(no subject)
My sweet Juanita passed away this past Thursday morning. The pain of losing her has been horrific and I have this incredible "hole" in my heart. I feel so damn sad these days.
She has had a difficult time getting around for about the past year due to her arthritis. She had also gone blind - but managed that fairly well by following sound and memorized paths. She was on medication for her arthritis, so she did not appear to be in any pain from that issue.
Then on Wednesday night, she had fallen over (because her back legs were weak from the arthritis) and I encouraged her to get up - I did that often so that she wouldn't just rely on us picking her back up... but when I looked at her, I noticed that she seemed weaker than normal and she had a very distant look on her face. I immediately picked her up and that's when I knew. I just knew. I cuddled her in a towel and sat down in the rocker... she didn't lick me. She ALWAYS licked me whenever her face was close enough.... but this time she didn't. I held her close and sang her song to her... and I knew. She was not really responding to anything. That's when I discovered that she could no longer hear anything.... and I knew. Jim and Michael thought that maybe she'd had a stroke but I knew. So I held her, rocked her, petted her, talked to her and sang her song to her because I knew. I felt like I was going to puke and/or have a stroke because I knew. I had to go to work the next day so at 11 p.m. I put her down on her bedding, kissed her goodnight, and asked Michael to keep an eye on her while he was still awake. When I went to bed, I told Jim that I was so afraid to check on her in the morning.. because I knew.
As soon as my alarm clock went off at 0430, I jumped out of bed and went to the living room. Michael met me at the bedroom door and while shaking his head, he said the words I dreaded to hear.... "I'm so sorry, mom". I thought I was going to faint. A ton of bricks had just landed on my chest. I then went into the living room and saw my beloved Juanita on the love seat wrapped in a towel. She was gone.
Michael had taken her after I went to bed and laid her on his chest while he slept on the love seat. He said that at 0200, she was still alive and when my alarm woke him up too - she had passed away.
My best 4 legged friend, my baby, my princess, my kumkwat, my angel was gone. My Skeeter-bug would not be barking at me when I got home . She wouldn't be snapping at anyone or another pet that got near us when she was in my lap. She wouldn't be curled up behind my knees every night. She wouldn't be there to love me unconditionally or to pout and "punish" me when I'd be gone for over a day. She wouldn't be there listening to my crying, ranting, or joy. She wouldn't be there to listen to me sing to her.
My Juanita is gone.
Michael buried her in the back yard next to Lady - Jim's old dog that he had put to sleep a couple of years ago. I couldn't watch her being buried. My son is yet again my hero.
She has had a difficult time getting around for about the past year due to her arthritis. She had also gone blind - but managed that fairly well by following sound and memorized paths. She was on medication for her arthritis, so she did not appear to be in any pain from that issue.
Then on Wednesday night, she had fallen over (because her back legs were weak from the arthritis) and I encouraged her to get up - I did that often so that she wouldn't just rely on us picking her back up... but when I looked at her, I noticed that she seemed weaker than normal and she had a very distant look on her face. I immediately picked her up and that's when I knew. I just knew. I cuddled her in a towel and sat down in the rocker... she didn't lick me. She ALWAYS licked me whenever her face was close enough.... but this time she didn't. I held her close and sang her song to her... and I knew. She was not really responding to anything. That's when I discovered that she could no longer hear anything.... and I knew. Jim and Michael thought that maybe she'd had a stroke but I knew. So I held her, rocked her, petted her, talked to her and sang her song to her because I knew. I felt like I was going to puke and/or have a stroke because I knew. I had to go to work the next day so at 11 p.m. I put her down on her bedding, kissed her goodnight, and asked Michael to keep an eye on her while he was still awake. When I went to bed, I told Jim that I was so afraid to check on her in the morning.. because I knew.
As soon as my alarm clock went off at 0430, I jumped out of bed and went to the living room. Michael met me at the bedroom door and while shaking his head, he said the words I dreaded to hear.... "I'm so sorry, mom". I thought I was going to faint. A ton of bricks had just landed on my chest. I then went into the living room and saw my beloved Juanita on the love seat wrapped in a towel. She was gone.
Michael had taken her after I went to bed and laid her on his chest while he slept on the love seat. He said that at 0200, she was still alive and when my alarm woke him up too - she had passed away.
My best 4 legged friend, my baby, my princess, my kumkwat, my angel was gone. My Skeeter-bug would not be barking at me when I got home . She wouldn't be snapping at anyone or another pet that got near us when she was in my lap. She wouldn't be curled up behind my knees every night. She wouldn't be there to love me unconditionally or to pout and "punish" me when I'd be gone for over a day. She wouldn't be there listening to my crying, ranting, or joy. She wouldn't be there to listen to me sing to her.
My Juanita is gone.
Michael buried her in the back yard next to Lady - Jim's old dog that he had put to sleep a couple of years ago. I couldn't watch her being buried. My son is yet again my hero.