(no subject)
hmmmm.
tragedy seems to be all around us. in our lives, on our televisions, in the songs we listen to. i wonder though, if this tragedy we inseek drastically changes our lives. on the outside, or on the inside. does this tragedy help us learn, or scare us to the thought of pretending it doesn't happen.
i wonder if emotion for others is a waste of time. if it is, why does it feel so good, or right, to take care of someone, count on someone? why would someone reject positive feelings? maybe they aren't positive, maybe they are for one, but not for the other. i want a challenge. a real challenge. not this sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day pretending to work shit. with nothing but my thoughts and the internet. and my mind is so much more entertaining. i don't know if that's good or bad.
i don't know. i hope this feeling of being lost ends soon. i need to find something. something else. someone else. no more counting on the uncountable. no more desiring the undesirable. but is that so wrong to want to try? i don't think so, just no high hopes, i guess. i feel i've pushed these stupid thoughts of mine past limits and expect too much from myself, and others.
does my thought process endanger my future relationships. am i expecting too much? i know i'm thinking too much. but all i have are my thoughts in this silent office all day. i need a new fucking job. i hate this job. no creative outlet, except this journal.
i'm learning to count on just myself. i've always known how to do so. i've been alone and on my own since i was 17. i know how to do it, i know it's important. but that doesn't mean i want to do it anymore. we go through our lives looking for something, pushing aside all the obstacles to get that perfect thing. i'm sure i'm thinking waaaaay too much about this, but that's me. that's everyone. i don't care who you are.
i'm a thinker, more than a doer. i need to accomplish something. something great. something creative. i need to feel like someone needs something from me. i need to focus my concentration somewhere else. but all my creative doings are based around my thoughts, my lonliness, my past and ongoing rejections. i'm not trying to be sappy or emotional here, i'm just being honest and personal. i promise. i don't want pity.
i need, and want, all these things. i've just lost my guidance. i need help.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that, i love my life....but plenty is missing.
tragedy seems to be all around us. in our lives, on our televisions, in the songs we listen to. i wonder though, if this tragedy we inseek drastically changes our lives. on the outside, or on the inside. does this tragedy help us learn, or scare us to the thought of pretending it doesn't happen.
i wonder if emotion for others is a waste of time. if it is, why does it feel so good, or right, to take care of someone, count on someone? why would someone reject positive feelings? maybe they aren't positive, maybe they are for one, but not for the other. i want a challenge. a real challenge. not this sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day pretending to work shit. with nothing but my thoughts and the internet. and my mind is so much more entertaining. i don't know if that's good or bad.
i don't know. i hope this feeling of being lost ends soon. i need to find something. something else. someone else. no more counting on the uncountable. no more desiring the undesirable. but is that so wrong to want to try? i don't think so, just no high hopes, i guess. i feel i've pushed these stupid thoughts of mine past limits and expect too much from myself, and others.
does my thought process endanger my future relationships. am i expecting too much? i know i'm thinking too much. but all i have are my thoughts in this silent office all day. i need a new fucking job. i hate this job. no creative outlet, except this journal.
i'm learning to count on just myself. i've always known how to do so. i've been alone and on my own since i was 17. i know how to do it, i know it's important. but that doesn't mean i want to do it anymore. we go through our lives looking for something, pushing aside all the obstacles to get that perfect thing. i'm sure i'm thinking waaaaay too much about this, but that's me. that's everyone. i don't care who you are.
i'm a thinker, more than a doer. i need to accomplish something. something great. something creative. i need to feel like someone needs something from me. i need to focus my concentration somewhere else. but all my creative doings are based around my thoughts, my lonliness, my past and ongoing rejections. i'm not trying to be sappy or emotional here, i'm just being honest and personal. i promise. i don't want pity.
i need, and want, all these things. i've just lost my guidance. i need help.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that, i love my life....but plenty is missing.