I want to join the eagle and soar above my petty worries into the brilliant blue
The past couple of weeks have been hectic, but I didnt find them really fit to write about. They seem so boring, monotonus and ruteine.It wasnt worth reading, none the less living. I've been very off recently, like Im falling into a deep dark abyss that I have no way of returning. I thought that I had fought my way out of this darkness before, and freed myself from it and yet here I am again, falling fast.
First of all, I am now typing on my own laptop. My own as in I bought it, opened a credit card and am now financially able to do things I couldt a week ago. Ive started a new Job at Barnes and Noble, in the Starbucks cafe. Finally. It was a small nice victory, Ive wanted to work there for so long.
School has started and is in full swing. Is it odd that its only been two weeks and it feels like its been over a month? I wonder why that is. What makes it feel like time has changed and is no longer what is percieved?
Classes are, interesting to say the least. I've never had a class that actually makes me hate writing. Creative writing class is an utter joke. Not only are the students worthless and in need of not highschool english but ELEMENTARY english but the teacher herself has this static noise thing that she does. Saying Uh and Um to fill in space every third to fifth word. I dont know how long Im going to be able to handle it. Directing, Spanish, Speech and Tennis are all enjoyable. I am the president (or co if dee still wants to be as well) of the drama club, and I also have been cast in the musical. I've met the new theatre students, there is quite a lot of new talent which Im pleased about. I also met someone new, he's funny smart and just generally fun to be around. It was odd when It turned out that I knew him indirectly through a previous employer, and that in turn I knew most of his immidiate family and some of his extended. However, he likes and is seeing a friend of mine now, so I'm giving up and moving on. Im so tired of being the chaser, when will it be my turn to be the chasee?
My girl C-marrah called me and we talked about a lot of differet things. One of the things that she told me made me realise that I had know this already. She told me that I was intimidating. At first I was like me? Intimidating? Im bearly 5'4'' and hardly intimidating... but she explained that she meant personality wise. That I intimidate guys with my passionate nature, smarts and drive. How is that? I thought guys liked strong women? well if they dont Im not going to change myself. Brian put me through too much hell and high water to ever want to go back to being the damsel in distress. I will never me insaine enough to endure that pain again. If thats what I need to do to get a man then I will be single for the rest of my life.
Speaking of guys. Im forgiving Matt, I dont care what you guys say, its horrible for me to be carrying around the anger and hurt that I do. Im not forgetting and Im not letting him in. My bounderies are set and my walls are firmly locked into place. I just enjoy being around people who can make me laugh, and he can do it. Just not when he brings up some
wonderful girl or another (this week its maria)
I want to just let go some times, to distance and detach myself. Im tired of all the emotion, all the weight. Wouldnt it be wonderful to be able to make descisions based on knowledge instead of emotion and gut feelings? Would the world be a better place? I wish that I had the ability to do that. To just let go of all the things that I hold dear, friendships, relationships. Things that cause me heartache and sorrow, but I know that I cant. It goes against who i am. I blame it on the fact that Im a scorpio...
First of all, I am now typing on my own laptop. My own as in I bought it, opened a credit card and am now financially able to do things I couldt a week ago. Ive started a new Job at Barnes and Noble, in the Starbucks cafe. Finally. It was a small nice victory, Ive wanted to work there for so long.
School has started and is in full swing. Is it odd that its only been two weeks and it feels like its been over a month? I wonder why that is. What makes it feel like time has changed and is no longer what is percieved?
Classes are, interesting to say the least. I've never had a class that actually makes me hate writing. Creative writing class is an utter joke. Not only are the students worthless and in need of not highschool english but ELEMENTARY english but the teacher herself has this static noise thing that she does. Saying Uh and Um to fill in space every third to fifth word. I dont know how long Im going to be able to handle it. Directing, Spanish, Speech and Tennis are all enjoyable. I am the president (or co if dee still wants to be as well) of the drama club, and I also have been cast in the musical. I've met the new theatre students, there is quite a lot of new talent which Im pleased about. I also met someone new, he's funny smart and just generally fun to be around. It was odd when It turned out that I knew him indirectly through a previous employer, and that in turn I knew most of his immidiate family and some of his extended. However, he likes and is seeing a friend of mine now, so I'm giving up and moving on. Im so tired of being the chaser, when will it be my turn to be the chasee?
My girl C-marrah called me and we talked about a lot of differet things. One of the things that she told me made me realise that I had know this already. She told me that I was intimidating. At first I was like me? Intimidating? Im bearly 5'4'' and hardly intimidating... but she explained that she meant personality wise. That I intimidate guys with my passionate nature, smarts and drive. How is that? I thought guys liked strong women? well if they dont Im not going to change myself. Brian put me through too much hell and high water to ever want to go back to being the damsel in distress. I will never me insaine enough to endure that pain again. If thats what I need to do to get a man then I will be single for the rest of my life.
Speaking of guys. Im forgiving Matt, I dont care what you guys say, its horrible for me to be carrying around the anger and hurt that I do. Im not forgetting and Im not letting him in. My bounderies are set and my walls are firmly locked into place. I just enjoy being around people who can make me laugh, and he can do it. Just not when he brings up some
wonderful girl or another (this week its maria)
I want to just let go some times, to distance and detach myself. Im tired of all the emotion, all the weight. Wouldnt it be wonderful to be able to make descisions based on knowledge instead of emotion and gut feelings? Would the world be a better place? I wish that I had the ability to do that. To just let go of all the things that I hold dear, friendships, relationships. Things that cause me heartache and sorrow, but I know that I cant. It goes against who i am. I blame it on the fact that Im a scorpio...