its all about me??
I have recently come to a realization. It was one of those that is so obvious, it was invisible to me. A can't see the forest for all the trees sort of thing. In this case the "trees" are my children. I've been acutely aware that my teenage daughter takes up more than her share of the slack around here. It isn't surprising considering the fact that the next oldest sibling has a diagnosis of PDD-NOS and ADHD, the next oldest is a typical bratty boy who tries to see what he can get away with, and the next oldest is a three year old with a solid Autism diagnosis and can be more than a handful. Oh, did I mention there is an 18 month old too?
Yes, we're all busy and I've been trying like mad to be sure the testing gets done so that the treatments can be administered. I'm making the appointments and trying to discipline and hoping I'm meeting all their needs. The eight year old has an encopresis issue we're dealing with and his rectum is enlarged. We're waiting for it to shrink back down to a normal size. It's been a crazy time. The three year old is still on waiting lists for all his treatments. The eleven year old is plugging along and we're trying to discern whether or not the recent addition of ADHD to her previous diagnosis warrants the use of medicine, behavioral training or both. I"ve been so busy and overwhelmed as anyone might imagine. I'm tired and weighted down and I honestly don't know if it is a depression symptom or thyroid. Anyone might be weighted down and overwhelmed int these circumstances after all.
But today, when I was reading about the structured environment it will take to have my eleven year old (and the three year old too I'm sure) thrive, I became overwhelmed in a totally different way. Yes I know my emotions are influenced by my hormones right now. Yes I know I wouldn't have had such an emotional reaction otherwise. But the truth is that I couldn't help but notice that the one who needs to be on medicine is actually ME! Yes, that's right. I have a LOT to handle here. Add into the mix having to handle a schedule for my children (yes there are five) as well as myself and you've got a person like me reeling and begging for help that will never cone. I can't get someone to come in here and live my life for me, it has to be me doing it.
The big realization of the day is that if I really want to do the best I can to help my children, I need to go to the doctor and get myself some medicine. Something longer acting that will work well for me. Maybe Ritilin or concerta. But something that will give me that extra edge that I need. For years I've been noticing that we cannot afford things and the kids have to come first. But in the end, somehow it is about me after all. I am the mother here and I have to be able to live out my vocation as such. I can't believe I'm saying or thinking these things without freaking out, but there you have it. I need to do this. I need to step up and change my primary care physician so that I can get the help I need. My family deserves my best and I need to be able to give it to them.
Yes, we're all busy and I've been trying like mad to be sure the testing gets done so that the treatments can be administered. I'm making the appointments and trying to discipline and hoping I'm meeting all their needs. The eight year old has an encopresis issue we're dealing with and his rectum is enlarged. We're waiting for it to shrink back down to a normal size. It's been a crazy time. The three year old is still on waiting lists for all his treatments. The eleven year old is plugging along and we're trying to discern whether or not the recent addition of ADHD to her previous diagnosis warrants the use of medicine, behavioral training or both. I"ve been so busy and overwhelmed as anyone might imagine. I'm tired and weighted down and I honestly don't know if it is a depression symptom or thyroid. Anyone might be weighted down and overwhelmed int these circumstances after all.
But today, when I was reading about the structured environment it will take to have my eleven year old (and the three year old too I'm sure) thrive, I became overwhelmed in a totally different way. Yes I know my emotions are influenced by my hormones right now. Yes I know I wouldn't have had such an emotional reaction otherwise. But the truth is that I couldn't help but notice that the one who needs to be on medicine is actually ME! Yes, that's right. I have a LOT to handle here. Add into the mix having to handle a schedule for my children (yes there are five) as well as myself and you've got a person like me reeling and begging for help that will never cone. I can't get someone to come in here and live my life for me, it has to be me doing it.
The big realization of the day is that if I really want to do the best I can to help my children, I need to go to the doctor and get myself some medicine. Something longer acting that will work well for me. Maybe Ritilin or concerta. But something that will give me that extra edge that I need. For years I've been noticing that we cannot afford things and the kids have to come first. But in the end, somehow it is about me after all. I am the mother here and I have to be able to live out my vocation as such. I can't believe I'm saying or thinking these things without freaking out, but there you have it. I need to do this. I need to step up and change my primary care physician so that I can get the help I need. My family deserves my best and I need to be able to give it to them.