fic: mirrorball, 21 jump street, schmidt/jenko, threesome, 2/?
“So I told my mom we would housesit for her on the twenty-second,” Jenko says.
“Your mom lets you housesit?”
Schmidt looks Jenko up and down. He doesn’t believe it.
“The United States of America lets me carry a gun,” Jenko rebuts.
“Fair point,” Schmidt admits.
“She always leaves money for pizza.”
“Beer,” they chorus.
That isn’t a giggle. Schmidt admits nothing.
“Wait,” Schmidt says. “Does your mom think we’re a we?”
“No,” Jenko says. “She’s just glad I have a friend who won’t accidentally try to burn the place down this time.”
“Huh,” Schmidt says. “My mom doesn’t hate you, I guess.”
“She says only one of us can bring our gun, though. She knows how I get.”
“Hey, how do you accidentally try to burn a house down?” Schmidt asks.
“Well once you accidentally start a little fire you have to cover your tracks,” Jenko explains.
“Huh,” Schmidt says. “That makes sense.”
*
Schmidt had thought Jenko and his irritatingly awesome, crime-fighting uber-babe were getting on pretty well, but apparently ‘undercover’ doesn’t negate the ‘around’ part of ‘fucking around’.
“Sucks,” Schmidt says.
“Yeah,” Jenko says.
And, after a minute, “Should we call Mandy?”
*
“The feminists think you’re a fuckface,” Jenko tells Schmidt.
“What feminists?”
“The chicks from my feminist theory class?”
“Oh, you’re taking that?” Schmidt asks. “I thought that was a joke.”
“This is why the feminists think you’re a douchenozzle,” Jenko says.
“Do they know you call them The Feminists?” Schmidt asks, squinting at him dubiously.
“Why would they have to know?” Jenko asks. “They are feminists. It’s not an insult.”
“…No,” Schmidt says.
He keeps squinting.
“So, hey, is Ryan Gosling the only one who says ‘hey, girl,’ all the time?” Jenko asks. “Or is that one of those weird new things now?”
*
“Your mom lets you housesit?”
Schmidt looks Jenko up and down. He doesn’t believe it.
“The United States of America lets me carry a gun,” Jenko rebuts.
“Fair point,” Schmidt admits.
“She always leaves money for pizza.”
“Beer,” they chorus.
That isn’t a giggle. Schmidt admits nothing.
“Wait,” Schmidt says. “Does your mom think we’re a we?”
“No,” Jenko says. “She’s just glad I have a friend who won’t accidentally try to burn the place down this time.”
“Huh,” Schmidt says. “My mom doesn’t hate you, I guess.”
“She says only one of us can bring our gun, though. She knows how I get.”
“Hey, how do you accidentally try to burn a house down?” Schmidt asks.
“Well once you accidentally start a little fire you have to cover your tracks,” Jenko explains.
“Huh,” Schmidt says. “That makes sense.”
*
Schmidt had thought Jenko and his irritatingly awesome, crime-fighting uber-babe were getting on pretty well, but apparently ‘undercover’ doesn’t negate the ‘around’ part of ‘fucking around’.
“Sucks,” Schmidt says.
“Yeah,” Jenko says.
And, after a minute, “Should we call Mandy?”
*
“The feminists think you’re a fuckface,” Jenko tells Schmidt.
“What feminists?”
“The chicks from my feminist theory class?”
“Oh, you’re taking that?” Schmidt asks. “I thought that was a joke.”
“This is why the feminists think you’re a douchenozzle,” Jenko says.
“Do they know you call them The Feminists?” Schmidt asks, squinting at him dubiously.
“Why would they have to know?” Jenko asks. “They are feminists. It’s not an insult.”
“…No,” Schmidt says.
He keeps squinting.
“So, hey, is Ryan Gosling the only one who says ‘hey, girl,’ all the time?” Jenko asks. “Or is that one of those weird new things now?”
*