(no subject)
I don't really know if it's ever going to get better. I can't help but worry. The only time I'm really happy is when I'm with him. It helps me get my mind off of everything. I'm just so sick of the fact that I have to have all this money in order to not go to jail or die. I mean what the fuck it's not supposed to be this hard to find a job. Isn't it supposed to be "America-the land of opportunities?" well it's not. It's one thing after the other and I don't know if it'll ever just be ok to.... BE. I want to get an education but then I have to suffer b/c of one.I was thinking about staging my own death. Then moving to a different country and changing my name. I don't think that will work at all but I know I don't want to worry anymore. The only thing I get upset about these days is the fact that I have no money. I know I've filled out probably 20 or more application but for some reason no one wants to hire me and it's really starting to get me. $200 for this and $300 for that are you kidding me?!?! how are people just supposed to COME UP with money like this??? My parents don't and won't support me anymore. So that's out of the question. I just want to be with him in some far away country that's pretty much what I'm waiting/hoping for at this point. Anything but here and now. Now is nice when it's with him but when I'm not I just worry too much.