Jari's State of the Spirit Address -- caution: religious content
Every night before bed I read a chapter of the Bible. Sometimes the sheer enthralling power of the story catches me and I get sucked in, reading chapters and chapters before I even realize it. This used to be such a problem I had to be pretty strict about the "one chapter" rule, because when you read too much, you can't really digest and think about it. For me, if it's more than a chapter behind, I've probably forgotten it, anyways. :-3 However, breadth is good sometimes, too...like the difference between an English class reading assignment and an independent one. You enjoy the book a lot more when you're on your own and aren't held back by "this week we talk about this chapter, class". And some things are lots more easily seen in the large picture than under the microscope. But all that is neither here nor there. Anyhow, I was granted insight (and I do say "granted", because the Lord was guiding my thoughts; it wasn't written plainly in the text, but when I read what I did, all the pieces fell together) into a question I've been debating about internally for a while now. I had a tentative decision sketched out in my mind some time ago, but I'm always open to new ideas (or at least I try to be), and recently I came upon a rather straightforward one to the opposition. I would have said it fairly decisive, except that it wasn't, and something about it sat wrong with me. Like, deep inside, a part of my spirit that saying "something just doesn't fit here". So I have my answer, and I feel good about it. At peace, you might say.
In related news, I can honestly say I feel good in my soul (not just religiously). I'd like to think I feel that way most of the time, but lately I've been having trouble with, well, knots, for lack of a better word. Nah, that's not a very good word. Kind of like my soul was stiff and un-bendy, and then it got a chance to stretch out and limber up. Which kind of leads into my second revelation for the evening....
I have a per peeve that isn't particularly intense, but is still something I often comment on: Churchy Words. A friend of mine called it "Christianeese", but it's basically Christian jargon. Christian-specific terms that sound cool but that most people don't *readily* know the definition of, even among Christians. Words that could just as easily be expressed in everyday English. Words like "sanctification" and "fellowship" and the like. It bugs me that some people automatically use these words without even thinking about what they really mean when saying public prayers and the like. *deep breath* Anyhow, rant aside, there are one or two situations where a specific Churchy Word has a practical use. The one I'm thinking about is "brokenness", which, as far as I know, doesn't have an equivalent in English (actually, spellcheck just okayed it, so maybe it's already is a word in English? o.0 By the way, does anyone besides me ever wonder why "spellcheck" isn't in the spellcheck dictionary, but spellchecked and spellchecker is?). "Brokenness" is basically when you're at the very, very end of your rope and there's absolutely nothing else to turn to or anywhere to go, nothing else to depend on. Actually, that's not quite what brokenness is, but when you hit that point emotionally and spiritually, you're in the state of mind called "brokenness". You don't necessarily have to be in those circumstances or at the "very, very end of your rope" in order to experience brokenness, though; that's more of "forced" brokenness. :-3 You just have to let everything go.
I think brokenness is a good thing. It keeps you oriented on what's important. Most of what we worry about in life isn't worth our worry, and even most of what is worth worrying about can't be changed by worrying. Any psychologist will agree that unrestrained tears are a good thing every once in a while. A healthy thing. Sort of cleansing the soul. Brokenness is the same thing. A state of being utterly receptive to God.
Hmmm....I'm not sure where I was going with this, except that my second revelation was a (better) answer to a question I was posed many years ago, when I was a Sunday School teacher. And that question was: I keep asking God to speak to me. If He exists, why doesn't He answer? My answer was that while sometimes for some people He "whacks them upside the head" to get their attention (that's what He did to/for me), it isn't until you search for and reach out (I almost said "seek", which would have blow a big hole in my Churchy Words rant :-3 ) to Him sincerely that you really, truly find Him and His Plan for you. It came to me tonight that brokenness was the state of mind I was trying to describe. If you reach out to Him with all your heart, absolutely nothing held back for your own, then you will really, truly know Him, and He will speak to you. Even for me, who God showed himself to, I never really knew Him or really understood what He wanted for me, or even believed He was real, until I hit that "broken" point.
I'm afraid I didn't even begin to describe "brokenness", or accurately portray spiritual brokenness, why it's good for you (in small doses), and how it can be achieved without needing to loose everything, but I never was very good at writing what I meant. Whenever I look up a word in the dictionary, I'm always amazed at how they can say the definition so accurately and concisely. I could write volumes trying to define the same word, even a basic one, and never hit it head on like they do in a few words. :-P
In related news, I can honestly say I feel good in my soul (not just religiously). I'd like to think I feel that way most of the time, but lately I've been having trouble with, well, knots, for lack of a better word. Nah, that's not a very good word. Kind of like my soul was stiff and un-bendy, and then it got a chance to stretch out and limber up. Which kind of leads into my second revelation for the evening....
I have a per peeve that isn't particularly intense, but is still something I often comment on: Churchy Words. A friend of mine called it "Christianeese", but it's basically Christian jargon. Christian-specific terms that sound cool but that most people don't *readily* know the definition of, even among Christians. Words that could just as easily be expressed in everyday English. Words like "sanctification" and "fellowship" and the like. It bugs me that some people automatically use these words without even thinking about what they really mean when saying public prayers and the like. *deep breath* Anyhow, rant aside, there are one or two situations where a specific Churchy Word has a practical use. The one I'm thinking about is "brokenness", which, as far as I know, doesn't have an equivalent in English (actually, spellcheck just okayed it, so maybe it's already is a word in English? o.0 By the way, does anyone besides me ever wonder why "spellcheck" isn't in the spellcheck dictionary, but spellchecked and spellchecker is?). "Brokenness" is basically when you're at the very, very end of your rope and there's absolutely nothing else to turn to or anywhere to go, nothing else to depend on. Actually, that's not quite what brokenness is, but when you hit that point emotionally and spiritually, you're in the state of mind called "brokenness". You don't necessarily have to be in those circumstances or at the "very, very end of your rope" in order to experience brokenness, though; that's more of "forced" brokenness. :-3 You just have to let everything go.
I think brokenness is a good thing. It keeps you oriented on what's important. Most of what we worry about in life isn't worth our worry, and even most of what is worth worrying about can't be changed by worrying. Any psychologist will agree that unrestrained tears are a good thing every once in a while. A healthy thing. Sort of cleansing the soul. Brokenness is the same thing. A state of being utterly receptive to God.
Hmmm....I'm not sure where I was going with this, except that my second revelation was a (better) answer to a question I was posed many years ago, when I was a Sunday School teacher. And that question was: I keep asking God to speak to me. If He exists, why doesn't He answer? My answer was that while sometimes for some people He "whacks them upside the head" to get their attention (that's what He did to/for me), it isn't until you search for and reach out (I almost said "seek", which would have blow a big hole in my Churchy Words rant :-3 ) to Him sincerely that you really, truly find Him and His Plan for you. It came to me tonight that brokenness was the state of mind I was trying to describe. If you reach out to Him with all your heart, absolutely nothing held back for your own, then you will really, truly know Him, and He will speak to you. Even for me, who God showed himself to, I never really knew Him or really understood what He wanted for me, or even believed He was real, until I hit that "broken" point.
I'm afraid I didn't even begin to describe "brokenness", or accurately portray spiritual brokenness, why it's good for you (in small doses), and how it can be achieved without needing to loose everything, but I never was very good at writing what I meant. Whenever I look up a word in the dictionary, I'm always amazed at how they can say the definition so accurately and concisely. I could write volumes trying to define the same word, even a basic one, and never hit it head on like they do in a few words. :-P