My pity for you... those about to be exposed to my ramble...
My brain... is a mess. Very much so. My emotions... a toxic waste dump. Yet that still sounds better...
Ugh. Lets start with the facts...
This last weekend was... interesting. Spent most of last week planning to go to a convention that I decided to go to on a whim. Alot of people asked me *WHY* I was going. Cause it was random. Something to do. I am interested in furry stuff, and art. Figured there would be a chance to meet new people perhaps. Yet mostly I went because Crow was going. Went cause I wanted to hang out with her more than anything. I really like her, and I like spending time with her. Like how she occassionally goes out of her way to bug me. Feel like someone else cares about me besides the one or two friends that occassionally bug me to make sure I am alive. We get along pretty well, and then yet again sometimes we don't seem to get along at all. Very intersting friendship, and also very unusual. We seem to have some similiar leanings when it comes to our spiritual view of the world. We have similiar interests in technology and other odds and ends. We both like Furry stuff, and Anime. She is an admirable artist, and I can at least do more than a stick figure. There is quite a bit in common. Oddly we rarely ever talk about any of that stuff. I am not sure why either, but it doesn't seem to come up. We meander in discussion about various things. This is good and we can keep it flowing... till it stops. Then it is not an uncomfortable silence, but one that is difficult to break. Sorta like a thoughtful repose. Yet we know how much I am apt to be silent. If anyone is familiar... I feel like Oz from the early seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I digress... Uhm... lets see... Yeah... the Con... FURRther CONfusion. Nifty con. Like most other cons I have been to. Mostly boring events with a few points of interest. I drove up on Friday, and that took all day. 14 hour drive. Good company, but still horribly long trip. I drove a good portion of it up. Was a zombie by the end of it. Ugh. Went to do a few Con things before going to sleep at the hotel room. Thought there maybe be 4 people in the hotel room... me, Crow, Aaron, and Felisha (Is that right?). Yet plans like that seem to change on the fly... ended up being just me and Amy. (Back! Back you naughty thoughts from people! Nothing happened in that room save sleep... Thou I did have a naughty dream involving persons I was rooming with... <.< ... >.> ... I won't explain)
So then there was Saturday. Interesting day, eh. (feeling canadian a sec there) So I decided to give Sally a call as I figured it may be a rare chance to meet up with her, and she lived in the area. So called and she came by to have lunch with me at Denny's. I dunno how that girl gets me to tell all about alot of stuff about me. She got me talking about stuff I am not even sure she wanted to hear, but she did anyways. *sigh* I really appreciate her listening to me go on about some of my life stuff. I don't think a lunch was a sufficient way to repay her, and so I feel like I owe her one. We talked about me coming up to visit again, and she can give me a tour of San Francisco and stuff. Like a week long vacation and stuff. I think that would be rather cool! Not sure when I could afford to do something like that though. I was thinking aloud that it would be groovy to do something like that on my birthday. Yet after the state of my cash flow after the Con trip... I think it will be more like summer time or something. I dunno... I will figure it out. After lunch I walked to the Con (it was that close to the motel we were at... nice), and try to take in some stuff. I saw the art gallery, and I think that was the best thing I saw. I also went and bought some furry cat ears. Actually a couple, and hodge-podged them together to make something that looks better. Helped me to fit into the Con better, and it was just plain ole fun. I spent alot of time hanging out with Crow while she was drawing some stuff. Other people came and went. Asked for sketches from her and stuff. I was sitting back mostly just chilling out, and sorta chatting with her off and on. Really didn't do much of anything. Yet I did that for many hours...
Then sunday rolled around... We hung out at the Con for a little while longer after waking up late... and then at noon we left. We were in for the drive from hell. The short? We left at noon (AZ time), and didn't get to AZ till 6am. Yes... and 18 hour trip. Why you may ask? Some LA city person thought it would be cute to turn a four lane freeway (I-5) into a one lane just outside of LA with some but little warning. At which point of warning there was no way to turn around or get out of it except to sit thru it. Sit thru it we did... creeping along for about 4-5 hours. Anguish, hate, and dispair all rolled together. We tried to keep each other going, but it was fairly late by the time we got that far. It was much much later by the time we got out of it... ugh. I got to sleep thru the last leg of the trip. Had to call in sick to work cause I got home about the time I would be leaving for work. A 10 hour shift... after doing a 18 hour drive from california... and all this without sleep? NO! They let me have the day off, and I amk very very glad. I slept a long time. Funny but I have been feeling estranged from work for all the time I have been gone.
So that was the trip and all. I think any other trips like that may be better planned... and we will not be driving it... ever... again.
Other news. Jury Duty is over. Actually the Foreman booted me from the final week cause they were tired of me being late to show up. I can't help it if I hate showing up and that it slows me down to get thru traffic. I was allowed off early thou, and I don't mind. Yay for me!
This may mean I will have a more normal life now... <.< ... >.> ... What the hell is normal about my life?!?!? Ah well...
I picked my kids up on wednesday, and we had dinner at my home with Matt and Jasmine. Went pretty well. I droppede the kids off, and got to read them a bed time story. Ah good ole doctor suess. It felt pretty good to do that. I love my daughters, and it still sucks that life has to be this way for them. The kicker? As I was leaving I chatted some with Laura. She was kinda telling me that it must be nice not to have to deal with the chaos of my kids and house life and all that.
I went very very silent, and looked down for a moment. Some pain passed thru me. I answered... "Perhaps". I then excused myself and went home. Thinking the whole time... hmmm choice: A life filled with random chaos yet spent with someone I care about, or a quiet life alone. Chaos (balancing hand motion) Quiet... Being in love (balancing hand motion again) or alone... Hell... it may just be me, but I will gladly take on all the chaos in the world in order not to be alone... to have someone I care about in my life that loves me back.
Oh by the way dear... thanks for the unintentional stab wound in my heart again... feels lovely. If not for the kids I would never have to see you again, and I think that would be ok... *sighs*
Annnyways...
Things going on in my life. I have been seeing alot of Crow... Amy... and for that I am grateful. It gets me out of the house, and she is a great person to spend time with. Yet being with her sometimes leaves me with questions in my mind. Questions I am not prepared to ask, and somehow I get the feeling they are questions she wouldn't be prepared to answer. In all honesty, I think I may be over thinking the issue. *quiet for a moment as I thoughtfully ponder* In due time, I guess... *shrugs*
I also seem to have been meeting alot of new people this month. Amy to start with, and then Steph, and then Sally. Wow... kinda alot of new people all at once, but this isn't a bad thing at all. Makes me kinda wonder where life is taking me. I often feel alot not in control with where it is going. Yet I have always been a "go with the flow" kinda person. Will figure it out in time.
Things to look forward to: I think I am having a dinner with Steph tonight. Yet another random occurance. I wanna also call Crow sometime this evening. We haven't really spoken with each other since we got back from Con at all. A bit unusual as we had been pretty regularly in contact prior to it. Friday is time with the family and all. Saturday I go back to work as usual, but this time I actually work all the way thru till tuesday. Will have my wednesday to friday off, but no interruption by jury duty on thursday! I will have all of thursday off all the time now! Yay! COH addiction away!!!!! (I am hopeless...)
Been pondering maybe playing my PS2 some more. Sorta wanna play Parasite Eve again. Maybe finish off the Final Fantasy 10 game I am nearly done with. (why do I get near the end and stop? I am freaking weird...) To be honest there is at least half a dozen games I haven't even started.
Also trying to get Crow hooked on City of Heroes. Also gives me a cheap and easy reason to have her come by my place... so she can play the game ;). I feel like a drug dealer or something... Hey babe... got some cheap COH here! :P
Anything left? Oh yeah... my feelings are all mixed up. Yet not everyone knows why, and I am to chicken shit to ask people how they feel about me. I guess that can be on my to do list. That and the usual preparation for disappointment. (yeah yeah... I'm such a pessimist) This too will sort itself out. I think I know how it will go, and this will just lend me another brick to my wall. What does that mean? I guess maybe that I will find myself a flavor of peace of mind... even if a bit bitter. Yet some bitter foods are the best. I imagine there is a reason for it as well. I will see...
ugh... enough! enough of my rambling!!! Pretty soon I will blow my cover as a rogue alien spy in preface to a world domination! (oops...)
yeah,... uh.... bye! :P :)
x Jeremy M. - Very alien...
Ugh. Lets start with the facts...
This last weekend was... interesting. Spent most of last week planning to go to a convention that I decided to go to on a whim. Alot of people asked me *WHY* I was going. Cause it was random. Something to do. I am interested in furry stuff, and art. Figured there would be a chance to meet new people perhaps. Yet mostly I went because Crow was going. Went cause I wanted to hang out with her more than anything. I really like her, and I like spending time with her. Like how she occassionally goes out of her way to bug me. Feel like someone else cares about me besides the one or two friends that occassionally bug me to make sure I am alive. We get along pretty well, and then yet again sometimes we don't seem to get along at all. Very intersting friendship, and also very unusual. We seem to have some similiar leanings when it comes to our spiritual view of the world. We have similiar interests in technology and other odds and ends. We both like Furry stuff, and Anime. She is an admirable artist, and I can at least do more than a stick figure. There is quite a bit in common. Oddly we rarely ever talk about any of that stuff. I am not sure why either, but it doesn't seem to come up. We meander in discussion about various things. This is good and we can keep it flowing... till it stops. Then it is not an uncomfortable silence, but one that is difficult to break. Sorta like a thoughtful repose. Yet we know how much I am apt to be silent. If anyone is familiar... I feel like Oz from the early seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I digress... Uhm... lets see... Yeah... the Con... FURRther CONfusion. Nifty con. Like most other cons I have been to. Mostly boring events with a few points of interest. I drove up on Friday, and that took all day. 14 hour drive. Good company, but still horribly long trip. I drove a good portion of it up. Was a zombie by the end of it. Ugh. Went to do a few Con things before going to sleep at the hotel room. Thought there maybe be 4 people in the hotel room... me, Crow, Aaron, and Felisha (Is that right?). Yet plans like that seem to change on the fly... ended up being just me and Amy. (Back! Back you naughty thoughts from people! Nothing happened in that room save sleep... Thou I did have a naughty dream involving persons I was rooming with... <.< ... >.> ... I won't explain)
So then there was Saturday. Interesting day, eh. (feeling canadian a sec there) So I decided to give Sally a call as I figured it may be a rare chance to meet up with her, and she lived in the area. So called and she came by to have lunch with me at Denny's. I dunno how that girl gets me to tell all about alot of stuff about me. She got me talking about stuff I am not even sure she wanted to hear, but she did anyways. *sigh* I really appreciate her listening to me go on about some of my life stuff. I don't think a lunch was a sufficient way to repay her, and so I feel like I owe her one. We talked about me coming up to visit again, and she can give me a tour of San Francisco and stuff. Like a week long vacation and stuff. I think that would be rather cool! Not sure when I could afford to do something like that though. I was thinking aloud that it would be groovy to do something like that on my birthday. Yet after the state of my cash flow after the Con trip... I think it will be more like summer time or something. I dunno... I will figure it out. After lunch I walked to the Con (it was that close to the motel we were at... nice), and try to take in some stuff. I saw the art gallery, and I think that was the best thing I saw. I also went and bought some furry cat ears. Actually a couple, and hodge-podged them together to make something that looks better. Helped me to fit into the Con better, and it was just plain ole fun. I spent alot of time hanging out with Crow while she was drawing some stuff. Other people came and went. Asked for sketches from her and stuff. I was sitting back mostly just chilling out, and sorta chatting with her off and on. Really didn't do much of anything. Yet I did that for many hours...
Then sunday rolled around... We hung out at the Con for a little while longer after waking up late... and then at noon we left. We were in for the drive from hell. The short? We left at noon (AZ time), and didn't get to AZ till 6am. Yes... and 18 hour trip. Why you may ask? Some LA city person thought it would be cute to turn a four lane freeway (I-5) into a one lane just outside of LA with some but little warning. At which point of warning there was no way to turn around or get out of it except to sit thru it. Sit thru it we did... creeping along for about 4-5 hours. Anguish, hate, and dispair all rolled together. We tried to keep each other going, but it was fairly late by the time we got that far. It was much much later by the time we got out of it... ugh. I got to sleep thru the last leg of the trip. Had to call in sick to work cause I got home about the time I would be leaving for work. A 10 hour shift... after doing a 18 hour drive from california... and all this without sleep? NO! They let me have the day off, and I amk very very glad. I slept a long time. Funny but I have been feeling estranged from work for all the time I have been gone.
So that was the trip and all. I think any other trips like that may be better planned... and we will not be driving it... ever... again.
Other news. Jury Duty is over. Actually the Foreman booted me from the final week cause they were tired of me being late to show up. I can't help it if I hate showing up and that it slows me down to get thru traffic. I was allowed off early thou, and I don't mind. Yay for me!
This may mean I will have a more normal life now... <.< ... >.> ... What the hell is normal about my life?!?!? Ah well...
I picked my kids up on wednesday, and we had dinner at my home with Matt and Jasmine. Went pretty well. I droppede the kids off, and got to read them a bed time story. Ah good ole doctor suess. It felt pretty good to do that. I love my daughters, and it still sucks that life has to be this way for them. The kicker? As I was leaving I chatted some with Laura. She was kinda telling me that it must be nice not to have to deal with the chaos of my kids and house life and all that.
I went very very silent, and looked down for a moment. Some pain passed thru me. I answered... "Perhaps". I then excused myself and went home. Thinking the whole time... hmmm choice: A life filled with random chaos yet spent with someone I care about, or a quiet life alone. Chaos (balancing hand motion) Quiet... Being in love (balancing hand motion again) or alone... Hell... it may just be me, but I will gladly take on all the chaos in the world in order not to be alone... to have someone I care about in my life that loves me back.
Oh by the way dear... thanks for the unintentional stab wound in my heart again... feels lovely. If not for the kids I would never have to see you again, and I think that would be ok... *sighs*
Annnyways...
Things going on in my life. I have been seeing alot of Crow... Amy... and for that I am grateful. It gets me out of the house, and she is a great person to spend time with. Yet being with her sometimes leaves me with questions in my mind. Questions I am not prepared to ask, and somehow I get the feeling they are questions she wouldn't be prepared to answer. In all honesty, I think I may be over thinking the issue. *quiet for a moment as I thoughtfully ponder* In due time, I guess... *shrugs*
I also seem to have been meeting alot of new people this month. Amy to start with, and then Steph, and then Sally. Wow... kinda alot of new people all at once, but this isn't a bad thing at all. Makes me kinda wonder where life is taking me. I often feel alot not in control with where it is going. Yet I have always been a "go with the flow" kinda person. Will figure it out in time.
Things to look forward to: I think I am having a dinner with Steph tonight. Yet another random occurance. I wanna also call Crow sometime this evening. We haven't really spoken with each other since we got back from Con at all. A bit unusual as we had been pretty regularly in contact prior to it. Friday is time with the family and all. Saturday I go back to work as usual, but this time I actually work all the way thru till tuesday. Will have my wednesday to friday off, but no interruption by jury duty on thursday! I will have all of thursday off all the time now! Yay! COH addiction away!!!!! (I am hopeless...)
Been pondering maybe playing my PS2 some more. Sorta wanna play Parasite Eve again. Maybe finish off the Final Fantasy 10 game I am nearly done with. (why do I get near the end and stop? I am freaking weird...) To be honest there is at least half a dozen games I haven't even started.
Also trying to get Crow hooked on City of Heroes. Also gives me a cheap and easy reason to have her come by my place... so she can play the game ;). I feel like a drug dealer or something... Hey babe... got some cheap COH here! :P
Anything left? Oh yeah... my feelings are all mixed up. Yet not everyone knows why, and I am to chicken shit to ask people how they feel about me. I guess that can be on my to do list. That and the usual preparation for disappointment. (yeah yeah... I'm such a pessimist) This too will sort itself out. I think I know how it will go, and this will just lend me another brick to my wall. What does that mean? I guess maybe that I will find myself a flavor of peace of mind... even if a bit bitter. Yet some bitter foods are the best. I imagine there is a reason for it as well. I will see...
ugh... enough! enough of my rambling!!! Pretty soon I will blow my cover as a rogue alien spy in preface to a world domination! (oops...)
yeah,... uh.... bye! :P :)
x Jeremy M. - Very alien...