life...loss...and me to learn
well, what to say, what to say...
i've been doing pretty decent lately. been a crazy last month or so. i haven't posted on here for a long time. a big reason i think, is because it reminds me of lindsay. it was one of the few last things i had to connect me through one of the most loved people in my life. it was my one way of making sure she was still doing ok. and shes gone.
i'm gonna be honest, it's probably the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with in my entire life as a human being. no exaggerations involved. i've never felt this way. it's sad of course, but i realized its a life experience and something that i need to learn from. and i'm doing that. but most days i still cannot believe she's gone. i mean of course there's good days, and bad days. mostly good. but the reality of her passing still leaves this shocking feeling in my body.
i went to say hello last week on the 5th of July. i miss her so much, everyday, more than a million hearts tied together could ever know. but i can't bring her back to life. nobody can. i'm not sad that i knew her, i cherished every second and more that i spent with her. good or bad. i still do. more than anything i miss her and want to say i'm sorry. she was one of the most beautiful, infectious, glamorous, independent people i'd ever met. i could go on for hours about her. i will never be the same since the moment i met her, and since the moment she died. realize, i see that as a good thing.
but i know theres no point to making myself feel bad. i'm not doing that, i'm not looking for pity. this is a solo battle. i have to fight alone. but i think human nature makes you feel regret when someone dies, it also should make you realize that that's life and shit happens. and you don't have any control over most of what goes on. only yourself, so you try to be the best you can be and live day by day.
peoples lives go through periods of sadness, change, ups, downs, styles, attitudes, prefrences, etc. you get the idea. lindsay taught me most of these things to the extent of how she lived her life and how much she affected people with once glance of her eyes. it's because she lived through the bad, and realized the good. at least 5-100 times a day i see something that reminds me of her, or something she was interested in, or a song i know she'd love. and it makes me sad and it makes me cry. but i believe i'm doing really well, just going through the process of life...loss.. and me with more to learn.
----------
..dearlindsay..
i miss you baby, and one day i'll see you again and i'll be the happiest man in the afterlife. well, play nintendo and listen to beautiful music together. i look forward to that. and thank you for being that person i'll never forget.
love
adam
i've been doing pretty decent lately. been a crazy last month or so. i haven't posted on here for a long time. a big reason i think, is because it reminds me of lindsay. it was one of the few last things i had to connect me through one of the most loved people in my life. it was my one way of making sure she was still doing ok. and shes gone.
i'm gonna be honest, it's probably the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with in my entire life as a human being. no exaggerations involved. i've never felt this way. it's sad of course, but i realized its a life experience and something that i need to learn from. and i'm doing that. but most days i still cannot believe she's gone. i mean of course there's good days, and bad days. mostly good. but the reality of her passing still leaves this shocking feeling in my body.
i went to say hello last week on the 5th of July. i miss her so much, everyday, more than a million hearts tied together could ever know. but i can't bring her back to life. nobody can. i'm not sad that i knew her, i cherished every second and more that i spent with her. good or bad. i still do. more than anything i miss her and want to say i'm sorry. she was one of the most beautiful, infectious, glamorous, independent people i'd ever met. i could go on for hours about her. i will never be the same since the moment i met her, and since the moment she died. realize, i see that as a good thing.
but i know theres no point to making myself feel bad. i'm not doing that, i'm not looking for pity. this is a solo battle. i have to fight alone. but i think human nature makes you feel regret when someone dies, it also should make you realize that that's life and shit happens. and you don't have any control over most of what goes on. only yourself, so you try to be the best you can be and live day by day.
peoples lives go through periods of sadness, change, ups, downs, styles, attitudes, prefrences, etc. you get the idea. lindsay taught me most of these things to the extent of how she lived her life and how much she affected people with once glance of her eyes. it's because she lived through the bad, and realized the good. at least 5-100 times a day i see something that reminds me of her, or something she was interested in, or a song i know she'd love. and it makes me sad and it makes me cry. but i believe i'm doing really well, just going through the process of life...loss.. and me with more to learn.
----------
..dearlindsay..
i miss you baby, and one day i'll see you again and i'll be the happiest man in the afterlife. well, play nintendo and listen to beautiful music together. i look forward to that. and thank you for being that person i'll never forget.
love
adam