(no subject)
I suppose I'm going through another one of those phases where I'm disenchanted with the whole blogging thing. Or maybe I have fallen victim to the trend of summarizing my life in a few lines and posting it as my status on Facebook. Although I don't change my status a whole lot. And I still have that feeling that my life isn't interesting enough to post about it.
Do I sound whiny? Well, if I do I don't mean to. I guess I just have a lot to think about. I'll be going back to Japan in February. This time it's for a job. I'll be there for at least two years. So it's more waiting that Robert says he's more than willing to do for me. But I feel like I'm being too greedy in the relationship. Or maybe not honest, I don't know. When we got engaged before I left the first time it was for the most part a joke saying he wanted to get engaged to make sure I came back. So I came back. But did I really?
Maybe some of the stress was because he had been unemployed for almost four months. But now he has a job again starting on Wednesday. A good job. With some good prospects. I'm sure he's glad about it. I'm happy for him.
So now what? Is it fear of success? Fear of happiness? Will I come back from Japan or am I not ready to settle down? Should I come back to Robert just because he's willing to wait for me? Is it me? Is it him? Is it us?
I'd go on but I'm just now a fan of blogging. I may post again every now and then but I never know what to say. When life is good I don't want to talk about it so it doesn't sound like I'm bragging. When things aren't so great I don't want to talk about it so I don't sound like I'm a whiny baby. I'm happy right now. I really am. I just have some things on my mind that have me wondering about the future. Que serra, I suppose.
Do I sound whiny? Well, if I do I don't mean to. I guess I just have a lot to think about. I'll be going back to Japan in February. This time it's for a job. I'll be there for at least two years. So it's more waiting that Robert says he's more than willing to do for me. But I feel like I'm being too greedy in the relationship. Or maybe not honest, I don't know. When we got engaged before I left the first time it was for the most part a joke saying he wanted to get engaged to make sure I came back. So I came back. But did I really?
Maybe some of the stress was because he had been unemployed for almost four months. But now he has a job again starting on Wednesday. A good job. With some good prospects. I'm sure he's glad about it. I'm happy for him.
So now what? Is it fear of success? Fear of happiness? Will I come back from Japan or am I not ready to settle down? Should I come back to Robert just because he's willing to wait for me? Is it me? Is it him? Is it us?
I'd go on but I'm just now a fan of blogging. I may post again every now and then but I never know what to say. When life is good I don't want to talk about it so it doesn't sound like I'm bragging. When things aren't so great I don't want to talk about it so I don't sound like I'm a whiny baby. I'm happy right now. I really am. I just have some things on my mind that have me wondering about the future. Que serra, I suppose.