Somethings you learn as you grow older...
When I was young... I used to want to live forever. I wanted to see how mankind would grow and change in time. Live centuries and watch it with fascination.
I have lost that fascination. I have been jaded by life. I no longer care to be digusted with what I keep seeing. I don't want to live forever. It has already been 30 years, and I feel like I have seen enough. The next 50 will be more than enough for me. By the time I go down... I am sure I will be very ready to go! Sometimes I almost feel like I am ready now, but that is just when I feel depressed and moody.
Yet I have been listening to a couple of new songs... and I swear with a new ear...
There’s no time for us
There’s no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
From us
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever....?
There’s no chance for us
It’s all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Who dares to love forever?
When love must die
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today
Who waits forever anyway?
Then I think about how I change to suit my environment. Trying hard to be the person that people like. I have sorta given up on that too. I went out to meet with friends on Saint Patties day, and I was... well... antisocial. I didn't want to deal with it all. Part of it had to do with some feelings I am struggling with. Part of it had to do that all those folks are so new to me I don't know any of them, and without any comfort in the knowing of these people... it is hard to socialize around them. I do the best I can, but not quite enough... and then I heard another song by the same group... that sorta puts in into perspective... In how I feel...
Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On - with the show -
I’ll top the bill, I’ll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...
These two songs kinda go hand in hand. There are many many times when I ask myself why I want to live forever... why I want to go on. What am I living for? What the hell am I doing? What is the point? (Don't give me the higher power crap... I am not here for his/her sake)
At times like these I contemplate killing myself, but I find that I don't want to die. Regardless that I may feel like a waste of space... I like being alive. Which is sort of a bitter irony as I go through all this only to end up dead whether I like it or not.
So I don't have the will to live... and I don't have the will to die. Stuck in the middle... surviving. What makes a person happy? Fuck if I know. But I can tell you loads about what makes them sad...
So I dunno what I want. I don't know where to go. Don't know what to do. Don't want to die. So I just survive.
Crazy.
Just plain crazy.
Yet does it matter? Like it or not... the show must go on. I have to see this thru to the bitter end. Why? I don't know. But this is what I have to do. Maybe I am seeking for what will really make me happy. So when I find it... do I get to die then being done with my mission in life? (or many lifetimes?) Maybe I get to enjoy it for a short while first.
Don't you hate how there is no certainty at all in life? I find it terribly annoying. I would like a few things in my life to be known. Something I can count on all the time.
But I often find I can't count on people. I can't count on places. People move, I move... things change. I can't count on systems. They are often not working or flawed. I can't count on work... a place I loved on day becomes a place I hate another. I can't count on love... grows one day... dies the next. I can't count on friendships... I have seen to many come and go.
So much... chaos... change... uncertainty... confusion... uncaring... cruel... consuming...
evil... this world is just evil.
I used to have rose colored glasses where I saw so much hope and oppurtunity and happiness in this world. Those have been scraped from my face, and ripped away viciously. Scarring my minds eye to the reality of it all. I used to want to see the good side and how mankind will change for centuries to come. Now I don't want to see tomorrows horrors.
Is there a future? Yes. But it is not bright. It is frightening... and tiring. It leaves me wanting to turn in and go to sleep... and I will... but I have to survive first till what I am doing here is done... whatever that really is.
I no longer want to live forever. Yet while I am here (and not a moment longer), then the show must go on...
x Jeremy M. - Yes... depressed... sucktastic... deal...
I have lost that fascination. I have been jaded by life. I no longer care to be digusted with what I keep seeing. I don't want to live forever. It has already been 30 years, and I feel like I have seen enough. The next 50 will be more than enough for me. By the time I go down... I am sure I will be very ready to go! Sometimes I almost feel like I am ready now, but that is just when I feel depressed and moody.
Yet I have been listening to a couple of new songs... and I swear with a new ear...
There’s no time for us
There’s no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
From us
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever....?
There’s no chance for us
It’s all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Who dares to love forever?
When love must die
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today
Who waits forever anyway?
Then I think about how I change to suit my environment. Trying hard to be the person that people like. I have sorta given up on that too. I went out to meet with friends on Saint Patties day, and I was... well... antisocial. I didn't want to deal with it all. Part of it had to do with some feelings I am struggling with. Part of it had to do that all those folks are so new to me I don't know any of them, and without any comfort in the knowing of these people... it is hard to socialize around them. I do the best I can, but not quite enough... and then I heard another song by the same group... that sorta puts in into perspective... In how I feel...
Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On - with the show -
I’ll top the bill, I’ll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...
These two songs kinda go hand in hand. There are many many times when I ask myself why I want to live forever... why I want to go on. What am I living for? What the hell am I doing? What is the point? (Don't give me the higher power crap... I am not here for his/her sake)
At times like these I contemplate killing myself, but I find that I don't want to die. Regardless that I may feel like a waste of space... I like being alive. Which is sort of a bitter irony as I go through all this only to end up dead whether I like it or not.
So I don't have the will to live... and I don't have the will to die. Stuck in the middle... surviving. What makes a person happy? Fuck if I know. But I can tell you loads about what makes them sad...
So I dunno what I want. I don't know where to go. Don't know what to do. Don't want to die. So I just survive.
Crazy.
Just plain crazy.
Yet does it matter? Like it or not... the show must go on. I have to see this thru to the bitter end. Why? I don't know. But this is what I have to do. Maybe I am seeking for what will really make me happy. So when I find it... do I get to die then being done with my mission in life? (or many lifetimes?) Maybe I get to enjoy it for a short while first.
Don't you hate how there is no certainty at all in life? I find it terribly annoying. I would like a few things in my life to be known. Something I can count on all the time.
But I often find I can't count on people. I can't count on places. People move, I move... things change. I can't count on systems. They are often not working or flawed. I can't count on work... a place I loved on day becomes a place I hate another. I can't count on love... grows one day... dies the next. I can't count on friendships... I have seen to many come and go.
So much... chaos... change... uncertainty... confusion... uncaring... cruel... consuming...
evil... this world is just evil.
I used to have rose colored glasses where I saw so much hope and oppurtunity and happiness in this world. Those have been scraped from my face, and ripped away viciously. Scarring my minds eye to the reality of it all. I used to want to see the good side and how mankind will change for centuries to come. Now I don't want to see tomorrows horrors.
Is there a future? Yes. But it is not bright. It is frightening... and tiring. It leaves me wanting to turn in and go to sleep... and I will... but I have to survive first till what I am doing here is done... whatever that really is.
I no longer want to live forever. Yet while I am here (and not a moment longer), then the show must go on...
x Jeremy M. - Yes... depressed... sucktastic... deal...