No, It Isn't Better
OPEN: JANUS FILE #0168
Someone once wrote that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Personally, I think that is a crock. Those who have never loved at all may realize that they are missing something, but they don't really know what that is. (In other words, ignorance really is bliss.) For those who have loved and lost, though, they are more than aware of what they are missing -- and it can be the emptiest of all possible voids.
I was at Kroger today, and that realization hit me with all the subtlety of an anvil dropping on Wile E. Coyote. I was looking at the table of Valentine's Day merchandise that was still remaining. Among the (heavily) discounted items were a selection of stuffed bees. They were holding hearts with printed messages like "Bee Mine," or "Honey," or other messages similar to what you find on those candy hearts.
I managed to make it through the entire Valentine's season without any problem. But for some reason, just seeing those bees (which I know I must have seen dozens of times during the past few weeks) hit me, and hit me hard. I just wanted to be able to have someone that would have wanted to receive one of those bees from me. Someone who would have thought it silly, but loved it just the same. And maybe even more, I wished that there was someone out there who would have wanted to give me one of those bees.
It's one thing to realize that there is no one out there for you. It's one thing to accept the reality. But it still hurts when you get slapped in the face with the cold hard reality.
CLOSE: JANUS FILE #0168
OPEN: JANUS FILE #0168A
ADDENDUM
After I got home, I began thinking that I should have bought one of those bees for myself. For some reason, I decided that getting one for myself, and the illusion that someone gave it to me, would be better than nothing. And I remembered how lonely and unwanted they looked on the table -- more like me than I care to admit. But as they say, he who hesitates is lost. I waited too long, and by the next time I went to that Kroger, they were gone. I hope that at least some of them went to a good home.
CLOSE: JANUS FILE #0168A
Someone once wrote that it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Personally, I think that is a crock. Those who have never loved at all may realize that they are missing something, but they don't really know what that is. (In other words, ignorance really is bliss.) For those who have loved and lost, though, they are more than aware of what they are missing -- and it can be the emptiest of all possible voids.
I was at Kroger today, and that realization hit me with all the subtlety of an anvil dropping on Wile E. Coyote. I was looking at the table of Valentine's Day merchandise that was still remaining. Among the (heavily) discounted items were a selection of stuffed bees. They were holding hearts with printed messages like "Bee Mine," or "Honey," or other messages similar to what you find on those candy hearts.
I managed to make it through the entire Valentine's season without any problem. But for some reason, just seeing those bees (which I know I must have seen dozens of times during the past few weeks) hit me, and hit me hard. I just wanted to be able to have someone that would have wanted to receive one of those bees from me. Someone who would have thought it silly, but loved it just the same. And maybe even more, I wished that there was someone out there who would have wanted to give me one of those bees.
It's one thing to realize that there is no one out there for you. It's one thing to accept the reality. But it still hurts when you get slapped in the face with the cold hard reality.
CLOSE: JANUS FILE #0168
OPEN: JANUS FILE #0168A
ADDENDUM
After I got home, I began thinking that I should have bought one of those bees for myself. For some reason, I decided that getting one for myself, and the illusion that someone gave it to me, would be better than nothing. And I remembered how lonely and unwanted they looked on the table -- more like me than I care to admit. But as they say, he who hesitates is lost. I waited too long, and by the next time I went to that Kroger, they were gone. I hope that at least some of them went to a good home.
CLOSE: JANUS FILE #0168A