[ KALEIDOSCOPE (1/5) / doujinshi / PG13 / thematics ]

[acquiesceme]

So, in celebration of the finishing of "Half a Millenium" (dreamsofdestiny's quintessential Japan/China behemoth of a fanfiction), I managed to get into the mood to start on the fancomic that I owe Dreamz since... November, I think.  So here are the first four pages, I have no idea how long this thing will stretch out, I might die trying to finish

Comments

A half-assed critique

[exotification]

...It's almost twelve on a vacation day and I'm up attempting to critique your thing. Uh, yeah. That's the intro for my really really crappy critical analysis of your picture/s-come-comic.

First, good job with the positioning and making it not too apparent as to where the individual images begin and end, because it really makes it so that the reader isn't distracted by those sort of things. The choice of wording and beginning moment is really good as well.

However, you definitely need to work on anatomy and finger positioning. Although Yao doesn't look completely feminine, you make his chest seem like a piece of cardboard with two slits (maybe three?) in it, which is too flat for any person, male or female. And then the shoulders were all disproportionately high, but maybe that's just anime? And the final issue I have is with the crack. Not only does the background change from light-to-dark, but the actual crack widens so that the audience is able to see the light--I don't quite get the symbolism, if there is any, but should the crack really be from dark to light?

Otherwise: great job!
(no, I do not fail at the positive sort of encouragement, contrary to popular belief)

Re: A half-assed response

[acquiesceme]

Yes, yes, you are very bad at softening the blow.

Re: A half-assed response

[exotification]

But you don't mind, now do you?
*friendly punch*

Re: A half-assed response

[acquiesceme]

*kick*

Re: A half-assed response

[exotification]

*dodge*

Re: A half-assed response

[acquiesceme]

*punches! XDDD*

Re: A half-assed response

[exotification]

JKJKJK.

...sorta.

Re: A half-assed critique

[acquiesceme]

But aside from that, the crack is supposed to be from Kiku's viewpoint, so yes, it should be a dark to light transitioning, because in Kiku's eyes, Yao is technically "improving"--becoming "beautiful" by "breaking" (or at least, that's how I found the whole thing to be in the fanfiction...).

And yes, I'm well-aware of my proportional... disabilities, for a lack of the word right now. Um, and the postures and physiques as well too! Thank you for shoving it in my face--I'll do my best to improve in the next installment~ >

Re: A half-assed critique

[exotification]

Can't wait to see that then.

Re: A half-assed critique

[dreamsofdest1ny]

Me too, me too~!

Re: A half-assed critique

[acquiesceme]

*MOAR PRESSURE*

-dying, dying, dead-
X-X

Re: A half-assed critique of the critique

[dreamsofdest1ny]

WHY SO LAME AND CRUEL, SAM?

jaykay~

Re: A half-assed critique of the critique

[acquiesceme]

hear, hear! XD