The Merits of Mead
Title: The Merits of Mead
Author: janna_hawkins
Summary: "You're more drunk than me, you drunk idiot!"
Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Fishlegs
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to HTTYD except the first seven books, and a bunch of action figures
Rating: PG for some innuendos(thanks, Snotlout)
Author Notes: Okay, I was giggling all the way through writing this one. Drunk!Vikings are fun to write...especially Lout and Tuff! I think I got the inspiration for their drunken attitudes from all the M*A*S*H I've been watching lately. It's a good thing to watch if you need help writing drunk people! And of course drunk!Captain Jack Sparrow can definitely be of assistance too ;P
~..~
"I tell you, I will never understand girls."
Tuffnut nodded seriously and took another swig of his mug. "My thoughts exactly. They make no sense at all...and I've lived with one since birth!"
"That's different," Snotlout retorted. "Your crazy sister doesn't count. Now Astrid...she's a girl."
"Well duh. She's got..." Tuffnut motioned to his chest.
"Of course she does! That's what I'm talking about."
"Whatever. You still apparently don't have a chance with her anymore."
"Yeah." Snotlout glared drunkenly across the hall to where the blonde Viking sat with Hiccup. "She's got to be crazier than Ruff if she goes for a scrawny fishbone like him."
"He did save us all from that big dragon monster, y'know."
"Yeah yeah but that doesn't hardly make up for...all that."
"Are you kidding? My sister's dating the nerd! That's way worse than Astrid dating Hiccup."
"Maybe to you, but it just confirms what I've always known: your sister is insane."
"Dude, that's my crazy sister you're talking about!"
Snotlout took another swig from his mug and grinned. "Well she is!"
"Say that to my fist, you drunk idiot!" Tuffnut growled, jumping across the table and sending both of them onto the floor.
"You're more drunk than me, you drunk idiot!"
"Don't you call me an idiot! Take that!"
"Hey, knock it off you two!"
"He called you crazy, sis!"
Ruffnut folded her arms and glared down at the two teens. "Yeah, and? I've been called crazier things by guys more stupid than him...like you for example."
Tuffnut removed his elbow from Snotlout's stomach and clambered unsteadily to his feet. "What'd you just say?"
"You heard me, dummy. Now how about you take this outside before I throw you out there."
"Ha I'd like to see you try."
"Alright then. Astrid, a little help here?"
"Sure. You take him and I'll take this idiot."
Snotlout grinned up at Astrid. "Promises promises. Don't worry, I'll come willingly!"
"Hey, shut up, Snotlout! That's my girlfriend you're talking to."
"Don't worry, Hiccup, I'll handle this," Astrid said cheerfully.
"Oh, I should hope so!" Snotlout said with a wink.
"On the other hand, have at him!"
"Oh, really, Astrid. And what is the useless fishbone gonna do to me? OW!"
"Just that," Hiccup replied, stepping back and rubbing his hand gingerly. "Not so useless now, am I?
Snotlout got to his feet shakily and glared at the shorter teen before shrugging and starting for the door...only to fall face down halfway and lie there snoring loudly.
The other teens then turned to Tuffnut. He raised his hands in surrender and backed away a few steps before tripping over a bench and ending up sprawled on the floor.
Ruffnut rolled her eyes and stomped over to her moaning brother, slinging his arm over her shoulders and dragging him outside followed closely by a grinning Fishlegs.
"Well that was...easy," Hiccup said with a pained smile, still rubbing his hand.
Astrid smiled and nudged him gently with her elbow. "That's for trying to break your hand."
"Yeah well-mmm"
The blonde Viking pulled away and gently brushed some hair out of her dazed boyfriend's face. "And that was for everything else."
Hiccup gave her a dopey smile and looked down at his hand. "Hey what do you know...it doesn't hurt anymore."
"Of course, you silly idiot. Now let's get out of here, huh?"
"Yeah sure whatever you say, Astrid. Coming, Toothless?"
The Night Fury looked up from his bowl of mead and nodded eagerly, knocking over tables and benches during his drunken race to the door.
"Oh yeah, he'll be fun in the morning," Hiccup muttered as he watched his dragon tumble down the hill outside.