Nothing. It was like he had gone deaf.
"Logan, we did this." She made an 'o' with her thumb and index finger and repeatedly stuck her other index finger into the hole quickly. "Which led to this," she grabbed a throw pillow and stuffed it inside her shirt as best she could. "And then it's gonna do this." She put the pillow between her legs and threw it at his head. "Pregnant, Logan! With a baby. You know those things that eat and sleep and poop all day and grow up to become annoying teenagers?" She started to hyperventilate. "Oh God how are we gonna take care of a baby?"
He simply stared at her motionless.
"Logan, are you listening to me?" He continued to stare off in silence. "Logan, snap out of it. I'm freaking out enough for the both of us."
He still didn't move and she started to become concerned. She moved to stand in front of him and cradled his face in her hands. "Logan? Logan, it'll be okay," she told him, unsure if it was for his benefit or her own. "We'll be okay. We can do this, right?"
Logan finally responded with a quick nod of his head. The only thought in Logan's head was fear. A kid, he was going to have a kid. How the hell was he gonna be capable of taking care of a kid? He briefly wondered if it would look like him or Veronica, or a combination of the two. Some small part of him congratulated himself. Was that a typical male response another part thought. He was man enough to make a baby after all. After a longer moment, he finally realized that Veronica was trying to coax him back to her.
"What?"
"I said, are you okay now?"
"Yeah," his voice cracked and it gave away the lie. "I mean, I will be." He quickly stood and had Veronica sit down. "How about you, are you okay? Do you need water or something?" He ran a hand down his face and was surprised to notice the moisture of sweat clinging there. Was he that freaked out?
Veronica yanked his hand down and he didn't protest when he finally sat down next to her.
Thoughts of his own father starting to flood through his mind and the panic once again set in. What if it was hereditary? What if he turned out to be a shit of a dad just like Aaron? Jesus, what if he got pissed off one night and just slapped the kid like Aaron used to do to him? His mouth felt dry and he ran a shaking hand through his hair.
"What is it?" Veronica asked him worriedly.
"Nothing," he lied and tried to smile.
"Logan--"
He sucked in a breath. "I was just thinking . . . about Aaron."
It dawned on her where he was going with his line of thinking. "You're nothing like him, Logan."
He nodded slightly. "Yeah."
"Look at me."
It took him a moment, but he finally turned his head in her direction. After all these years she knew when to push and when not to. When he got in contemplative moments like this, she knew that Logan would eventually share what he was feeling without any prodding.
"He used to get so mad," he finally began quietly. "Over the most stupidest shit I would do. I'd stand there and wait because I knew that after the yelling or the threats, he'd tell me to go to his closet and get one of his belts." He swallowed thickly and Veronica bit the inside of her cheek as she listened. "And then I'd wait till he had his drink, facing the wall, and wait for that first crack of the belt against my back."
He shuddered remembering the abuse he had to go through. Veronica placed a calming hand on his shoulder and he slightly flinched. She quickly pulled away with an apology.
"It's not you," he told her quietly.
"I know," she whispered back.
It wasn't the first time he had talked about the abuse with her, but it was a topic that he never brought up nonetheless. She had known for years, since they were in high school, and although she had mentioned it a time or two, she never pushed him to talk about it and he was grateful for that.
"You're not Aaron, Logan. You're nothing like him. I know you wouldn't hurt me or this baby for that matter. That's not you."
"Yeah," he merely answered. He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?" he called out to her.
"Water, please."
He quickly pulled out two bottles of water from the fridge and lingered in the kitchen for a moment before coming back out.
"I won't lie, Logan. My mom was one of the first things that popped into my mind. But it was like promising myself I'd be nothing like her. We had some crappy parentage between us--"
"Aside from your dad and maybe my mom."
"Right, we just have to be nothing like Aaron or Lianne and I think we'll be okay."
He smiled at her and ran a hand down her hair. The initial shock starting to leave him, he finally focused a hundred percent on Veronica. "So you got a kid in there, huh?" he asked her with a smirk and placed his hand over her flat belly. "That's kinda cool."
"Kinda creepy too," she laughed.
"So this is why you've been such a bitch lately?"
"Hey, it's the hormones!"
He laughed softly as she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Veronica?"
"Hmmm?"
"Marry me."
She started to choke on her own intake of breath. "What?"
"Let's get married."
"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we have to get married."
"I know that. But honestly, Veronica, that's where I always saw us going. I'm in this for the long haul. You're it for me. This baby just kinda solidifies it in a way. Let's get married."
She was still rendered speechless. "Logan--"
"What?" he asked calmly.
"Logan, I love you. I do. But I don't want to get married. Not right now. Maybe sometime in the future. The far future."
He started to frown.
"It's not you, Logan. It's just . . . we haven't had the best track record of marriage in our families. Plus, why screw up a good thing? I'm happy the way things are right now."
"Veronica--"
"Just-- let's talk about this later. Like after the baby comes."
He nodded thoughtfully and they both thought about Veronica's last words.
"We're gonna have a baby," he finally said aloud.
Veronica snorted. "Weird, huh?"
They both laughed softly.
"So we're doing this?"
"Yeah," he grinned. "We're doing this."
He leaned over and kissed her softly. "Your dad's gonna kill me," he laughed.
She rolled her eyes at him. "Stop over-exaggerating. He'll be fine. He'd only kill you if you like abandoned me in my hour of need."
"And we both know that's not gonna happen."
"Exactly."
"A baby," Logan repeated softly. And the impact of that simple four letter word hit them both hard. Inside they both trembled with panic, trying desperately to keep it from the other.
-------
Two weeks later
Keith smiled when he saw Veronica and Logan on his doorstep. "Honey, I didn't know you were coming over today."
"Are you busy? We could come back later," she quickly offered, trying to turn around, but Logan had a firm grasp on her waist.
"Don't be silly. It's never a bad time for you." He enveloped her in a hug and kissed the crown of her head.
"Logan," Keith smiled as they warmly shook hands.
"Hey, Keith."
Although it took quite some time, Keith and Logan were in a good spot. Keith had accepted a long time ago that Logan was 'it' for Veronica and honestly at first he struggled with that thought, but he was now at peace with it. He knew Logan loved her and he knew he wouldn't hurt her and would protect her at all costs. And honestly, what more could a father ask?
"So what brings you out this way?" he asked as they sat down in the living room.
"Dad," Veronica smiled. "We have news."
He looked between the two and grinned. "You're getting married."
Logan snorted at the irony and Veronica blanched at her father's assumption. "What? No, dad, its--" She turned to look at Logan and then back to her dad. "We're going to have a baby."
Keith's mouth fell open in shock. "You're pregnant?" he finally vocalized, running a hand across the top of his head.
She nodded a little, a small smile on her face. "We just saw the doctor today and got the confirmation."
"Wow," Keith finally managed. "How far . . . how far along are you?"
She looked at Logan and he squeezed her hand. "Seven weeks. Due date is September 5th."
Keith nodded his head distracted. He felt . . . old. It was ridiculous, he reasoned. But he just felt too young to be a grandfather. Too young for his little girl to be pregnant.
"It's kinda confusing, but they told me they go by that forty week schedule or something," she continued to ramble, her eyes focused on her dad. "Because, it's, you know, January and how can I be seven weeks along and--"
Logan squeezed her thigh slightly, trying to calm her and she took in a breath. This was so much harder than she thought. Not that she thought her dad would disown her or anything. She just didn't want to disappoint him. She didn't want to disappoint herself or Logan for that matter. And now that this kid was in the picture, her life had been thrown for a loop, turned upside down and every which way except for the right way. She felt like she was trapped in a snow globe as the rest of the world flittered past her like little plastic snowflakes.
She shook her head at her own thoughts. "Dad, you okay?" she finally asked him quietly.
He finally smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, of course. I'm just surprised that's all."
"Believe me, I know," Logan mumbled softly.
Keith chuckled and finally got to his feet. "Congratulations," he sighed as he hugged Veronica. This was it. There was no more denying it anymore. His little girl really was grown up. That's what he was really struggling with. He just didn't think it would hurt this much when he finally came to terms with it.
"You'll always be my little girl," he told her as he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Don't forget that." Her eyes misted over as she nodded. He finally let her go and briefly hugged Logan, clapping him on the back. "Congratulations," he told him with a smile. "For your sake, I hope it's not a girl."
Logan smiled shakily as he wrapped his arm around Veronica again. "Thanks."
"So," Keith began as they sat back down. "When are you two getting married?"
Logan barked out a laugh as Veronica blanched at his question. "She said 'no'," Logan told him amused.
Keith's eyes widened slightly. "Really?" he asked Veronica.
"I just don't see the point," she sighed. "And it's not like we've had the best track record of marriage successes in our families. No offense, dad. Why mess up a good thing for a piece of paper that tells me what I already know?"
Logan shrugged as Keith looked at him. "My offer's not going anywhere, she knows that. When she's ready--" Veronica elbowed him in the ribs. "If she's ever ready, all she has to do is say the word."
"Sounds good to me," Veronica sighed, ready to drop the topic.
"So," Logan began, trying to uplift the mood. "What do you want the kid to call you?" he asked Keith. "Gramps? Grampy? Pops? Granddaddy? PoPo?"
Keith raised his hand to stop him, his amusement peeking through. "Let's not think about that until he's talking, huh?"
-------
"I don't know if I can do this, Mac," Veronica told her quietly. "What if Logan's right?"
Mac's eyes widened in surprise. "You--you mean about being like Aaron?"
Her head quickly whirled toward Mac. "No! God no. I mean what if he has the right idea about freaking out? What if he up and leaves?"
Mac chuckled softly as she wrapped an arm around her friend. "Those must be some really whacked out hormones you got going on."
"Hey!"
"Veronica, listen to me. Logan is not going to up and leave you because you're pregnant. You know he wouldn't. He is madly, deeply, disgustingly passionately in love with you. Always has and always will be. You two are like Elizabeth and Darcy, Luke and Laura, Ross and Rachel, Jim and Pam, Mulder and Scully--"
Veronica laughed. "You can stop now."
"You get my point though," she smiled. "Veronica, if he was gonna leave, he never would of asked you to marry him."
"He did that because I'm preggo."
She sighed again. "Look, Logan would kill me if he knew I told you this, but he's been thinking about asking for a few months now."
"What?"
"He was worried you'd say no, so he never actually asked." She smiled softly. "I guess he was right." Veronica started to tear up and Mac slightly widened her eyes at her reaction. "What is it?"
"I can't believe he wants to marry me," she sighed. "I can't believe I'm crying over this," she snorted. "I'm such a freakin mess."
"You're stressed out, that's all. I mean, you just found out you're pregnant, that's . . ."
"It's insane. Mac, I'm serious. I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be a mom. Logan and I are in such an incredible place right now. We just moved, I have this great job, he's doing amazing with the shops and the new charity, and now all of that's gonna change."
Her head tilted curiously at that thought. "Why does it have to change?"
"Because," Veronica paused. "Because it won't be the same. I'm not mom material we all know that. Maybe . . . maybe this isn't such a good idea."
Mac snorted. "Veronica, the world is not going to end because you're having a baby. You and Logan are going to be fine. It's just one more person to love."
"You're such a cheeseball," Veronica finally laughed.
"Seriously, I think you two are going to be great at this whole parentage thing. And you damn well know that Logan is going to spoil this kid rotten. He's going to give this kid the complete opposite of his own childhood. He's going to do that because he loves you and he might not know it yet, but he loves this kid already. Just like you."
"You have got to stop with the Psych 101."
She grinned in return. "Let's start from the beginning. I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and you answer yes or no as fast as possible. Got it?"
"Is this what you do all day?"
"Got it?"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes."
"Is your name Veronica?"
"Yes."
"Do you live in Neptune?"
"Yes."
"Do you hate your job?"
"No."
"Do you love Logan?"
"Yes."
"Do you want this baby?"
"Yes."
Veronica's eyes went to her friend.
"I guess you're having a baby," Mac laughed. "Is it too soon to call godmother?"
Veronica hugged her tightly. "I'll definitely put you at the top of the list," she laughed. "Thanks, Mac."
"Don't even mention it."
-------
"Veronica's pregnant."
Charlie grinned widely at Logan. "You're finally making me an uncle, little brother?"
"Yeah."
He came up to Logan and hugged him. "Congrats!"
"Thanks," he smiled meekly.
"I take it this wasn't planned?"
Logan snorted loudly. "Far from. But we're dealing with it. It's just . . . this is huge you know. Half the time I don't even know how I'm able to maintain . . . and now there's this -- kid out of the blue."
Charlie chuckled softly. "You're gonna do great. You both are. How's Veronica doing?"
"I think she's fine. She tells me she's fine, but I know she's kinda freakin out."
"I bet."
He paused for a moment. "I asked her to marry me."
Charlie's eyebrows lifted high. "Wow, Logan. That's huge."
"She said no," he chuckled.
"What? Why?"
"I think dealing with the fact that she's pregnant is enough for now. We'll see. Maybe in a couple years she'll change her mind."
"So how are you doing with all this?" he asked him concerned. "Really."
"I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I was scared shitless." He stood, beginning to pace across Charlie's living room. "I don't know if I can do this being a parent thing. And Veronica's freaking out enough as it is - I don't want to add to her stress ya know? God, Charlie, I'm not made to be a dad. I don't know how and fuck it's not like I had a good role model with Aaron. What if I screw up this kid's life? What if I turn out to be like--" He didn't finish his thought. He'd been over this with Veronica and that was enough.
"Like Aaron?" Charlie finished for him anyway.
He simply nodded. "Veronica and I-- we already talked about this, but what if it's true? What if it's in my blood?"
"Logan," Charlie sighed. "Sit down for a minute and listen to me."
He reluctantly did as he requested.
"I wish I could tell you the secret to being a great dad, but I can't. And it's not like I can give you personal experience either. But I've seen you with those kids you teach to surf. You're patient and caring and protective."
Logan snorted at that.
"It's true. Personally, I think you're going to be a great dad. Do you know why?"
"Because Veronica will kick my ass if I'm not?" he half joked.
Charlie smiled at him. "No. It's because I know that you're going to act the complete opposite of Aaron. That's all you have to do. And about this bullshit about it being in the blood - that's all it is Logan - bullshit. There's a difference from someone growing up like you did knowing that it was wrong and someone growing up thinking that behavior is normal." He clasped a hand on his shoulder. "I mean it, Logan. You're going to be a great father. Without a doubt this is going to be one lucky kid. You just have to remember you're not alone. You have Veronica, your friends, and I'm not going anywhere," he grinned.
Logan finally let out a breath. "Thanks, Charlie."
"Don't even mention it, little brother."
Part 8: This Was My Mom's . . .