11-9-06: Keeping my head above water
Man, I fucked up my 2nd midterms. 0/2 in both classes. The most frustrating thing is that I make the same mistakes every time in terms of preparation. For whatever reasons I just can't get my head on straight consistently. I lose respect for myself when I can't follow my own advice or when I don't practice what I preach.
People have started to drop out of Informatics which I expected. I'm still doing okay sorta but I'm falling a little bit behind and I need to get back on track.
Everything else except school has been going pretty good.
This past weekend was good. I got a good amount of studying done during the weekend, and then drank on friday and saturday night. Both times it was just with a few people, but I like that just as much as having a lot of people.
Had our Lost party and then watched Borat on wednesday. There were definitely some things I had never seen before in my life during that movie. But it was very good, I recommend it, it's lol funny.
We pulled our first all-nighter last night with all the roomies plus brent. I don't even know why we did it, but at 3 AM we were making corned beef hash and ended up staying up til 6 shootin the shit. Good Times.
Today me brent and derek purchased a hookah and we've been smokin in the living room and watching TV. Some more people are coming over so I guess it should be fun tonight.
I've come to the realization that the reason I lack discipline and will-power is because I'm pretty dependent on others or a group. It works in several different ways...I don't like to be left out when everyone else is doing something and I also like to study in groups rather than by myself. This is also a good thing; I believe I'm very much a team player, I never do anything or make any decisions without considering how it will affect my friends or family and if there's something I can do that I think will benefit everyone, then I will do it. But this also makes me impulsive in a negative way in the sense that I justify my poor decisions with the excuse that everyone else is doing it. My friends have noticed that I say "ooohkay..." in this tone that sounds like I'm giving in to something. And it's an accurate observation because whenever I say that I'm essentially choosing to do something else instead of whatever I should really be doing. I've noticed this before almost subconsciously based on the Bret Hart quote that's on my facebook. The part that really hits home for me is when he said "if you want to rise to the top is to give yourself up to loneliness..." Anything I want to accomplish can be stripped down to "giving myself up to loneliness," but that is probably the hardest thing there is for me to do.
People have started to drop out of Informatics which I expected. I'm still doing okay sorta but I'm falling a little bit behind and I need to get back on track.
Everything else except school has been going pretty good.
This past weekend was good. I got a good amount of studying done during the weekend, and then drank on friday and saturday night. Both times it was just with a few people, but I like that just as much as having a lot of people.
Had our Lost party and then watched Borat on wednesday. There were definitely some things I had never seen before in my life during that movie. But it was very good, I recommend it, it's lol funny.
We pulled our first all-nighter last night with all the roomies plus brent. I don't even know why we did it, but at 3 AM we were making corned beef hash and ended up staying up til 6 shootin the shit. Good Times.
Today me brent and derek purchased a hookah and we've been smokin in the living room and watching TV. Some more people are coming over so I guess it should be fun tonight.
I've come to the realization that the reason I lack discipline and will-power is because I'm pretty dependent on others or a group. It works in several different ways...I don't like to be left out when everyone else is doing something and I also like to study in groups rather than by myself. This is also a good thing; I believe I'm very much a team player, I never do anything or make any decisions without considering how it will affect my friends or family and if there's something I can do that I think will benefit everyone, then I will do it. But this also makes me impulsive in a negative way in the sense that I justify my poor decisions with the excuse that everyone else is doing it. My friends have noticed that I say "ooohkay..." in this tone that sounds like I'm giving in to something. And it's an accurate observation because whenever I say that I'm essentially choosing to do something else instead of whatever I should really be doing. I've noticed this before almost subconsciously based on the Bret Hart quote that's on my facebook. The part that really hits home for me is when he said "if you want to rise to the top is to give yourself up to loneliness..." Anything I want to accomplish can be stripped down to "giving myself up to loneliness," but that is probably the hardest thing there is for me to do.