vid meta: thoughts on accepting one's own style
As I'm putting the finishing touches on my tenth vid (yay! double digits!) I've been thinking a lot about the development of a vidder's particular style and everything that comes with that. This is mostly a jumble of random tangents in my head that will most likely not resemble anything coherent on paper, but I'd like to jot it down all the same. I'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this as well.
First, there's the general notion of vidding styles both at large and on an individual scale. I'm not thinking about particular kinds of styles so much as how we develop those styles in our own work, but both sides of the coin do interest me. There's a certain element of nature vs nurture in play, if you will, and I wonder how much of either we can overcome if we try hard enough. (Or if we would even want to or benefit from that.)
I'd imagine all vidders start out with a certain amount of throwing clips awkwardly on a timeline, and over time we hone our editing skills by watching others and accumulating our own experience. But it's the particular differences we each bring to the table that interest me, those things that influence our vidding whether we mean them to or not. Whether we primarily approach vidding as artists, musicians, fans, or whatever else, plus whatever life experience we carry with us. What makes us think of particular clips/cuts/ideas when we stare at that empty timeline? How do we control and master those instincts? How do we expand upon them?
This whole topic first popped up at the turn of the year when I made my year in vidding post and started planning my CV 08 vid. I'm in my sophomore year now (as a vidder), so it makes sense that I'm going through some growing pains and trying to figure out / establish my own identity. I listed a lot of things I want to change/learn/try/improve on with my next few vids, which is good, of course. Growth = good.
But how many of those things are steps away from my individual style, whatever that may be? How much am I trying to "be more like other vidders" and "less like me"? It's great to take things you learn from people and incorporate them into your own work, but what if it's done under a misguided notion that "others' work = good" and "your own work = bad"? At what point am I no longer learning and merely hindering my artistic development by denying my instincts and copying others' techniques in a false effort to "improve"? Where is the line drawn? (And hell, is someone really even capable of creating something so against his/her personal style in the first place? Is this completely moot?)
In case it's unclear, I'm just thinking out loud, here. Much of this is hypothetical brain spew :-)
As I've documented for months and months in my regular locked posts, my Closer vid (for VVC 08 Premieres) has been a very long and stressful journey. When I first started it, I wanted it to look different from anything else I'd made. I wanted to play with black & white and color, try new things with motion, and other various stylistic things. I ran into major difficulties along the way and ultimately realized (several failed versions later) that I had actually gone into the project with the fallacious goal of making a vid that looked like it wasn't mine. This is a delicate nuance, "different from things I've made before" vs "different from my style entirely." This isn't "I wanted to improve," this is "I wanted to be someone else." Apparently my subconscious thought that my vid would be better that way. And hey, no wonder it wasn't working! It can't help but be my vid. It's coming from my brain. No matter what shiny trinkets I hung on it, it ultimately still felt like a jarrow vid because hey, that's what it is.
Now, looking at the Closer vid, it's not at all the amorphous pile of effects I loosely imagined in my head with absolutely no idea how to execute. I can't make something that I don't know how to make. I can only do what I do, I only know what I know. And sure enough, I was only able to finish a full draft once it embraced its jarrow-ness. No matter what crazy-ass ideas I have, they all come through the filter that is my brain, my abilities. I told vagabondage the other day how scared I am of making the same vid twice, of becoming a one-trick pony. But you know, I think now I realize that it's okay to tell the same story in two very different ways, or to tell two different stories in similar ways. The latter in particular, since the "how" is usually just how we vid in general. I need to get accustomed to the fact that my vids may have a similar feel with regard to the editing, I just need to make sure I tell different stories.
I often find myself watching vids and thinking "wow, I definitely would've cut on that beat if I'd made this." Of course, that's the kind of comment you keep to yourself because it is entirely irrelevant and not the least bit constructive, but I'm sure we all have those "I would've/wouldn't have" thoughts to some extent. I told Zen that one of my goals for the year was to vid less metronomically and try a more freeform style of editing, particularly in my Closer vid. But there were several beats in the song that I just couldn't not cut on, even though I felt like they might seem predictable or obvious. To ignore them didn't feel right, and the absence was jarring to me.
Zen reminded me that you have to vid with your gut, and she was totally right. So what if other vidders might not cut on those beats? It's what I feel, it's my effing vid, and the fact that I am cutting on those beats is what helps make it my effing vid in the first place. What's obvious to me isn't necessarily obvious to others and vice versa. It took me some time to really embrace that. Watching vids wouldn't be nearly as fun if everything were predictable and built exactly the same. It's through our differences that we learn from each other.
And you know, I like that many vidders I admire have particular styles. obsessive24 and I have discussed at length the notion of being able to look at a vid and tell who made it. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't; there's no absolute there. But quite often I find myself watching a vid (knowing who it's by) and saying, "oh my god, this is SUCH a [whatshername] vid!" with love and squee and beaming in my heart. Why, then, do I get nervous and doubtful about my own individual vidding style? Is it because I've also heard the same kind of "yep, that's [whathername]" comments said in a very negative way? (Usually because that person seems to do the same [bad] thing over and over without ever growing, in the commenter's eyes.) Shouldn't I trust that other people will embrace my style, and shouldn't I be first in line to do so myself?
I do think it's healthy to have some doubt, though, in the sense that we should always strive to learn and improve by questioning our choices. And I think there's also something to be said for the fact that nobody has an audience of everybody. There is a point where we have to say, "these are the vids I make, and I'm okay with you not liking them." Granted, of course, that we like them ourselves. Because vidding is ultimately for ourselves. It has to be. But after reaching a spot on my timeline and asking myself, "hmm...what would [whatshername] do here?" or "how can I make this look more _____ like [whatshername] does?", it's been an important lesson learned that the vid never worked until I did what I felt for that moment.
And now, looking back on my last few vids, I can see that I am actually developing [what feels like] my own editing style, and I quite like it! And it seemed this happened mostly when I was looking the other way. I just went with my gut, as Zen would say, and in the end I had something that was very clearly me. And I do want that style to evolve over time as I continue vidding, but the mere fact that I've embraced vidding the way I vid is a huge first step. A rose is a rose is a rose, and it's time to stop and smell them.
First, there's the general notion of vidding styles both at large and on an individual scale. I'm not thinking about particular kinds of styles so much as how we develop those styles in our own work, but both sides of the coin do interest me. There's a certain element of nature vs nurture in play, if you will, and I wonder how much of either we can overcome if we try hard enough. (Or if we would even want to or benefit from that.)
I'd imagine all vidders start out with a certain amount of throwing clips awkwardly on a timeline, and over time we hone our editing skills by watching others and accumulating our own experience. But it's the particular differences we each bring to the table that interest me, those things that influence our vidding whether we mean them to or not. Whether we primarily approach vidding as artists, musicians, fans, or whatever else, plus whatever life experience we carry with us. What makes us think of particular clips/cuts/ideas when we stare at that empty timeline? How do we control and master those instincts? How do we expand upon them?
This whole topic first popped up at the turn of the year when I made my year in vidding post and started planning my CV 08 vid. I'm in my sophomore year now (as a vidder), so it makes sense that I'm going through some growing pains and trying to figure out / establish my own identity. I listed a lot of things I want to change/learn/try/improve on with my next few vids, which is good, of course. Growth = good.
But how many of those things are steps away from my individual style, whatever that may be? How much am I trying to "be more like other vidders" and "less like me"? It's great to take things you learn from people and incorporate them into your own work, but what if it's done under a misguided notion that "others' work = good" and "your own work = bad"? At what point am I no longer learning and merely hindering my artistic development by denying my instincts and copying others' techniques in a false effort to "improve"? Where is the line drawn? (And hell, is someone really even capable of creating something so against his/her personal style in the first place? Is this completely moot?)
In case it's unclear, I'm just thinking out loud, here. Much of this is hypothetical brain spew :-)
As I've documented for months and months in my regular locked posts, my Closer vid (for VVC 08 Premieres) has been a very long and stressful journey. When I first started it, I wanted it to look different from anything else I'd made. I wanted to play with black & white and color, try new things with motion, and other various stylistic things. I ran into major difficulties along the way and ultimately realized (several failed versions later) that I had actually gone into the project with the fallacious goal of making a vid that looked like it wasn't mine. This is a delicate nuance, "different from things I've made before" vs "different from my style entirely." This isn't "I wanted to improve," this is "I wanted to be someone else." Apparently my subconscious thought that my vid would be better that way. And hey, no wonder it wasn't working! It can't help but be my vid. It's coming from my brain. No matter what shiny trinkets I hung on it, it ultimately still felt like a jarrow vid because hey, that's what it is.
Now, looking at the Closer vid, it's not at all the amorphous pile of effects I loosely imagined in my head with absolutely no idea how to execute. I can't make something that I don't know how to make. I can only do what I do, I only know what I know. And sure enough, I was only able to finish a full draft once it embraced its jarrow-ness. No matter what crazy-ass ideas I have, they all come through the filter that is my brain, my abilities. I told vagabondage the other day how scared I am of making the same vid twice, of becoming a one-trick pony. But you know, I think now I realize that it's okay to tell the same story in two very different ways, or to tell two different stories in similar ways. The latter in particular, since the "how" is usually just how we vid in general. I need to get accustomed to the fact that my vids may have a similar feel with regard to the editing, I just need to make sure I tell different stories.
I often find myself watching vids and thinking "wow, I definitely would've cut on that beat if I'd made this." Of course, that's the kind of comment you keep to yourself because it is entirely irrelevant and not the least bit constructive, but I'm sure we all have those "I would've/wouldn't have" thoughts to some extent. I told Zen that one of my goals for the year was to vid less metronomically and try a more freeform style of editing, particularly in my Closer vid. But there were several beats in the song that I just couldn't not cut on, even though I felt like they might seem predictable or obvious. To ignore them didn't feel right, and the absence was jarring to me.
Zen reminded me that you have to vid with your gut, and she was totally right. So what if other vidders might not cut on those beats? It's what I feel, it's my effing vid, and the fact that I am cutting on those beats is what helps make it my effing vid in the first place. What's obvious to me isn't necessarily obvious to others and vice versa. It took me some time to really embrace that. Watching vids wouldn't be nearly as fun if everything were predictable and built exactly the same. It's through our differences that we learn from each other.
And you know, I like that many vidders I admire have particular styles. obsessive24 and I have discussed at length the notion of being able to look at a vid and tell who made it. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't; there's no absolute there. But quite often I find myself watching a vid (knowing who it's by) and saying, "oh my god, this is SUCH a [whatshername] vid!" with love and squee and beaming in my heart. Why, then, do I get nervous and doubtful about my own individual vidding style? Is it because I've also heard the same kind of "yep, that's [whathername]" comments said in a very negative way? (Usually because that person seems to do the same [bad] thing over and over without ever growing, in the commenter's eyes.) Shouldn't I trust that other people will embrace my style, and shouldn't I be first in line to do so myself?
I do think it's healthy to have some doubt, though, in the sense that we should always strive to learn and improve by questioning our choices. And I think there's also something to be said for the fact that nobody has an audience of everybody. There is a point where we have to say, "these are the vids I make, and I'm okay with you not liking them." Granted, of course, that we like them ourselves. Because vidding is ultimately for ourselves. It has to be. But after reaching a spot on my timeline and asking myself, "hmm...what would [whatshername] do here?" or "how can I make this look more _____ like [whatshername] does?", it's been an important lesson learned that the vid never worked until I did what I felt for that moment.
And now, looking back on my last few vids, I can see that I am actually developing [what feels like] my own editing style, and I quite like it! And it seemed this happened mostly when I was looking the other way. I just went with my gut, as Zen would say, and in the end I had something that was very clearly me. And I do want that style to evolve over time as I continue vidding, but the mere fact that I've embraced vidding the way I vid is a huge first step. A rose is a rose is a rose, and it's time to stop and smell them.