Preoccupied, much?
Not much happened today. My days seem to be getting shorter; I'm probably just wasting more time on the Internet again. Been working(I mean art) more or less daily, which is good. Trying to do some quicker, shorter bits, but they're not coming out all that great so far. I still suck at people. Landscapes are all right, though. Did a picture of what I want to look like; lighter, more flowy hair, androgynous face, no body hair, that sort of thing. I might put it online, might not. I seem to want to be feminine more than ever before. It's kind of been a theme ever since puberty; try hopelessly to look androgynous, or give in and look male? I doubt I'll give in ever again, though, feeling much more like I have to be me, screw reality. So no more beards, guys. I'm having daydreams about being a girl a lot lately. Always liked androgyny, but this is out-and-out female, which is a little odd. I don't THINK I'm transgendered, but who knows? I think I'd rather be in-between. I learned a new word a few days ago: Pangendered. I like it. Even better than pansexual. Pansexual makes me think of horny goat gods, though. Odd, that.
Speaking of dreams, I woke up this morning at 9, like usual, and needed a nap. So I went back to sleep for about an hour, and I seem to recall a dream where Cynthia McKinney, the Green party candidate, won the election. I walked into my room and there she was in lingerie. "Time to consummate the relationship," she announced, and raped me. What does THAT mean, Freud? Maybe it means I should start classifying myself as bisexual again; I was on a guy kick for the last couple years, but swinging towards center lately. Don't really want to date girls, but they're not unattractive. I suppose I mostly don't want to date them because it forces me into a very male role, since I'd be contrasted with someone very female. Yes, that's right, back to my gender problems. Once I get more androgynous, I could see myself dating a butch girl; for now, I guess I'll stick to guys.
Just listen to me. "Once I get more androgynous". No ifs about it, any more. Sure will be an uphill battle,
though, I sigh to myself with a glance down at the Austin Powers-like chest hair.
Speaking of dreams, I woke up this morning at 9, like usual, and needed a nap. So I went back to sleep for about an hour, and I seem to recall a dream where Cynthia McKinney, the Green party candidate, won the election. I walked into my room and there she was in lingerie. "Time to consummate the relationship," she announced, and raped me. What does THAT mean, Freud? Maybe it means I should start classifying myself as bisexual again; I was on a guy kick for the last couple years, but swinging towards center lately. Don't really want to date girls, but they're not unattractive. I suppose I mostly don't want to date them because it forces me into a very male role, since I'd be contrasted with someone very female. Yes, that's right, back to my gender problems. Once I get more androgynous, I could see myself dating a butch girl; for now, I guess I'll stick to guys.
Just listen to me. "Once I get more androgynous". No ifs about it, any more. Sure will be an uphill battle,
though, I sigh to myself with a glance down at the Austin Powers-like chest hair.