Spike
Title: Spike
Author: janna_hawkins
Beta: danaems
Summary: Many things come through the Rift. Some are good, many are bad and some are just plain weird.
Characters: Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Owen Harper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Torchwood except my vortex manipulator and my anti-Weevil spray
Author Notes: My first real crack!fic. No idea where this came from. It just came to me at around 1am last night(or...this morning?). Big thanks to Danae for the super quick beta! The title came partially from the name of James Marster's character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer(Awesome show! Thanks for introducing me, Willow!!!)
~..~
"Jack," Gwen called, coming through the Hub's large door with Toshiko. "We found what caused the Rift spike!"
The leader of Torchwood Three came out of his office and stood looking down at them. "Well? What was it?"
Gwen silently held up a pair of men's underpants.
Jack clambered down the stairs and took the item from Gwen. "Well well, this has never happened before."
"Look inside the waistband."
He did so and paled.
The two women grinned.
Ianto came over from the coffee machine and took the pants from a stunned Jack. "Property of Captain John Hart. I heart heart heart Captain Jackypoo." He looked up with a grin. "Captain Jackypoo?"
Jack shook himself and snatched the underwear away before stalking back towards his office, trying to ignore the laughter coming from behind him.
"Oh, Jack," Toshiko called before he reached the stairs.
He turned to glare at her. "What?"
"Those weren't the only thing we found."
Just then Owen stumbled through the door with a box overflowing with pants and knickers of every sort. "Oi, Captain Jackypoo! I think these belong to you!"
Jack blanched and ran from the room.
Once the rest of the team had stopped laughing Gwen took a receipt from her pocket and handed it to Ianto. "Here you go,
Ianto, one receipt for fifty pairs of men's and women's knickers."
The teaboy frowned. "So, this was all just a hoax?"
"Not entirely," Tosh replied, catching her breath. "The first pair did in fact come through the Rift."
"You mean..."
"Yes, Ianto, they were in fact Captain John's."
Ianto waited two seconds before grimacing and purposely walking towards the sink.