(no subject)
Today was a pretty good day. Not having work for once, I spent I think a grand total of seven hours drawing, or rather, actually working. The drawing I started yesterday is now about two-thirds done. If I didn't realize I needed to add another majorly time-consuming element to it, it would be done by now. Worked from one to four, took a break, and then worked for a few hours more. Ah, the feel of my duties being chosen, the ones I actually think are worthwhile. I may have a job about two days a week, probably not quite enough to scrape by, but I can try. I don't want to go back to working five days a week on things I hate. I want to keep up this creativity, this devotion to what I believe in. If I grow fast enough, maybe I can be making a little money off my art sooner than I thought. Maybe a few months. Sure, the months before then will suck, but the possibility of reaching that goal, of being a professional artist, making that commitment... Well, that lasts a lifetime, doesn't it?
No, says the ego, you need to keep selling your soul and take it slow. I know listening to that voice all the time will keep me from my goals forever. I just wonder, is this the time to give it the finger?
I also had some great conversations with my siblings. They really are the best I could possibly have hoped for. Talked to Lorne about random topics scattered around 2-3 hours, and talked to Emily about the same sort of thing I wrote about yesterday, with the bit about the goth girls. I really think there's magic in seeing someone who, temporarily, fleetingly even, looks perfect, ornate and inhuman, like a symbol of something higher. And both my sister and I want to try it, to make that sort of look every once in a while, turn into a goddess of sorts. I can see it happening in my future, but it's not my highest priority at the moment.
Wow, it really seems to have worked. I read Kerouac's journals and was struck by how true and important they seemed, how he said what was really in his heart at the time, and wondered if I could do the same here. It's been kind of a bumpy road, but I think this journal has become a lot more honest, delving a lot more into my soul. I try to keep myself from thinking about what other people will think, especially for this experiment, which kind of hinges on my ignoring the audience and just focusing inwards. Still, what do you three or four people reading this think?
No, says the ego, you need to keep selling your soul and take it slow. I know listening to that voice all the time will keep me from my goals forever. I just wonder, is this the time to give it the finger?
I also had some great conversations with my siblings. They really are the best I could possibly have hoped for. Talked to Lorne about random topics scattered around 2-3 hours, and talked to Emily about the same sort of thing I wrote about yesterday, with the bit about the goth girls. I really think there's magic in seeing someone who, temporarily, fleetingly even, looks perfect, ornate and inhuman, like a symbol of something higher. And both my sister and I want to try it, to make that sort of look every once in a while, turn into a goddess of sorts. I can see it happening in my future, but it's not my highest priority at the moment.
Wow, it really seems to have worked. I read Kerouac's journals and was struck by how true and important they seemed, how he said what was really in his heart at the time, and wondered if I could do the same here. It's been kind of a bumpy road, but I think this journal has become a lot more honest, delving a lot more into my soul. I try to keep myself from thinking about what other people will think, especially for this experiment, which kind of hinges on my ignoring the audience and just focusing inwards. Still, what do you three or four people reading this think?