Losing My Innocence Chapter 14
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: SiHae (SiwonXDonghae), featuring Yoona
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Slash
Disclaimer: Story is fictional
Note: Written in Donghae's POV
Chapter List | Work Archives
The Bird and The Fish
losing my innocence
by Jarield Lunel de Mourcerf
Chapter 14
This was hopeless, I had been staring this blank canvass for seemed like an hour or two but nothing came to my mind. Usually, painting was my way to channel all my frustrations. But not today, it was not working. Not only in painting, but in general, I felt like my life had been, lack of a better word, pointless. There were things I wanted to do, play basketball, watch cartoons, eat an ice cream, but when I was about to do it, I suddenly felt like not doing it at all.
It was like all the inspirations in my life was gone like a bubble…
It had been like this for about three days, since the argument I had with Siwon in the rooftop. Speaking of the insolent human being, damn him! I knew he was hiding something big from me. That good for nothing, useless bastard! How can he be so secretive? He already knew every secret I kept. Some friend he was, closing his door like that. Okay, let’s say that the bastard was not ready to tell anything he was keeping. I would be compassionate and let him be, be a rational being and respect his privacy. But he did not need to shout at me, or do that scowl in his face that he did not want me to be near him. Talk about major attitude!
Maybe… we were not meant to be friends after all. Maybe we would were better off as enemies, or just strangers. And maybe… Maybe, maybe, maybe, damn hell! I didn’t want to cry! I didn’t want to cry because of that bastard! Stupid bastard! You are not worth my tears! But what if I really lose him; what would become of us?
Oh crap! There were no tears that came out, but my eyes were a bit watery. Stop it Donghae! I knew that you were always over dramatic. But the bastard was not worth it! He was not worth it! Just get some sleep and you would get your life back by tomorrow.
I wish…
-----
Hyukjae had been very very disappointed too. Suddenly, he was acting like this paranoid friend scared of losing a friend. He also could tell that Siwon was having problems. As it turned out, Siwon did not only distance himself to me, but also to Hyukjae. Stupid Bastard! Thinking he could hide his self in the world, well he couldn’t! He was a huge boy in the first place.
“Maybe he has Cancer. And he was doing this distance thingy so that the people around him will not get hurt much. You know like in the dramas.” Hyukjae blurted out.
“Are you serious? That bastard is an alien, even Cancer is afraid of him.”
“But it could be true Hae, and Siwon will die.”
“Siwon will not die Hyukjae. He was being melodrama, teenage angst and crap.”
Hyukjae looked at me wide eye, “You think so?”
“I know so… So stop with the theories.”
What if Siwon really did have cancer? I know even I acted cool in front of Hyukjae, it was a social hazard, I knew I was as paranoid as my friend. What the hell was wrong with you Siwon?
So in the end, I was the one who raised a white flag and miserably been attempting to talk to bastard but my mouth usually go dry when I faced him. I wanted to say something but I just couldn’t get it straight.
I spent the minutes of our free period looking for the bastard. I went to student council office, at the roof top, at our classroom, but there was no sign of Siwon. That bastard was like a rat when it came to hide and seek. I finally spotted him in the most secluded part of the library. Come to think of it, this was where I found him before when I saw him sleeping. But this time, he was awake, he was not holding a book, and he was not on the floor. Instead, he was standing leaning on one of the bookshelves. He looked really cool like that. Actually he looked really handsome, and sexy. His body looked so long and fit with his stature too. Get a grip Donghae! Stop ogling and start walking!
I started walking to him slowly. And just my luck, he also tilted his head and looked at my direction. Okay, I was so not nervous! I was so not nervous! I mean I was just going to talk to the bastard, who as of the moment was so cold that his eyes could freeze hell, and who was not obviously not pleasant to see me as of the moment.
He took away his gaze on me; obviously trying his best to ignore me. I halted when I was an arm reached near him.
“So you found me…” he uttered, I didn’t answer. “You want to talk?” he asked I am really stunned.
“Yes… I just want to know if you’re okay.” I said. I know that I looked like a loser when I said that, especially with the way I was scratching my head, and avoiding his eyes. But at least I was able to say a word, that’s actually a development. He sighed, and that’s it! It is now or never! I have to say what I have to say.
He showed his two hands, “I still have ten fingers. If you want, you could check my toes too.”
“Ha ha ha… Very funny.” I said sarcastically. Then suddenly, I remembered my conversation with Hyukjae “Ahm Siwon, do you have cancer?” That was probably one of the dumbest question I had ever asked.
“What?” Oh man, I think I just made the bastard angry. Well, he was always angry these days, nothing really new about that, same old bastard Siwon with his secretive teenage angst.
“I was just asking!”
He did this shake in his head like he was through of something, more like someone, and that someone was me. Okay, Siwon, thank you. Thank you for being sensitive enough and show me how much you were unimpressed of any of my rumbling.
“No Donghae… I don’t have cancer.” Maybe he had a different disease, maybe he had HIV, or goiter, or leprosy. Ho-my-god! And just as always, Siwon, for still unexplainable reason, actually read my mind. “And I don’t have HIV, leprosy, or any other disease.” Okay, that was awkward. If the bastard was not an alien, then he must be a mutant with telepathic powers.
“So you are not dying?”
I knew I should have shut my mouth. I should had prevented any word coming out in my mouth or Siwon wouldn’t be looking at me like how a bad stray dog would look at a hopeless lost cat. Oh crap! The big bad dog seemed impatient with only looking. He took steps forward charging at me, and I took steps backward. It was a natural response, to keep myself out of danger. Uh-oh! I was so in trouble. Everything happened so fast because suddenly, Siwon’s right fist was on the wall beside my head while his left hand was pressed on the same wall at the side of my shoulders. There was no escape. The bastard cornered me. Poor lost cat being bullied by the stray dog.
He was so close. In fact he was so damn close that I could hear his breathing. He was scary, and he was sexy too. He looked frustrated, like there was some bottled up feelings inside of him that needed to let out. I lost all my strength to move, not when he was staring at me intently. The bastard was so tall. Suddenly I felt so small looking up at him.
“Siwon? What is happening?” I could feel my heart beating fast.
“Isn’t it obvious Hae? I am taking advantage of you.”
He was what? Suddenly he was leaning closer to me oh so slowly. What the hell is wrong with the world? What am I doing here leaned in this wall, with no escape, with the bastard, as what the bastard said, being taken advantage of. And as predictable the rest of the world was, all I did shut my eyes firmly, doing nothing, waiting for what would happen, on what he would do to me. Here he comes, here he comes, here he… But nothing happened. When I opened my eyes, Siwon still looked frustrated but his face was no less nearer me.
He sighed and looked at me “Piece of advice Donghae. Right now I am the last person you should associate with. I could do bad things to you.” Generally speaking, the bastard had been doing a lot of bad things to me. So if those things weren’t bad yet in his dictionary, I so didn’t want to find out what those things are. I suddenly felt like in the action hero movies where he was this super villain, and I was this captive that the hero needed to be saved. Except you know, the super villain actually looked like Superman.
I gulped, “What will you do?” I asked a bit shaken up. Was there a way for me to get out of this human cage? Please, somebody help me!
“Something that will strip you away from your manliness that you treasure so much. If I lose my control, I could forcefully take away something from you that you can never get back. Something very precious.”
Something that would strip me away in my what?! What the heck was he talking about?! But seriously, what was he planning to do? Was he going to kill me? Life is precious right? But Siwon couldn’t be that evil. Or maybe he was going to show in the entire school my childhood picture where I was wearing a dress. Don’t ask, I call it a mother’s insanity due to desperation on wanting to have a daughter. Don’t tell me that he was…
“You are not planning in burning my alien action figure are you?!”
Suddenly, his expression changed. He was still frustrated but none more of those angry fiery glares. He took his hands away from the wall, and rested his arms. Finally! I was free! He palmed his forehead, then started massaging them lightly, he was having a headache? Because of what I said? That’s what you get for bullying me you bastard! And that was quick karma.
Then even without looking at me, the bastard turned around and started walking. So he was planning to leave me without a word. Oh come’ on, he was seriously walking away?!
Must say something! Must make the bastard stay! Must, must…
“It’s my birthday.” That was random, but that was something I had been meaning to tell him anyway, so it was not that random at all right? “In two days, it will be my eighteenth birthday.” Well, it worked though, he stopped in his tracks. “There will be a little get together in my house. And I want you to be there.” There was no response from him, this bastard “Please…”
He did not say anything and stood about two yards away from me. We were still for like thirty seconds, until the bastard, as cold as Antarctica walked again.
Making the bastard stay: Mission Failed.
-----
Two days had passed since the incident in the library. And to be completely honest, there wasn’t any change between Siwon and I. He was still this dark lord hiding secrets of his misery from his ever handsome, soldier of goodness, totally understanding friend. But he seemed to have cheered up a little these days though. I heard from Hyukjae that Siwon was not ignoring him anymore. Something like Siwon just went to normal in an instant. That guy was quite scary to think he could change personalities like that. Although I was quite relief that Siwon was knida okay; I can’t help but feel a little sad because Siwon talked to Hyukjae but not to me.
Was I jealous? Of course not… Who was I anyway? Hyukjae had been Siwon’s friend before I did. And Hyukjae was my friend too. Hyukjae treated us equally, I treated both of them equally, I think. But Siwon was not treating us equally. If I know better, Siwon is in love with Hyuk.
The guy he liked was Hyuk? It was a possibility you know. Come to think of it, Hyuk was able to cheered Siwon, something I failed to do. Did that mean Hyuk was his happiness?
Damn you Lee Hyukjae! You traitor! How could you?! You were my friend! And what the hell did I just said?!
Shockz! I sliced this tomato the wrong way! Damn Donghae, focus. You didn’t want to sabotage you’re your birthday party with a bad food. Oh yeah, unfortunately it was my birthday today, and it was Saturday. And you got that right; I was cooking the food for my birthday party. If you asked why; I feel like cooking during my birthday. Just to be different from other people and I didn’t cook often anyway. At the same time, I loved food and preparing them was fun. Contrary to common belief, I could actually make foods, it did not taste decent, it freaking tasted delicious. Lots of people were surprised of my special talent, which I didn’t get at all. Did I look like the type that could burn a kitchen with idiocy?
You get the story, I should be focusing with my cooking but instead that bastard Siwon was occupying my mind, again. I really despised him. I wonder if he would come later. I sent him a text messages and e-mail, all his three emails. He should come! He really should or I swear I was going to shave those thick eyebrows of him.
-----
Some of our relatives and close friends were in our house to celebrate my birthday with me. But as what I had expected, there was no trace of that bastard. Even my parents were asking about him. Did I mention how much they adore Siwon? Scary alien winning graces from my beloved parents. I just said that he was quite busy and he might come if god permits because I ain’t sure either if he will come.
But I hope he’ll come though. It quite felt sad without him.
Screw him if he would not come! I had spent birthdays in the past without him. And it’s my freaking birthday, I should be happy. All of my close friends were here, and there are many of them. And he was just one person. Why should I sulk? I shouldn’t be sulking. And I was so not looking at the door, I was so not checking if there would be a certain living tower suddenly stepping inside with a jerk face on. I was so not waiting for the bastard!
“Hae, are you waiting for someone? You keep on glancing at the door. Are there other guests you invited?” Hyukjae, the traitor, asked me, must be his monkey cells, being extra keen with his environment.
“Maybe there is…” I answered him, hope was in my voice. “But probably he isn’t gonna come anyway.” I said next, and I could tell Hyukjae must had been very confused with what I supplied him. I knew he wanted to ask more details but he just let it go.
“I’m gonna get some cake.” I said to Hyukjae, the traitor.
“Again?” Hyukjae, the traitor, said.
“I haven’t eaten the cake that you brought.” I told the traitor and walked out.
I went to the table and get a slice of Hyukjae’s, the traitor’s, chocolate cake. This was actually one hell of a birthday; I have liked four birthday cakes. One was bought by my parents of course, then there was one that was brought by my aunt, even my father’s colleague gave me a cake this year, and lastly, the traitor gave me another cake this year like what he had always been giving me every year in the three years of our friendship. And the best part, it was freaking the same chocolate cake. It was the same round simple chocolate cake that he was buying in the bakeshop near our school. Being the grateful, and voracious, birthday celebrator that I am, I know I should have a bite of each of these freaking cakes.
“Are you alright?” Yoona suddenly came and asked me.
“Yes… It’s my birthday, why shouldn’t I be okay?”
“I just thought… Never mind…” Yoona shrugged. There was silence again. “By the way! Here is my present for you!” Yoona immediately said maybe trying to break the silence. Okay, birthday presents! Hooray! I took the present from her hands.
“What’s this?” I asked cheekily.
“You can open it if you want.” Yoona said to me. I just raised an eyebrow.
I could see Yoona was very excited about this. It was written in her eyes, she might be so excited to see my reaction. Shouldn’t I be the more excited one since I was the receiver? In the end, I gave up and started untying the ribbon. I opened the box and it quite surprised me to see what it was.
“Calculator?...” I gave Yoona a questioning look. Why the hell did she just gave me a calculator? I was expecting a more fun present, not a simple calculator. And what the heck! It was pink! Maybe that was the reason why she was so excited.
“I thought you’ll need that… You are going to be an accountant right?” Yoona stated. So she did think about those stuffs.
“Thank you… But I still have my old calculator.” And it was not pink.
“It’s not like that. We are going to graduate someday. It’s just that I want something that will remind you that you have friend like me even if we are not together anymore. We will grow up Donghae, it is inevitable.” she said a little sad.
Yoona and I had a little talk about going to college. We had a general agreement that two of us should not hinder ourselves when it comes to fulfilling our dreams. So no ‘strictly the same school forever policy’. Yoona was planning to take horticulture and I was planning to take accountancy. With the kind of Yoona’s choice of course, she was set enroll in a country-based university, and I was going to stay in the city.
“You know, we will always be bestfriends no matter what…” I assured Yoona.
“I know that. But it won’t be the same. We won’t be in the same classes anymore nor the same school.” she said.
“Hey it’s not like you will not go home anymore. You will still be here during weekends when you are not busy. Or if you want, I’ll go in your school.”
“Yeah, I like that idea!”
“The graduation is quite far anyway. Let’s just enjoy the remaining times we had. And come ‘on, it’s my birthday. No time for goodbyes.” I said to her and she just smiled at me.
Enjoy the remaining time of my high school life. Yes, that should be what I’m supposed to be doing. Not being all emo because a certain bastard was still not showing appreciation of the good people, aka me, around him.
It’s nice to have good friends and loving family around. With their aid, I think I might had forgotten about Siwon for some time. Eventually, the gathering had ended and there was still no sign of Siwon. I knew I should not get depressed over that matter but I couldn’t help it but be. I really liked to see the bastard. I wanted him with me on my birthday.
Then I heard the doorbell. Siwon? That must be Siwon. I rushed to the door in an instant thinking it could possibly be Siwon. So much in my dismay though that when I opened the door it wasn’t Siwon that welcomed but a random unknown man.
“I have a package delivered for Lee Donghae.” the man said.
“I’m Lee Donghae.” I said.
“Oh great, here is your package.” the man said handing a one hell of a box.
And I tell you that the box wasn’t the lightest thing in the planet. The man just walked away after that and I was left dumbfounded in the door. Weird, weren’t delivery man had this things like signing? And it was already dark! I was not aware that people still do deliveries at this hour. After some time, I realized that there was no point in standing in the doorway so I decided to go inside our house, went directly to my room to open the package there.
I placed the box in my bed. With the lack of anything to do, I started to open it. When I opened the box, the first thing that I saw is an envelope. I opened the envelope to see a god damn card.
‘These are for all the birthdays that I missed.’
The package came from Siwon. He remembered my birthday. He had a package for me. He was not really dying was he? I mean, what’s with the package thingy?
As I scanned the package for the second time; I noticed that it was filled stuffs, or more like presents. I took the first present I could grab. There was a card attached on it written with ‘Happy 4th birthday’. I looked at the other presents and the greetings are the same only of different number pertaining to different ages.
Siwon did this? He gave me presents. I couldn’t help but be feel an excessive amount of joy. Siwon, as much as he was icy cold lately, he still cared for me, doesn’t he? Even if he was not here, the fact that I knew that he had still not forgotten me was causing me feel all rainbows and butterflies and honeys inside.
I opened the first present with the card written with ‘Happy 1st birthday’. And I was surely on fire when I opened it. Siwon gave me a rubber duckie. It’s yellow and it is irritably cute. I squeezed the duckie and it produced this awful sound. I just let it go and started opening my 2nd present. I am more pleased to see what it was. It’s a small blue pillow. I loved pillows and soft stuffs.
I realized that Siwon really had a creative way of giving me these presents. He actually gave me presents that match my age at those times which I could still use today. Like he chose to give me a Nemo plushy for my third birthday (this immediately became my favorite); a crayon for my fourth birthday; I think he was kinda making fun of me as I opened my present for my fifth birthday which were Nemo stickers; a toy water gun for my 6th, he got me three action figures of aliens respectively for my 7th to 9th birthday, very creative. It was in my 10th birthday that he became a little serious starting with a freaking gospel book. Then a sketchpad for my 11th birthday, a blanket for my 12th, guess what, a Nemo printed blanket. Love it! He decided to give me a soccer ball for my 13th birthday, a baseball cup on my 14th , white headphones for my 15th (I wish he gave me a new player instead), a bracelet on my 16th (wow it’s white gold, it looked expensive), and lastly, a paint brush for my 17th birthday. I smiled at the last present.
Wait, seventeen presents? As far as I remember I’m already 18. So he decided to give me a present for my birthdays and leave out my present birthday. Truly a bastard!
I looked at my clock and it is already 08:48 pm. Then my phone rang and it just so happened that I received a freaking text message. It came from the bastard.
‘Look outside’
I shifted my gaze to the window. Hesitation was running in my veins. You’re only going to peek Donghae, it’s not like you are going to die. Yeah, it’s not like I’ll be killed. After this small deliberation in my head, I actually walked to the window and peeked. I saw Siwon in front of our gate waiting.
He came! The bastard came! And he was staring right through me. And even from afar I could still feel those eyes piercing through my soul.
to be continued…Author’s Note: Question? Meany Siwon or Sweet Siwon? How about something just in between? Haha!
I love you fabulous people!
Pairing: SiHae (SiwonXDonghae), featuring Yoona
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance, Slash
Disclaimer: Story is fictional
Note: Written in Donghae's POV
Chapter List | Work Archives
The Bird and The Fish
losing my innocence
by Jarield Lunel de Mourcerf
Chapter 14
This was hopeless, I had been staring this blank canvass for seemed like an hour or two but nothing came to my mind. Usually, painting was my way to channel all my frustrations. But not today, it was not working. Not only in painting, but in general, I felt like my life had been, lack of a better word, pointless. There were things I wanted to do, play basketball, watch cartoons, eat an ice cream, but when I was about to do it, I suddenly felt like not doing it at all.
It was like all the inspirations in my life was gone like a bubble…
It had been like this for about three days, since the argument I had with Siwon in the rooftop. Speaking of the insolent human being, damn him! I knew he was hiding something big from me. That good for nothing, useless bastard! How can he be so secretive? He already knew every secret I kept. Some friend he was, closing his door like that. Okay, let’s say that the bastard was not ready to tell anything he was keeping. I would be compassionate and let him be, be a rational being and respect his privacy. But he did not need to shout at me, or do that scowl in his face that he did not want me to be near him. Talk about major attitude!
Maybe… we were not meant to be friends after all. Maybe we would were better off as enemies, or just strangers. And maybe… Maybe, maybe, maybe, damn hell! I didn’t want to cry! I didn’t want to cry because of that bastard! Stupid bastard! You are not worth my tears! But what if I really lose him; what would become of us?
Oh crap! There were no tears that came out, but my eyes were a bit watery. Stop it Donghae! I knew that you were always over dramatic. But the bastard was not worth it! He was not worth it! Just get some sleep and you would get your life back by tomorrow.
I wish…
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Hyukjae had been very very disappointed too. Suddenly, he was acting like this paranoid friend scared of losing a friend. He also could tell that Siwon was having problems. As it turned out, Siwon did not only distance himself to me, but also to Hyukjae. Stupid Bastard! Thinking he could hide his self in the world, well he couldn’t! He was a huge boy in the first place.
“Maybe he has Cancer. And he was doing this distance thingy so that the people around him will not get hurt much. You know like in the dramas.” Hyukjae blurted out.
“Are you serious? That bastard is an alien, even Cancer is afraid of him.”
“But it could be true Hae, and Siwon will die.”
“Siwon will not die Hyukjae. He was being melodrama, teenage angst and crap.”
Hyukjae looked at me wide eye, “You think so?”
“I know so… So stop with the theories.”
What if Siwon really did have cancer? I know even I acted cool in front of Hyukjae, it was a social hazard, I knew I was as paranoid as my friend. What the hell was wrong with you Siwon?
So in the end, I was the one who raised a white flag and miserably been attempting to talk to bastard but my mouth usually go dry when I faced him. I wanted to say something but I just couldn’t get it straight.
I spent the minutes of our free period looking for the bastard. I went to student council office, at the roof top, at our classroom, but there was no sign of Siwon. That bastard was like a rat when it came to hide and seek. I finally spotted him in the most secluded part of the library. Come to think of it, this was where I found him before when I saw him sleeping. But this time, he was awake, he was not holding a book, and he was not on the floor. Instead, he was standing leaning on one of the bookshelves. He looked really cool like that. Actually he looked really handsome, and sexy. His body looked so long and fit with his stature too. Get a grip Donghae! Stop ogling and start walking!
I started walking to him slowly. And just my luck, he also tilted his head and looked at my direction. Okay, I was so not nervous! I was so not nervous! I mean I was just going to talk to the bastard, who as of the moment was so cold that his eyes could freeze hell, and who was not obviously not pleasant to see me as of the moment.
He took away his gaze on me; obviously trying his best to ignore me. I halted when I was an arm reached near him.
“So you found me…” he uttered, I didn’t answer. “You want to talk?” he asked I am really stunned.
“Yes… I just want to know if you’re okay.” I said. I know that I looked like a loser when I said that, especially with the way I was scratching my head, and avoiding his eyes. But at least I was able to say a word, that’s actually a development. He sighed, and that’s it! It is now or never! I have to say what I have to say.
He showed his two hands, “I still have ten fingers. If you want, you could check my toes too.”
“Ha ha ha… Very funny.” I said sarcastically. Then suddenly, I remembered my conversation with Hyukjae “Ahm Siwon, do you have cancer?” That was probably one of the dumbest question I had ever asked.
“What?” Oh man, I think I just made the bastard angry. Well, he was always angry these days, nothing really new about that, same old bastard Siwon with his secretive teenage angst.
“I was just asking!”
He did this shake in his head like he was through of something, more like someone, and that someone was me. Okay, Siwon, thank you. Thank you for being sensitive enough and show me how much you were unimpressed of any of my rumbling.
“No Donghae… I don’t have cancer.” Maybe he had a different disease, maybe he had HIV, or goiter, or leprosy. Ho-my-god! And just as always, Siwon, for still unexplainable reason, actually read my mind. “And I don’t have HIV, leprosy, or any other disease.” Okay, that was awkward. If the bastard was not an alien, then he must be a mutant with telepathic powers.
“So you are not dying?”
I knew I should have shut my mouth. I should had prevented any word coming out in my mouth or Siwon wouldn’t be looking at me like how a bad stray dog would look at a hopeless lost cat. Oh crap! The big bad dog seemed impatient with only looking. He took steps forward charging at me, and I took steps backward. It was a natural response, to keep myself out of danger. Uh-oh! I was so in trouble. Everything happened so fast because suddenly, Siwon’s right fist was on the wall beside my head while his left hand was pressed on the same wall at the side of my shoulders. There was no escape. The bastard cornered me. Poor lost cat being bullied by the stray dog.
He was so close. In fact he was so damn close that I could hear his breathing. He was scary, and he was sexy too. He looked frustrated, like there was some bottled up feelings inside of him that needed to let out. I lost all my strength to move, not when he was staring at me intently. The bastard was so tall. Suddenly I felt so small looking up at him.
“Siwon? What is happening?” I could feel my heart beating fast.
“Isn’t it obvious Hae? I am taking advantage of you.”
He was what? Suddenly he was leaning closer to me oh so slowly. What the hell is wrong with the world? What am I doing here leaned in this wall, with no escape, with the bastard, as what the bastard said, being taken advantage of. And as predictable the rest of the world was, all I did shut my eyes firmly, doing nothing, waiting for what would happen, on what he would do to me. Here he comes, here he comes, here he… But nothing happened. When I opened my eyes, Siwon still looked frustrated but his face was no less nearer me.
He sighed and looked at me “Piece of advice Donghae. Right now I am the last person you should associate with. I could do bad things to you.” Generally speaking, the bastard had been doing a lot of bad things to me. So if those things weren’t bad yet in his dictionary, I so didn’t want to find out what those things are. I suddenly felt like in the action hero movies where he was this super villain, and I was this captive that the hero needed to be saved. Except you know, the super villain actually looked like Superman.
I gulped, “What will you do?” I asked a bit shaken up. Was there a way for me to get out of this human cage? Please, somebody help me!
“Something that will strip you away from your manliness that you treasure so much. If I lose my control, I could forcefully take away something from you that you can never get back. Something very precious.”
Something that would strip me away in my what?! What the heck was he talking about?! But seriously, what was he planning to do? Was he going to kill me? Life is precious right? But Siwon couldn’t be that evil. Or maybe he was going to show in the entire school my childhood picture where I was wearing a dress. Don’t ask, I call it a mother’s insanity due to desperation on wanting to have a daughter. Don’t tell me that he was…
“You are not planning in burning my alien action figure are you?!”
Suddenly, his expression changed. He was still frustrated but none more of those angry fiery glares. He took his hands away from the wall, and rested his arms. Finally! I was free! He palmed his forehead, then started massaging them lightly, he was having a headache? Because of what I said? That’s what you get for bullying me you bastard! And that was quick karma.
Then even without looking at me, the bastard turned around and started walking. So he was planning to leave me without a word. Oh come’ on, he was seriously walking away?!
Must say something! Must make the bastard stay! Must, must…
“It’s my birthday.” That was random, but that was something I had been meaning to tell him anyway, so it was not that random at all right? “In two days, it will be my eighteenth birthday.” Well, it worked though, he stopped in his tracks. “There will be a little get together in my house. And I want you to be there.” There was no response from him, this bastard “Please…”
He did not say anything and stood about two yards away from me. We were still for like thirty seconds, until the bastard, as cold as Antarctica walked again.
Making the bastard stay: Mission Failed.
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Two days had passed since the incident in the library. And to be completely honest, there wasn’t any change between Siwon and I. He was still this dark lord hiding secrets of his misery from his ever handsome, soldier of goodness, totally understanding friend. But he seemed to have cheered up a little these days though. I heard from Hyukjae that Siwon was not ignoring him anymore. Something like Siwon just went to normal in an instant. That guy was quite scary to think he could change personalities like that. Although I was quite relief that Siwon was knida okay; I can’t help but feel a little sad because Siwon talked to Hyukjae but not to me.
Was I jealous? Of course not… Who was I anyway? Hyukjae had been Siwon’s friend before I did. And Hyukjae was my friend too. Hyukjae treated us equally, I treated both of them equally, I think. But Siwon was not treating us equally. If I know better, Siwon is in love with Hyuk.
The guy he liked was Hyuk? It was a possibility you know. Come to think of it, Hyuk was able to cheered Siwon, something I failed to do. Did that mean Hyuk was his happiness?
Damn you Lee Hyukjae! You traitor! How could you?! You were my friend! And what the hell did I just said?!
Shockz! I sliced this tomato the wrong way! Damn Donghae, focus. You didn’t want to sabotage you’re your birthday party with a bad food. Oh yeah, unfortunately it was my birthday today, and it was Saturday. And you got that right; I was cooking the food for my birthday party. If you asked why; I feel like cooking during my birthday. Just to be different from other people and I didn’t cook often anyway. At the same time, I loved food and preparing them was fun. Contrary to common belief, I could actually make foods, it did not taste decent, it freaking tasted delicious. Lots of people were surprised of my special talent, which I didn’t get at all. Did I look like the type that could burn a kitchen with idiocy?
You get the story, I should be focusing with my cooking but instead that bastard Siwon was occupying my mind, again. I really despised him. I wonder if he would come later. I sent him a text messages and e-mail, all his three emails. He should come! He really should or I swear I was going to shave those thick eyebrows of him.
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Some of our relatives and close friends were in our house to celebrate my birthday with me. But as what I had expected, there was no trace of that bastard. Even my parents were asking about him. Did I mention how much they adore Siwon? Scary alien winning graces from my beloved parents. I just said that he was quite busy and he might come if god permits because I ain’t sure either if he will come.
But I hope he’ll come though. It quite felt sad without him.
Screw him if he would not come! I had spent birthdays in the past without him. And it’s my freaking birthday, I should be happy. All of my close friends were here, and there are many of them. And he was just one person. Why should I sulk? I shouldn’t be sulking. And I was so not looking at the door, I was so not checking if there would be a certain living tower suddenly stepping inside with a jerk face on. I was so not waiting for the bastard!
“Hae, are you waiting for someone? You keep on glancing at the door. Are there other guests you invited?” Hyukjae, the traitor, asked me, must be his monkey cells, being extra keen with his environment.
“Maybe there is…” I answered him, hope was in my voice. “But probably he isn’t gonna come anyway.” I said next, and I could tell Hyukjae must had been very confused with what I supplied him. I knew he wanted to ask more details but he just let it go.
“I’m gonna get some cake.” I said to Hyukjae, the traitor.
“Again?” Hyukjae, the traitor, said.
“I haven’t eaten the cake that you brought.” I told the traitor and walked out.
I went to the table and get a slice of Hyukjae’s, the traitor’s, chocolate cake. This was actually one hell of a birthday; I have liked four birthday cakes. One was bought by my parents of course, then there was one that was brought by my aunt, even my father’s colleague gave me a cake this year, and lastly, the traitor gave me another cake this year like what he had always been giving me every year in the three years of our friendship. And the best part, it was freaking the same chocolate cake. It was the same round simple chocolate cake that he was buying in the bakeshop near our school. Being the grateful, and voracious, birthday celebrator that I am, I know I should have a bite of each of these freaking cakes.
“Are you alright?” Yoona suddenly came and asked me.
“Yes… It’s my birthday, why shouldn’t I be okay?”
“I just thought… Never mind…” Yoona shrugged. There was silence again. “By the way! Here is my present for you!” Yoona immediately said maybe trying to break the silence. Okay, birthday presents! Hooray! I took the present from her hands.
“What’s this?” I asked cheekily.
“You can open it if you want.” Yoona said to me. I just raised an eyebrow.
I could see Yoona was very excited about this. It was written in her eyes, she might be so excited to see my reaction. Shouldn’t I be the more excited one since I was the receiver? In the end, I gave up and started untying the ribbon. I opened the box and it quite surprised me to see what it was.
“Calculator?...” I gave Yoona a questioning look. Why the hell did she just gave me a calculator? I was expecting a more fun present, not a simple calculator. And what the heck! It was pink! Maybe that was the reason why she was so excited.
“I thought you’ll need that… You are going to be an accountant right?” Yoona stated. So she did think about those stuffs.
“Thank you… But I still have my old calculator.” And it was not pink.
“It’s not like that. We are going to graduate someday. It’s just that I want something that will remind you that you have friend like me even if we are not together anymore. We will grow up Donghae, it is inevitable.” she said a little sad.
Yoona and I had a little talk about going to college. We had a general agreement that two of us should not hinder ourselves when it comes to fulfilling our dreams. So no ‘strictly the same school forever policy’. Yoona was planning to take horticulture and I was planning to take accountancy. With the kind of Yoona’s choice of course, she was set enroll in a country-based university, and I was going to stay in the city.
“You know, we will always be bestfriends no matter what…” I assured Yoona.
“I know that. But it won’t be the same. We won’t be in the same classes anymore nor the same school.” she said.
“Hey it’s not like you will not go home anymore. You will still be here during weekends when you are not busy. Or if you want, I’ll go in your school.”
“Yeah, I like that idea!”
“The graduation is quite far anyway. Let’s just enjoy the remaining times we had. And come ‘on, it’s my birthday. No time for goodbyes.” I said to her and she just smiled at me.
Enjoy the remaining time of my high school life. Yes, that should be what I’m supposed to be doing. Not being all emo because a certain bastard was still not showing appreciation of the good people, aka me, around him.
It’s nice to have good friends and loving family around. With their aid, I think I might had forgotten about Siwon for some time. Eventually, the gathering had ended and there was still no sign of Siwon. I knew I should not get depressed over that matter but I couldn’t help it but be. I really liked to see the bastard. I wanted him with me on my birthday.
Then I heard the doorbell. Siwon? That must be Siwon. I rushed to the door in an instant thinking it could possibly be Siwon. So much in my dismay though that when I opened the door it wasn’t Siwon that welcomed but a random unknown man.
“I have a package delivered for Lee Donghae.” the man said.
“I’m Lee Donghae.” I said.
“Oh great, here is your package.” the man said handing a one hell of a box.
And I tell you that the box wasn’t the lightest thing in the planet. The man just walked away after that and I was left dumbfounded in the door. Weird, weren’t delivery man had this things like signing? And it was already dark! I was not aware that people still do deliveries at this hour. After some time, I realized that there was no point in standing in the doorway so I decided to go inside our house, went directly to my room to open the package there.
I placed the box in my bed. With the lack of anything to do, I started to open it. When I opened the box, the first thing that I saw is an envelope. I opened the envelope to see a god damn card.
‘These are for all the birthdays that I missed.’
The package came from Siwon. He remembered my birthday. He had a package for me. He was not really dying was he? I mean, what’s with the package thingy?
As I scanned the package for the second time; I noticed that it was filled stuffs, or more like presents. I took the first present I could grab. There was a card attached on it written with ‘Happy 4th birthday’. I looked at the other presents and the greetings are the same only of different number pertaining to different ages.
Siwon did this? He gave me presents. I couldn’t help but be feel an excessive amount of joy. Siwon, as much as he was icy cold lately, he still cared for me, doesn’t he? Even if he was not here, the fact that I knew that he had still not forgotten me was causing me feel all rainbows and butterflies and honeys inside.
I opened the first present with the card written with ‘Happy 1st birthday’. And I was surely on fire when I opened it. Siwon gave me a rubber duckie. It’s yellow and it is irritably cute. I squeezed the duckie and it produced this awful sound. I just let it go and started opening my 2nd present. I am more pleased to see what it was. It’s a small blue pillow. I loved pillows and soft stuffs.
I realized that Siwon really had a creative way of giving me these presents. He actually gave me presents that match my age at those times which I could still use today. Like he chose to give me a Nemo plushy for my third birthday (this immediately became my favorite); a crayon for my fourth birthday; I think he was kinda making fun of me as I opened my present for my fifth birthday which were Nemo stickers; a toy water gun for my 6th, he got me three action figures of aliens respectively for my 7th to 9th birthday, very creative. It was in my 10th birthday that he became a little serious starting with a freaking gospel book. Then a sketchpad for my 11th birthday, a blanket for my 12th, guess what, a Nemo printed blanket. Love it! He decided to give me a soccer ball for my 13th birthday, a baseball cup on my 14th , white headphones for my 15th (I wish he gave me a new player instead), a bracelet on my 16th (wow it’s white gold, it looked expensive), and lastly, a paint brush for my 17th birthday. I smiled at the last present.
Wait, seventeen presents? As far as I remember I’m already 18. So he decided to give me a present for my birthdays and leave out my present birthday. Truly a bastard!
I looked at my clock and it is already 08:48 pm. Then my phone rang and it just so happened that I received a freaking text message. It came from the bastard.
‘Look outside’
I shifted my gaze to the window. Hesitation was running in my veins. You’re only going to peek Donghae, it’s not like you are going to die. Yeah, it’s not like I’ll be killed. After this small deliberation in my head, I actually walked to the window and peeked. I saw Siwon in front of our gate waiting.
He came! The bastard came! And he was staring right through me. And even from afar I could still feel those eyes piercing through my soul.
to be continued…Author’s Note: Question? Meany Siwon or Sweet Siwon? How about something just in between? Haha!
I love you fabulous people!