hmph

Jun 12, 2008 13:22


I tend to take my time and wait until the very last minute to make decisions. In some cases, thats the smart thing to do, but sometimes its more so in your best interrest to stop dwelling on could be's and what if's and take a chance. I've decided that this summer I'm moving back to florida. Not because someone wants me too, or because i need to because of this or that...because i want too. I often base my decisions on the people around me, and try to work to make them happy and in their best interrest and lately I've been so caught up in doing that, that i've forgot how to do things in my own best interrest and ive been the one hurt and barely dragging on. I just got out a 6 month relationship that was extremely tiring, and really has completely drained me emotionally along with the other things currently happening in my life. Im mainly to blame myself for this though, i decided to jump into this in the beginning without being ready for a relationships and with unsolved doubts. And im sure that you  can agree that if you have doubts about something before you do it, you should either find a solution to get rid of your doubts, or simply...not do it.. But of course, i didnt do either one, and ended up dealing with my doubt, along with other dramatic situations that tagged along. I've decided to go the single route for now. I'm trying my best to not give the male sex a negative image in my mind, but its extremely hard growing up with a father who left me, a stepfather who wasnt much better, and numerous failed relationships. I've learned that if your going to accomplish something, you will never get the sole satisfaction unless you do it on your own. Im a very stubborn, independent person, and i have to find someone who can 1. tolerate that....and 2. respect it. I dont want help, I dont need anyone to take me under their wing. I have dreams and ambitions that i will fufill myself, and i dont mind someone standing beside me supporting me, i dont even mind sharing my dreams and ambitions..but i wont let them be given to me without striving for them...and i wont let them be taken away.

I'll finish on that note.
Sorry for ranting.
I know i need to blog much more often.

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