(no subject)
I don't remember what anyone wore that day. I don't remember if it was raining or sunny. I remember the faces of my friends that came through the line - but I can't remember my cousins. My Mother's services were a whirl. I didn't remember if I cried - although I am sure that I did.
Then - at my cousin's services I watched my Uncle and Aunt - shudder and moan - and there it was... that thing I couldn't remember - yet I recognized it - grief. A world of things that should have been said - yet never were, moments when you didn't make that person your priority stabbing you in the heart, and the moment that to let this person live even for a few minutes more - to say those things to comfort your siblings you would trade places with them in a heart beat. You would give your beating heart for their now still one.
I had to bite my tongue when a cousin was talking about how he does not believe in God - or the Devil. I respect his right to an opinion. There was a time when I would have considered myself an agnostic. However - the passing of my Mother - the most spiritual person I knew - and the following, seemingly random coincidences in numbers too high to be random or coincidences told me - there is something. Maybe calling IT God - makes people happy,Gaia or Brahma - but there is something. I don't think the something swoops in and takes people - but I believe the people taken - go somewhere and are a part of something else. The why and the where - are things that no matter how long or hard we look we just have to be patient enough for those answers. Everyone gets the answer eventually.
Then - at my cousin's services I watched my Uncle and Aunt - shudder and moan - and there it was... that thing I couldn't remember - yet I recognized it - grief. A world of things that should have been said - yet never were, moments when you didn't make that person your priority stabbing you in the heart, and the moment that to let this person live even for a few minutes more - to say those things to comfort your siblings you would trade places with them in a heart beat. You would give your beating heart for their now still one.
I had to bite my tongue when a cousin was talking about how he does not believe in God - or the Devil. I respect his right to an opinion. There was a time when I would have considered myself an agnostic. However - the passing of my Mother - the most spiritual person I knew - and the following, seemingly random coincidences in numbers too high to be random or coincidences told me - there is something. Maybe calling IT God - makes people happy,Gaia or Brahma - but there is something. I don't think the something swoops in and takes people - but I believe the people taken - go somewhere and are a part of something else. The why and the where - are things that no matter how long or hard we look we just have to be patient enough for those answers. Everyone gets the answer eventually.