You, Can Be Free, As Long As You're With Me
Rating: K+
Chouji took a deep breath and made himself look. The mirror-as always-was unforgiving.
It was funny. He had never really liked looking in the mirror before he had lost all his weight because-despite everything he said and did-he felt fat. He hated other people calling him that; hadn’t he thrown the word at himself enough? He didn’t need others point it out. Anyhow, they said if you said something enough, it would become true.
He stared at his reflection. It was ironic, almost. He had spent years insisting he had big bones and now people could see that. And now-
And now-girls didn’t look at him with the same level of disgust and pity. Girl actually gave him sidelong glances; not quite the blatant admiring looks they threw at Neji or they used to throw at Sasuke, but looks that measured him up and said that he wasn’t an eyesore any more, looks that said he bordered on being very attractive. Ino even gave him that look occasionally.
Funny how life happened. Before, he would have done just about anything to have girls look at him like that. Not because he wanted one as a girlfriend or anything like that, but to prove himself and his place in the village. If girls looked at him like that, then maybe-maybe he would have a chance. Maybe he could catch that one person’s eye, keep the gaze on him.
But now…he had the looks and the person whose look matter most never came his way, ever. Before, he felt he was almost there and if he just was more attractive, it would be the final step. Instead, when he had gone through his metamorphosis, it had pushed his one person further away. No matter what he did, it didn’t help. His one dream, his one desire, had moved out of his reach and he had no idea how to get things back the way they were before.
He sighed and turned away from the mirror that mocked him. He would never be able to gain all that weight back; his metabolism had been changed forever when he took that pill. He couldn’t go back to the way things were when people mocked him, but at least then he had the hopes of getting that one person’s attention.
He flopped dejectedly on his bed. He had thought that being just at little bit more attractive would be enough, and now he knew it wasn’t. He had nothing else left to try and prove himself with. He wasn’t smart and he’d never be; his days at the academy had proven that. He was never going to an amazing ninja with powerful jutsus and strength so palpable that everyone could feel it even if he wasn’t trying. He was never going to be clever, witty, stunningly handsome, or charming.
He was just plain, stupid, boring Chouji. Safe and pathetic. Sad, lonely, worthless Chouji. Always has been, and always will be.
He knew it was useless, but he let himself wish. Wishing he was smart enough, attractive enough, and good enough to catching that one person’s eye and have it stay on him, forever. If only he could be someone else, someone better than ordinary old Chouji.
He was slowly getting dressed when he heard his father call up to him to tell him he had company. He had barely finished getting his vest on when Shikamaru slunk into his room.
He made himself grin, even though all he wanted to do was wallow in self-pity for just a little bit longer. “Hi. What brings you here?”
Shikamaru gave him his customary nod before plopping down on the bed next to Chouji, limbs sprawling every which way. “It was too troublesome.” He grunted. “There was nothing good to see in the clouds.”
Feeling the worry hit him instantaneously, Chouji focused all of his attention on his best friend. “Are you feeling all right?” He asked, carefully feeling Shikamaru’s forehead for a fever. “Do you want me to make you some soup or something?”
Shikamaru watched him for a moment, then slowly smiled. “I’m fine. There just was nothing new today.”
“Are you sure? It won’t be any trouble-”
Fingers suddenly braided in the hair at the back of his head and pulled it down. Chouji nearly fell over as Shikamaru mumbled “That’d be too wearisome,” across Chouji’s mouth before gently closing the distance between them.
Chouji really did lose his balance at that point.
Shikamaru let out a slight breath of sharp air, but didn’t give Chouji a chance to apologise. He kissed Chouji again, a little bit more forcefully.
When Shikamaru pulled back slightly, Chouji stared at him. “…Me?” He finally whispered, unable to come up with more than that.
The chunin under him smiled slightly. “It’d be too troublesome to kiss someone I didn’t like.”
“But…”
A thin eyebrow rose slightly. “What, you think I’d like someone else?”
Chouji lowered his eyes. “I’m nothing special. You should-”
“Tch, don’t be bothersome. I see only someone amazing and sweet in front of me. And if you’re thinking anything differently, you need to change your mind.”
The hand in his hair gently tugged his face back up and close again. “And if you need help changing your mind…” Shikamaru quietly breathed into his mouth. “I’d love to help.”
x Fin x
Chouji took a deep breath and made himself look. The mirror-as always-was unforgiving.
It was funny. He had never really liked looking in the mirror before he had lost all his weight because-despite everything he said and did-he felt fat. He hated other people calling him that; hadn’t he thrown the word at himself enough? He didn’t need others point it out. Anyhow, they said if you said something enough, it would become true.
He stared at his reflection. It was ironic, almost. He had spent years insisting he had big bones and now people could see that. And now-
And now-girls didn’t look at him with the same level of disgust and pity. Girl actually gave him sidelong glances; not quite the blatant admiring looks they threw at Neji or they used to throw at Sasuke, but looks that measured him up and said that he wasn’t an eyesore any more, looks that said he bordered on being very attractive. Ino even gave him that look occasionally.
Funny how life happened. Before, he would have done just about anything to have girls look at him like that. Not because he wanted one as a girlfriend or anything like that, but to prove himself and his place in the village. If girls looked at him like that, then maybe-maybe he would have a chance. Maybe he could catch that one person’s eye, keep the gaze on him.
But now…he had the looks and the person whose look matter most never came his way, ever. Before, he felt he was almost there and if he just was more attractive, it would be the final step. Instead, when he had gone through his metamorphosis, it had pushed his one person further away. No matter what he did, it didn’t help. His one dream, his one desire, had moved out of his reach and he had no idea how to get things back the way they were before.
He sighed and turned away from the mirror that mocked him. He would never be able to gain all that weight back; his metabolism had been changed forever when he took that pill. He couldn’t go back to the way things were when people mocked him, but at least then he had the hopes of getting that one person’s attention.
He flopped dejectedly on his bed. He had thought that being just at little bit more attractive would be enough, and now he knew it wasn’t. He had nothing else left to try and prove himself with. He wasn’t smart and he’d never be; his days at the academy had proven that. He was never going to an amazing ninja with powerful jutsus and strength so palpable that everyone could feel it even if he wasn’t trying. He was never going to be clever, witty, stunningly handsome, or charming.
He was just plain, stupid, boring Chouji. Safe and pathetic. Sad, lonely, worthless Chouji. Always has been, and always will be.
He knew it was useless, but he let himself wish. Wishing he was smart enough, attractive enough, and good enough to catching that one person’s eye and have it stay on him, forever. If only he could be someone else, someone better than ordinary old Chouji.
He was slowly getting dressed when he heard his father call up to him to tell him he had company. He had barely finished getting his vest on when Shikamaru slunk into his room.
He made himself grin, even though all he wanted to do was wallow in self-pity for just a little bit longer. “Hi. What brings you here?”
Shikamaru gave him his customary nod before plopping down on the bed next to Chouji, limbs sprawling every which way. “It was too troublesome.” He grunted. “There was nothing good to see in the clouds.”
Feeling the worry hit him instantaneously, Chouji focused all of his attention on his best friend. “Are you feeling all right?” He asked, carefully feeling Shikamaru’s forehead for a fever. “Do you want me to make you some soup or something?”
Shikamaru watched him for a moment, then slowly smiled. “I’m fine. There just was nothing new today.”
“Are you sure? It won’t be any trouble-”
Fingers suddenly braided in the hair at the back of his head and pulled it down. Chouji nearly fell over as Shikamaru mumbled “That’d be too wearisome,” across Chouji’s mouth before gently closing the distance between them.
Chouji really did lose his balance at that point.
Shikamaru let out a slight breath of sharp air, but didn’t give Chouji a chance to apologise. He kissed Chouji again, a little bit more forcefully.
When Shikamaru pulled back slightly, Chouji stared at him. “…Me?” He finally whispered, unable to come up with more than that.
The chunin under him smiled slightly. “It’d be too troublesome to kiss someone I didn’t like.”
“But…”
A thin eyebrow rose slightly. “What, you think I’d like someone else?”
Chouji lowered his eyes. “I’m nothing special. You should-”
“Tch, don’t be bothersome. I see only someone amazing and sweet in front of me. And if you’re thinking anything differently, you need to change your mind.”
The hand in his hair gently tugged his face back up and close again. “And if you need help changing your mind…” Shikamaru quietly breathed into his mouth. “I’d love to help.”
x Fin x