meandering thoughts
More and more I wonder about all the elements of my life and not so much how they are coming together but how they are flowing.
I'm beginning to accept the fact life will never give me that moment of solidification. That moment where everything is still. So I go with the flow rather than go looking for solid ground. Don't get me wrong, I keep a certain amount of control. "Go with the flow" doesn't mean I'm not trying to go in a certain direction.
But I wonder about where I am now and were I am really going. What do I really want? I have a career goal. I'm making efforts to achieve it over time (because I know things like this will take time) But can I have everything I am aiming for? Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? Or is it that my eyes are bigger than my stomach? Am I over-analyzing certain things? Am I really looking closely enough before making a decision?
I'm not talking about my decision to go to Korea. I know I want to do that because that is part of my achieving my career goal. I'm talking about my personal life. Are my career aspirations interfering with it? Is my personality interfering with my current personal life?
"Trouble at home?" some of you may be wondering now. The trouble is within, affecting the world around me. And the world around me is causing this look inward. I need to talk but I want to keep my secrets.
This all sounds so ridiculous as I look at it now in writing. Is the emotion there? Is it enough? When will we get though this? I know what you mean and I know that you mean it but....
Am I happy? Will I be?
I'm beginning to accept the fact life will never give me that moment of solidification. That moment where everything is still. So I go with the flow rather than go looking for solid ground. Don't get me wrong, I keep a certain amount of control. "Go with the flow" doesn't mean I'm not trying to go in a certain direction.
But I wonder about where I am now and were I am really going. What do I really want? I have a career goal. I'm making efforts to achieve it over time (because I know things like this will take time) But can I have everything I am aiming for? Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too? Or is it that my eyes are bigger than my stomach? Am I over-analyzing certain things? Am I really looking closely enough before making a decision?
I'm not talking about my decision to go to Korea. I know I want to do that because that is part of my achieving my career goal. I'm talking about my personal life. Are my career aspirations interfering with it? Is my personality interfering with my current personal life?
"Trouble at home?" some of you may be wondering now. The trouble is within, affecting the world around me. And the world around me is causing this look inward. I need to talk but I want to keep my secrets.
This all sounds so ridiculous as I look at it now in writing. Is the emotion there? Is it enough? When will we get though this? I know what you mean and I know that you mean it but....
Am I happy? Will I be?