I'm Hidin' In The Shadows, Prayin' She'll Break Free
Chapter One
Dick was, in Jason’s expert opinion, the most annoying person in the world, even more so than Baby Brat. Also, he had terrible taste.
He also had some weird fuckin’ obsession with ‘bonding’ and-unfortunately for Jason-not above blackmailing or strongarming his brothers in to joining him.
Which is why Jason was currently looking for something to gouge his eyes and ears out because Dick thought the newest ‘adaptation’ (used in the loosest sense of the word) of Persuasion was something worth watching.
Okay, so maybe this time it was really Jason’s fault-he fucking knew better, he swore he did-because he was the one who went for double or nothing with Dick. Dick was like, physically incapable of turning down challenges.
He should have never bet on a speedster. Fucking Flashes. If Wally hadn’t been such a damn dipshit, Jason wouldn’t be in this predicament! He started plotting. What would he have to do to take out Wally's fucking kneecaps in revenge for making this happen to him?
Dick glanced over at Jason, a stupid, fond grin on his face, like he was revelling in Jason’s pain. Fuck Dick. Fuck Wally. Fuck them all.
“Want more popcorn, Jaybird?” Dick asked, still wearing that fucking stupid smile.
“I want something to make my suffering end. Got a something I can kill myself with?”
Dick-the dick-had the gall to look upset and goddamn it, now Jason was feeling a bit guilty. Dick hated it when he joked about dying or anything like that. Claimed it was one of the worst things that had ever happened to him, and then insisted on trying to hug Jason. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
“Don’t say that, Little Wing,” Dick said right on cue, still looking horribly hurt. He got up and came over so he could try to wrap his arms around Jason.
Jason did everything he could to keep Dick from hugging him, but Dick never was easily dissuaded, and it very quickly got to the point that Jason had to accept that resistance was futile and if he wanted it to end anytime in the near future, he needed to suck it up.
At least when Dick was squishing his ribcage, Jason couldn’t see the atrocity that was happening on the screen.
There was a knock at the door and Dick gave Jason one last squeeze before finally letting go. As soon as Dick left the room, Jason lunged for the remote and hit fast-forward. The sooner this monstrosity finished, the sooner Jason could leave and then figure out what sort of head trauma he needed to wipe the knowledge of this movie’s existence from his memory.
He heard Dick start to return so he quickly stopped fast-forwarding the ‘film’ and tossed the remote back to where it had been approximately. He slouched back in his chair and went back to ways of thinking of how he could break Wally’s legs.
“Jaybird!” Dick trilled. “Look who decided to stop by! You don’t mind he stays for a little bit, do you?”
Speak of the devil…
Jason shrugged. “Whatever, but why he’d want to stay and watch this is beyond me.”
“Oh, c’mon, Jaybirdie,” Dick chided. “We all know about your love of regency romances. You don’t have to pretend with us.”
Wally settled down on the couch where Dick had been sitting and looked at the television. “Is that new Austen movie?”
“No,” Jason snarled at the same time Dick said ‘yes’.
A furrow appeared in Dick’s brow as he glanced over at his younger brother and he looked like a kicked puppy. “What do you mean? It’s called Jane Austen’s Persuasion. You love Jane Austen.”
“That trash?” Jason waved his hand angrily at the movie. “Not Jane Austen’s Persuasion. Not even close. It’s just like they took the title of the book and the general idea, and then shat all over it! If you had ever read the book like I told you to, you’d know that!”
“Why didn’t you say so? We could have watched something else.” Dick grabbed the remote and exited the movie.
Jason threw up his hands. “You insisted on watching it!”
“Guy, guys, guys!” Wally clapped his hands, interrupted the growing argument. “Easy enough fix. Just stop watching it and pick something new.”
Dick made disgusting googly eyes at Wally, like the lovestruck moron that he was. “Why don’t you and Little Wing pick something else, then, while I get us more popcorn?”
“Okay,” agreed Wally, beaming. He definitely stared at Dick’s stupid ass as Jason’s brother left the room. He only looked over at Jason once he couldn’t ogle Dick’s butt any more. “What would you like to watch?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jason demanded.
Wally blinked, taken aback. “What?”
“Seriously, the fuck is wrong with you? You want to fuck Dick almost as much as he wants to fuck you”-Wally made a sound like he was trying to swallow his tongue and his entire face went complete scarlet-“yet here I am, trapped in to a bunch of fuckin’ movie nights with an idiot with no fucking taste and no fucking clue! I know the fucker made his feelings known to you-why the fuck haven’t you tapped that and spared me this goddamn nightmare?”
“I…uh…just…I don’t…what…” Wally’s eyes darted around the room, like he was looking for a window to throw himself out of.
“Are you suffering more brain damage than usual? Did someone swap your brain? Are you even Wally West? Because those are about the only fucking explanations I can come up with why you haven’t done shit about Dickface’s confession!”
“…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Wally, inching away from Jason. “Can we just…” He gestured weakly with the remote.
“No, you fuckwad! I deserve some goddamn answers! Because of you, I’m being forced to suffer!”
“Popcorn!” Dick announced cheerfully and he slowed down as he glanced between Jason and Wally. “What’s going on?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Wally replied, eying Jason nervously. “I guess Jason thinks it’s my fault?”
“Oh, that.” Dick shook his head and flopped down on the couch. He swung his feet up into Wally’s lap. “Ignore him. He’s being dramatic and a sore loser.”
“Ex-cuse me? It IS his fault! If he wasn’t such a goddamn coward-”
“Hey now! No need for name-calling, just because you’re sore!” Dick scowled and handed the bowl of popcorn to Wally, who immediately began stress-eating. “Besides, you’re getting off easy.”
“Easy! You call this torture easy?” Jason seethed.
Dick rolled his eyes fondly again, like he wasn’t ruining everything in Jason’s life. “See? Dramatic.”
“…I still don’t understand.” Wally had finished his bowl of popcorn and had pulled out a bag of nuts from somewhere.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“He fucking should worry about it!” Jason growled. He fixed Wally with a dark glare. “Watch your back, West. And your kneecaps.”
Wally swallowed hard.
“Stop threatening Wally,” scolded Dick.
“I’m not threatening him.” Jason glared harder and Wally shrank back into the coach. His darted around the space again, and Jason couldn’t tell if it was because he was looking for an escape or more food to stress-eat.
“Well, you’re certainly unfairly blaming him for your life choices. Besides, having movie nights isn’t that bad.”
Goddamn it, Jason heard the faint threads of insecurity and hurt in Dick’s voice, and now he was starting to feel guilty again. It wasn’t fair, and he scrambled to hold on to his anger. “Movie night is fine when you don’t pick shit, which is what you always do!”
And then Dick was back to giving Jason that stupid, happy, fond smile again. It was so fuckin’ annoying. “Just because you don’t appreciate the brilliance that is The Exorcist-”
“That’s what I’m talking about! Trash! The special effects are trash, the writing is trash, the story is trash-”
“Isn’t writing and story the same thing?” Wally asked, flickering and reappearing with half the contents of Dick’s shitty cupboards next to him.
Dick made a frantic slashing movement as Jason threw up his hands. “Are you seriously fucking with me? No! They are not the same thing! Writing refers to the word choices that build characterisation, dictate dialogue, and establishes tone, while story refers to plot-”
“Anybody want some more popcorn?” Dick interrupted loudly. “Before we start the next movie?”
“We haven’t picked the next movie yet,” Wally said around a mouthful of banana chips.
“Well then! Let’s start with that!”
"I'm not watching any of those fucking gore fests you two love so much," Jason growled. "Nor am I watching any of those stupid sci-fi movies you seem to find enjoyable, though given the choice between the two, I'll take the sci-fi over the gore fest."
Dick beamed at him, like he had just said something adorable and it looked like he was doing everything he could to stay in one place instead of reaching over to ruffle Jason's hair.
Jason glared at him and went back to his plotting.
"What about-" Wally started to say, but Jason interrupted him.
"No."
"But I haven't-"
"No."
"But-"
"No, West. Your taste is almost as bad as Dickwing's and if I'm going to be forced-"
"Jaybird, stop acting like I twisted your arm to get you here. You lost, fair and square, and I want to enjoy spending time with my little brother."
"Wait," Wally said, lowering the handful of gummy bears he had been about to stuff in his mouth. "You had a bet with Jason? Is that what this is all about? And if it is, why is Jason blaming me for…whatever happened?"
"Because it's your fault!"
"It is not," Dick immediately countered.
“It is too! If he had his fucking shit together-”
“Can someone please tell me how I fit into this all?” Wally glanced between the two former Robins. “If for nothing else, just so I have some context.”
Dick immediately reached out and gave Wally’s hand a squeeze. “Sorry, Walls. Didn’t mean to leave you in the lurch like that.” He didn’t let go of Wally, Jason noticed with an eyeroll. “Let see, about two, three weeks ago, I saved Jason’s life and found a vital clue in his case-”
“You tripped over a fucking bucket of lobsters!” Jason cut in hotly. “And then you knocked me over as you were flailing around trying to avoid the pinchers and from stepping on the mean little fucks!”
“If I hadn’t knocked him to safety,” Dick continued on blithely, “he would have been shot by the gang member, and he never would have seen the SD card that was in the bottom of the lobster bucket, much less the seaweed that blew his case wide open.”
“That is not how it happened, you goddamn ass-”
“-And since I had been such a help, Jay agreed that he owed me one-”
“-No, I didn’t-”
“-And since he’d been skipping out the Family Movie Nights, I wanted him to come, so I-”
“-Tried to use Alfred to manipulate me, which is so fucking not okay-”
“-But he had something else going on that night, so he offered me a compromise.” Dick beamed again. “He encouraged me and gave me the confidence to make a move on you!”
Jason resisted the urge to facepalm. The mental gymnastics Dick had gone through…! Jason just wanted Dick to go the fuck away and to stop trying to badger him in to watching whatever crap Dick thought was enjoyable. So he went for a fool-proof plan of telling Dick his stupid pining was not, shockingly, unrequited. If Dick got a fucking boyfriend, he’d leave Jason alone and none would be the wiser.
Fucking Flashes and their abilities to fuck everything up.
“…Ah.” Wally’s cheeks turned pink and he stared deep into Dick’s stupid eyes for a moment, which was repulsive to watch. He suddenly frowned. “Wait, that doesn’t actually answer my question-why does Jason seem to think I’m to blame in all this? I mean…” He looked down.
“Oh, he just doubled down and had some very specific conditions he laid out,” said Dick brightly over Jason’s teeth gritting. “Said if they weren’t met, he’d come to Movie Night for the next twelve months without fail-barring any unforeseen circumstances and major injuries, of course!”
Jason’s face twitched.
“And I didn’t fulfil said conditions? Dude,” Wally turned towards Jason. “I’m sorry. I know how much you hate losing. Still…thank you for what you said to Dick. I had no idea he liked me back.”
“Because you’re even dumber than he is,” Jason grumbled mulishly. Fucking Flashes and their goddamn sincerity. “Everyone could see you two had the hots for each other. And now because you couldn’t fuckin’ follow through, I’m stuck here.”
Wally blinked. “Um…sorry?”
“Oh Little Wing, stop being such a drama llama,” Dick stretched out and tucked his toes under Wally’s thigh. “You may have lost, but it’s not like you really lost. I mean, you get to hang out with me!” He folded his hands under his chin, looked at Jason upside-down over the couch’s arm, and fluttered his eyelashes at his brother.
“Kill me. Again.”
Dick’s face fell. “Oh, Jaybird.”
“Don’t hug me! Don’t you dare-stop it! Get off of me! Ack!” Jason flailed about with no effect. “You deserve the blue balls West gave you,” he bit out when Dick gave him an extra squeeze.
Wally choked on his sports drink. “…What,” he whimpered, face changing colours again.
“Drama llama,” Dick said affectionately before returning to his spot on the couch. He poked Wally gently when the speedster only sat there, looking deeply embarrassed and vaguely horrified. “Wally?”
Wally groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Please don’t make any more bets with your family about our…love life,” he mumbled through his fingers. “It worked out this time, but please don’t do it in the future.”
“Oh, Walls.” Dick slithered into Wally’s lap like the boneless freak he was. He kissed the tips of Wally’s fingers before carefully pulling Wally’s hands away from his face. He bussed Wally’s still burning face softly. “I won’t.” Then Dick grinned, bright and wicked. “Jason wouldn’t be able to handle losing that much.”
“Fuck you,” Jason snapped, and then realised what he said and whom he’d said it to. “That was not suggestion!” He almost yelped when Dick’s grin got even eviler.
“Not during Movie Night, no,” Dick agreed, a little too easily. “But after…”
“Oh god, I’m going vomit.”
“You’re the one who said it.”
“And I am paying for it. Fucking hell, am I paying for it. Now I need to ask the Replacement where he keeps his brain bleach."
Dick's face softened, like he had just gotten a wonderful and thoughtful gift, and it took Jason a moment to realise what he'd said. Goddamn it, now he was going to have to bribe the fucking Replacement to feed Dick some bullshit story about them getting along, or else Jason was going to have to listen to another one of Dick’s ‘Brothers are the BEST so treasure yours!’ speeches and be forced to go to even more ‘bonding time’.
“Not to interrupt or anything…” Wally said cautiously. “But maybe we could pick a movie? I mean…it is Movie Night.”
Dick looked at Wally with a stupid, besotted expression, like Wally was some sort genius and not the idiot he definitely was. “Yeah, let’s pick something. How about something from Disney? We all like Disney!”
“Whatever,” Jason huffed. Anything to get this torture to stop.
Once they had that basic agreement in place, they had a movie picked five minutes later. Jason forced Dick out of the kitchen before he set off the fire alarm again and made more popcorn. Dick didn’t seem too put out and instead climbed up Wally so he could perch on the speedster’s shoulders. Wally acted as if this was all normal behaviour.
“I’m really glad you came, Little Wing,” said Dick, folding his arms on the top of Wally’s head and resting his chin on them.
“Didn’t have much of a choice, now did I.”
“You had a choice,” Dick immediately countered. “You always have a choice. I’m just happy you made the correct one.”
“Go get cockblocked,” Jason snapped because he didn’t want to deal with the emotions he felt wriggling in his gut.
Wally’s face flamed again as he dropped Dick on to the couch. “Can we not about…you know?”
“Your non-existent fucking?” Jason lifted an eyebrow before he threw himself back down on his chair.
Wally cringed, and if nothing else, it was hilarious watching Wally squirm. Jason had to take his wins where he could.
Dick snuggled up against Wally, a soft, contented expression Jason had never seen before on his face. It was almost endearing, and almost made Jason proud that he’d helped create the situation where it could happen.
Then Dick ruined it all by saying “next time, we’ll have to make sure everyone else can come and join us for Movie Night. Won’t that be fun!”
“I’d rather die.”
“Oh, Jay.”
“No! Stop trying to hug me! Gerroff! Arugh!”
x Fin x
Extra (The scene that inspired this whole thing, but didn't fit with the rest of the story):
“I believe your exact words were ‘if he doesn’t pin you against whatever’s available and fuck your one brain cell out of your head after you make your interest explicitly clear, I’ll come to all your fucking movie nights for the next twelve months’.” Dick gave Jason another one of his shit-eating sunny grins.
“Oh my god.” Wally’s face was so red it washed out his super-suit. “Why…what…I don’t…why.”
“Well,” Dick stretched out and settled himself down so he was practically in Wally’s lap, “there was no downside of this bet for me. Either Jason is honour-bound to join me for Movie Nights, or…” He gave Wally a heavy-lidded look that made Jason want to puke. “I win in other ways.” His voice got low and a little bit breathy.
“That was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen-or head-in my life!” Jason hissed, revolted. “Kill me again.”
Dick was, in Jason’s expert opinion, the most annoying person in the world, even more so than Baby Brat. Also, he had terrible taste.
He also had some weird fuckin’ obsession with ‘bonding’ and-unfortunately for Jason-not above blackmailing or strongarming his brothers in to joining him.
Which is why Jason was currently looking for something to gouge his eyes and ears out because Dick thought the newest ‘adaptation’ (used in the loosest sense of the word) of Persuasion was something worth watching.
Okay, so maybe this time it was really Jason’s fault-he fucking knew better, he swore he did-because he was the one who went for double or nothing with Dick. Dick was like, physically incapable of turning down challenges.
He should have never bet on a speedster. Fucking Flashes. If Wally hadn’t been such a damn dipshit, Jason wouldn’t be in this predicament! He started plotting. What would he have to do to take out Wally's fucking kneecaps in revenge for making this happen to him?
Dick glanced over at Jason, a stupid, fond grin on his face, like he was revelling in Jason’s pain. Fuck Dick. Fuck Wally. Fuck them all.
“Want more popcorn, Jaybird?” Dick asked, still wearing that fucking stupid smile.
“I want something to make my suffering end. Got a something I can kill myself with?”
Dick-the dick-had the gall to look upset and goddamn it, now Jason was feeling a bit guilty. Dick hated it when he joked about dying or anything like that. Claimed it was one of the worst things that had ever happened to him, and then insisted on trying to hug Jason. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
“Don’t say that, Little Wing,” Dick said right on cue, still looking horribly hurt. He got up and came over so he could try to wrap his arms around Jason.
Jason did everything he could to keep Dick from hugging him, but Dick never was easily dissuaded, and it very quickly got to the point that Jason had to accept that resistance was futile and if he wanted it to end anytime in the near future, he needed to suck it up.
At least when Dick was squishing his ribcage, Jason couldn’t see the atrocity that was happening on the screen.
There was a knock at the door and Dick gave Jason one last squeeze before finally letting go. As soon as Dick left the room, Jason lunged for the remote and hit fast-forward. The sooner this monstrosity finished, the sooner Jason could leave and then figure out what sort of head trauma he needed to wipe the knowledge of this movie’s existence from his memory.
He heard Dick start to return so he quickly stopped fast-forwarding the ‘film’ and tossed the remote back to where it had been approximately. He slouched back in his chair and went back to ways of thinking of how he could break Wally’s legs.
“Jaybird!” Dick trilled. “Look who decided to stop by! You don’t mind he stays for a little bit, do you?”
Speak of the devil…
Jason shrugged. “Whatever, but why he’d want to stay and watch this is beyond me.”
“Oh, c’mon, Jaybirdie,” Dick chided. “We all know about your love of regency romances. You don’t have to pretend with us.”
Wally settled down on the couch where Dick had been sitting and looked at the television. “Is that new Austen movie?”
“No,” Jason snarled at the same time Dick said ‘yes’.
A furrow appeared in Dick’s brow as he glanced over at his younger brother and he looked like a kicked puppy. “What do you mean? It’s called Jane Austen’s Persuasion. You love Jane Austen.”
“That trash?” Jason waved his hand angrily at the movie. “Not Jane Austen’s Persuasion. Not even close. It’s just like they took the title of the book and the general idea, and then shat all over it! If you had ever read the book like I told you to, you’d know that!”
“Why didn’t you say so? We could have watched something else.” Dick grabbed the remote and exited the movie.
Jason threw up his hands. “You insisted on watching it!”
“Guy, guys, guys!” Wally clapped his hands, interrupted the growing argument. “Easy enough fix. Just stop watching it and pick something new.”
Dick made disgusting googly eyes at Wally, like the lovestruck moron that he was. “Why don’t you and Little Wing pick something else, then, while I get us more popcorn?”
“Okay,” agreed Wally, beaming. He definitely stared at Dick’s stupid ass as Jason’s brother left the room. He only looked over at Jason once he couldn’t ogle Dick’s butt any more. “What would you like to watch?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jason demanded.
Wally blinked, taken aback. “What?”
“Seriously, the fuck is wrong with you? You want to fuck Dick almost as much as he wants to fuck you”-Wally made a sound like he was trying to swallow his tongue and his entire face went complete scarlet-“yet here I am, trapped in to a bunch of fuckin’ movie nights with an idiot with no fucking taste and no fucking clue! I know the fucker made his feelings known to you-why the fuck haven’t you tapped that and spared me this goddamn nightmare?”
“I…uh…just…I don’t…what…” Wally’s eyes darted around the room, like he was looking for a window to throw himself out of.
“Are you suffering more brain damage than usual? Did someone swap your brain? Are you even Wally West? Because those are about the only fucking explanations I can come up with why you haven’t done shit about Dickface’s confession!”
“…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Wally, inching away from Jason. “Can we just…” He gestured weakly with the remote.
“No, you fuckwad! I deserve some goddamn answers! Because of you, I’m being forced to suffer!”
“Popcorn!” Dick announced cheerfully and he slowed down as he glanced between Jason and Wally. “What’s going on?”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” Wally replied, eying Jason nervously. “I guess Jason thinks it’s my fault?”
“Oh, that.” Dick shook his head and flopped down on the couch. He swung his feet up into Wally’s lap. “Ignore him. He’s being dramatic and a sore loser.”
“Ex-cuse me? It IS his fault! If he wasn’t such a goddamn coward-”
“Hey now! No need for name-calling, just because you’re sore!” Dick scowled and handed the bowl of popcorn to Wally, who immediately began stress-eating. “Besides, you’re getting off easy.”
“Easy! You call this torture easy?” Jason seethed.
Dick rolled his eyes fondly again, like he wasn’t ruining everything in Jason’s life. “See? Dramatic.”
“…I still don’t understand.” Wally had finished his bowl of popcorn and had pulled out a bag of nuts from somewhere.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“He fucking should worry about it!” Jason growled. He fixed Wally with a dark glare. “Watch your back, West. And your kneecaps.”
Wally swallowed hard.
“Stop threatening Wally,” scolded Dick.
“I’m not threatening him.” Jason glared harder and Wally shrank back into the coach. His darted around the space again, and Jason couldn’t tell if it was because he was looking for an escape or more food to stress-eat.
“Well, you’re certainly unfairly blaming him for your life choices. Besides, having movie nights isn’t that bad.”
Goddamn it, Jason heard the faint threads of insecurity and hurt in Dick’s voice, and now he was starting to feel guilty again. It wasn’t fair, and he scrambled to hold on to his anger. “Movie night is fine when you don’t pick shit, which is what you always do!”
And then Dick was back to giving Jason that stupid, happy, fond smile again. It was so fuckin’ annoying. “Just because you don’t appreciate the brilliance that is The Exorcist-”
“That’s what I’m talking about! Trash! The special effects are trash, the writing is trash, the story is trash-”
“Isn’t writing and story the same thing?” Wally asked, flickering and reappearing with half the contents of Dick’s shitty cupboards next to him.
Dick made a frantic slashing movement as Jason threw up his hands. “Are you seriously fucking with me? No! They are not the same thing! Writing refers to the word choices that build characterisation, dictate dialogue, and establishes tone, while story refers to plot-”
“Anybody want some more popcorn?” Dick interrupted loudly. “Before we start the next movie?”
“We haven’t picked the next movie yet,” Wally said around a mouthful of banana chips.
“Well then! Let’s start with that!”
"I'm not watching any of those fucking gore fests you two love so much," Jason growled. "Nor am I watching any of those stupid sci-fi movies you seem to find enjoyable, though given the choice between the two, I'll take the sci-fi over the gore fest."
Dick beamed at him, like he had just said something adorable and it looked like he was doing everything he could to stay in one place instead of reaching over to ruffle Jason's hair.
Jason glared at him and went back to his plotting.
"What about-" Wally started to say, but Jason interrupted him.
"No."
"But I haven't-"
"No."
"But-"
"No, West. Your taste is almost as bad as Dickwing's and if I'm going to be forced-"
"Jaybird, stop acting like I twisted your arm to get you here. You lost, fair and square, and I want to enjoy spending time with my little brother."
"Wait," Wally said, lowering the handful of gummy bears he had been about to stuff in his mouth. "You had a bet with Jason? Is that what this is all about? And if it is, why is Jason blaming me for…whatever happened?"
"Because it's your fault!"
"It is not," Dick immediately countered.
“It is too! If he had his fucking shit together-”
“Can someone please tell me how I fit into this all?” Wally glanced between the two former Robins. “If for nothing else, just so I have some context.”
Dick immediately reached out and gave Wally’s hand a squeeze. “Sorry, Walls. Didn’t mean to leave you in the lurch like that.” He didn’t let go of Wally, Jason noticed with an eyeroll. “Let see, about two, three weeks ago, I saved Jason’s life and found a vital clue in his case-”
“You tripped over a fucking bucket of lobsters!” Jason cut in hotly. “And then you knocked me over as you were flailing around trying to avoid the pinchers and from stepping on the mean little fucks!”
“If I hadn’t knocked him to safety,” Dick continued on blithely, “he would have been shot by the gang member, and he never would have seen the SD card that was in the bottom of the lobster bucket, much less the seaweed that blew his case wide open.”
“That is not how it happened, you goddamn ass-”
“-And since I had been such a help, Jay agreed that he owed me one-”
“-No, I didn’t-”
“-And since he’d been skipping out the Family Movie Nights, I wanted him to come, so I-”
“-Tried to use Alfred to manipulate me, which is so fucking not okay-”
“-But he had something else going on that night, so he offered me a compromise.” Dick beamed again. “He encouraged me and gave me the confidence to make a move on you!”
Jason resisted the urge to facepalm. The mental gymnastics Dick had gone through…! Jason just wanted Dick to go the fuck away and to stop trying to badger him in to watching whatever crap Dick thought was enjoyable. So he went for a fool-proof plan of telling Dick his stupid pining was not, shockingly, unrequited. If Dick got a fucking boyfriend, he’d leave Jason alone and none would be the wiser.
Fucking Flashes and their abilities to fuck everything up.
“…Ah.” Wally’s cheeks turned pink and he stared deep into Dick’s stupid eyes for a moment, which was repulsive to watch. He suddenly frowned. “Wait, that doesn’t actually answer my question-why does Jason seem to think I’m to blame in all this? I mean…” He looked down.
“Oh, he just doubled down and had some very specific conditions he laid out,” said Dick brightly over Jason’s teeth gritting. “Said if they weren’t met, he’d come to Movie Night for the next twelve months without fail-barring any unforeseen circumstances and major injuries, of course!”
Jason’s face twitched.
“And I didn’t fulfil said conditions? Dude,” Wally turned towards Jason. “I’m sorry. I know how much you hate losing. Still…thank you for what you said to Dick. I had no idea he liked me back.”
“Because you’re even dumber than he is,” Jason grumbled mulishly. Fucking Flashes and their goddamn sincerity. “Everyone could see you two had the hots for each other. And now because you couldn’t fuckin’ follow through, I’m stuck here.”
Wally blinked. “Um…sorry?”
“Oh Little Wing, stop being such a drama llama,” Dick stretched out and tucked his toes under Wally’s thigh. “You may have lost, but it’s not like you really lost. I mean, you get to hang out with me!” He folded his hands under his chin, looked at Jason upside-down over the couch’s arm, and fluttered his eyelashes at his brother.
“Kill me. Again.”
Dick’s face fell. “Oh, Jaybird.”
“Don’t hug me! Don’t you dare-stop it! Get off of me! Ack!” Jason flailed about with no effect. “You deserve the blue balls West gave you,” he bit out when Dick gave him an extra squeeze.
Wally choked on his sports drink. “…What,” he whimpered, face changing colours again.
“Drama llama,” Dick said affectionately before returning to his spot on the couch. He poked Wally gently when the speedster only sat there, looking deeply embarrassed and vaguely horrified. “Wally?”
Wally groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Please don’t make any more bets with your family about our…love life,” he mumbled through his fingers. “It worked out this time, but please don’t do it in the future.”
“Oh, Walls.” Dick slithered into Wally’s lap like the boneless freak he was. He kissed the tips of Wally’s fingers before carefully pulling Wally’s hands away from his face. He bussed Wally’s still burning face softly. “I won’t.” Then Dick grinned, bright and wicked. “Jason wouldn’t be able to handle losing that much.”
“Fuck you,” Jason snapped, and then realised what he said and whom he’d said it to. “That was not suggestion!” He almost yelped when Dick’s grin got even eviler.
“Not during Movie Night, no,” Dick agreed, a little too easily. “But after…”
“Oh god, I’m going vomit.”
“You’re the one who said it.”
“And I am paying for it. Fucking hell, am I paying for it. Now I need to ask the Replacement where he keeps his brain bleach."
Dick's face softened, like he had just gotten a wonderful and thoughtful gift, and it took Jason a moment to realise what he'd said. Goddamn it, now he was going to have to bribe the fucking Replacement to feed Dick some bullshit story about them getting along, or else Jason was going to have to listen to another one of Dick’s ‘Brothers are the BEST so treasure yours!’ speeches and be forced to go to even more ‘bonding time’.
“Not to interrupt or anything…” Wally said cautiously. “But maybe we could pick a movie? I mean…it is Movie Night.”
Dick looked at Wally with a stupid, besotted expression, like Wally was some sort genius and not the idiot he definitely was. “Yeah, let’s pick something. How about something from Disney? We all like Disney!”
“Whatever,” Jason huffed. Anything to get this torture to stop.
Once they had that basic agreement in place, they had a movie picked five minutes later. Jason forced Dick out of the kitchen before he set off the fire alarm again and made more popcorn. Dick didn’t seem too put out and instead climbed up Wally so he could perch on the speedster’s shoulders. Wally acted as if this was all normal behaviour.
“I’m really glad you came, Little Wing,” said Dick, folding his arms on the top of Wally’s head and resting his chin on them.
“Didn’t have much of a choice, now did I.”
“You had a choice,” Dick immediately countered. “You always have a choice. I’m just happy you made the correct one.”
“Go get cockblocked,” Jason snapped because he didn’t want to deal with the emotions he felt wriggling in his gut.
Wally’s face flamed again as he dropped Dick on to the couch. “Can we not about…you know?”
“Your non-existent fucking?” Jason lifted an eyebrow before he threw himself back down on his chair.
Wally cringed, and if nothing else, it was hilarious watching Wally squirm. Jason had to take his wins where he could.
Dick snuggled up against Wally, a soft, contented expression Jason had never seen before on his face. It was almost endearing, and almost made Jason proud that he’d helped create the situation where it could happen.
Then Dick ruined it all by saying “next time, we’ll have to make sure everyone else can come and join us for Movie Night. Won’t that be fun!”
“I’d rather die.”
“Oh, Jay.”
“No! Stop trying to hug me! Gerroff! Arugh!”
x Fin x
Extra (The scene that inspired this whole thing, but didn't fit with the rest of the story):
“I believe your exact words were ‘if he doesn’t pin you against whatever’s available and fuck your one brain cell out of your head after you make your interest explicitly clear, I’ll come to all your fucking movie nights for the next twelve months’.” Dick gave Jason another one of his shit-eating sunny grins.
“Oh my god.” Wally’s face was so red it washed out his super-suit. “Why…what…I don’t…why.”
“Well,” Dick stretched out and settled himself down so he was practically in Wally’s lap, “there was no downside of this bet for me. Either Jason is honour-bound to join me for Movie Nights, or…” He gave Wally a heavy-lidded look that made Jason want to puke. “I win in other ways.” His voice got low and a little bit breathy.
“That was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen-or head-in my life!” Jason hissed, revolted. “Kill me again.”