ah! fuck it!
**this entry has been added to TWICE!
i'm very angry today.
and i'm a little bit scared in this house...i heard something loud in marc's room, i think. as if someone's there. but i'm afraid to see. then i went upstairs to my room and i think i heard more noise. ugh.
i have to poop! but i'm scared. and i want to take a shower. UGH.
and i am going to attempt to: one, find the fuses in my car. two, change a fuse in my car.
i need to get comfortable shoes for clinical. and that's tomorrow. my old clinical shoes just don't cut it. i can't decide if i should run around looking for all white sneakers or if i should just drive down to the uniform store to get those nursing shoes i liked.
if i can't change the fuse myself, i'm going to have to go the same way as the uniform store.
but even if i can change the fuse myself...i'm going to have to find some car part place.
this is annoying.
also i need to pass by michael's and exchange something.
all of this stuff is a drive down the same road. however, i hate driving right now because my brake lights aren't working. and right now...the roads are usually full.
also i don't really want to be out in public right now. i'm going to feel stupid at the car shop. i don't really feel like shopping for shoes or scrubs. and michael's sometimes gives me a headache.
yeah, fuck you, go ahead and call the wambulance.
P.S. i put myself on the vital savings DENTAL program from the school insurance....however, today they send me a vital savings card for the PHARMACY. FUCK. and when i called the number they said to call on the insurance company website...i started talking to the SCHOOL TELEPHONE OPERATOR FOR like 10 seconds before i realized i wasn't talking to the insurance office. THEN the insurance office has a long ass machine message.
i don't even know if this "vital savings" program is going to be worth it but i need to see a dentist because i think my tooth is going to rot out of my mouth.
I CANNOT DEAL WITH ALL THIS CRAP RIGHT NOW. I NEED TO STUDY.
you know, the only thing that was nice about today was someone saw me sitting by myself and called me over to their table even though there was no more room (tiny table for two...plus me is three) and before i thought i got along ohkay with the one that called me over and sort of not really ohkay with the girl she's always with but i think we're all ohkay. though it still feels superficial. i have no friends here. she invited me for dinner though...a rachel ray themed dinner. that gives me shivers...the bad kind. i told them i would only go if girl #2 brought her lab/chow mix. i only get a long with dogs nowadays (which explains ryan, i guess).
by the way, i was pretty happy about how well studying went last night but not so happy about the exam. and then i forgot the simple formula for complicated drips AND my calculator so i don't even know if i got those questions right when those were the questions i initially thought i'd easily get right. another SURE THING turned into SHIT.
shoot me.
EDIT: I FOUND THE FUSE PANEL. but...fuses all seem ohkay. big sigh...i guess i'll have to go. i'm really not even sure if my lights are out or not. i haven't been able to see for myself...i wish someone was around to help me disassemble my car. i don't think i have the heart to try to figure out how to pull out my lamps. at least it's not cold outside.
ANOTHER ADDITION: i refuse to make another entry for today so i will just keep editing and adding new stuff to this one. no new comfortable shoes (GREAT, i'm going to be SO HAPPY tomorrow) and no exchange at michael's. i did, however, get my brake lights fixed- 3 of them blew out. i was stressed out because at first i thought it was going to be 80 bucks but it turned out to be 40. then i got lost and extremely angry and if i hadn't just put 40 bucks into my car i would have just thrown myself and my car into a tree. i haven't even eaten all day. i can't say this was the shittiest day but it certainly is up there. and i imagine days are just going to keep on being like this for awhile.
extra credit for my management class was a list of things that keep you motivated.
some things on my list were past accomplishments/reaching short term goals, upcoming vacation time, sunshine, patients who keep on fighting and being positive and even those that feel like they can't so basically most of my patients, fear of failure and embarassment (how sad), music, puppies (i didn't really put that on the list to hand in), reassurance, family, deadlines, and overcoming obstacles.
i read all of the entries that i placed in my "memories" section and i feel like someone else wrote those entries. haven't yet decided if that's good or bad. too bad none of you can read it since they've all been moved to "private" status.
so what's going to cheer me up?
i'm very angry today.
and i'm a little bit scared in this house...i heard something loud in marc's room, i think. as if someone's there. but i'm afraid to see. then i went upstairs to my room and i think i heard more noise. ugh.
i have to poop! but i'm scared. and i want to take a shower. UGH.
and i am going to attempt to: one, find the fuses in my car. two, change a fuse in my car.
i need to get comfortable shoes for clinical. and that's tomorrow. my old clinical shoes just don't cut it. i can't decide if i should run around looking for all white sneakers or if i should just drive down to the uniform store to get those nursing shoes i liked.
if i can't change the fuse myself, i'm going to have to go the same way as the uniform store.
but even if i can change the fuse myself...i'm going to have to find some car part place.
this is annoying.
also i need to pass by michael's and exchange something.
all of this stuff is a drive down the same road. however, i hate driving right now because my brake lights aren't working. and right now...the roads are usually full.
also i don't really want to be out in public right now. i'm going to feel stupid at the car shop. i don't really feel like shopping for shoes or scrubs. and michael's sometimes gives me a headache.
yeah, fuck you, go ahead and call the wambulance.
P.S. i put myself on the vital savings DENTAL program from the school insurance....however, today they send me a vital savings card for the PHARMACY. FUCK. and when i called the number they said to call on the insurance company website...i started talking to the SCHOOL TELEPHONE OPERATOR FOR like 10 seconds before i realized i wasn't talking to the insurance office. THEN the insurance office has a long ass machine message.
i don't even know if this "vital savings" program is going to be worth it but i need to see a dentist because i think my tooth is going to rot out of my mouth.
I CANNOT DEAL WITH ALL THIS CRAP RIGHT NOW. I NEED TO STUDY.
you know, the only thing that was nice about today was someone saw me sitting by myself and called me over to their table even though there was no more room (tiny table for two...plus me is three) and before i thought i got along ohkay with the one that called me over and sort of not really ohkay with the girl she's always with but i think we're all ohkay. though it still feels superficial. i have no friends here. she invited me for dinner though...a rachel ray themed dinner. that gives me shivers...the bad kind. i told them i would only go if girl #2 brought her lab/chow mix. i only get a long with dogs nowadays (which explains ryan, i guess).
by the way, i was pretty happy about how well studying went last night but not so happy about the exam. and then i forgot the simple formula for complicated drips AND my calculator so i don't even know if i got those questions right when those were the questions i initially thought i'd easily get right. another SURE THING turned into SHIT.
shoot me.
EDIT: I FOUND THE FUSE PANEL. but...fuses all seem ohkay. big sigh...i guess i'll have to go. i'm really not even sure if my lights are out or not. i haven't been able to see for myself...i wish someone was around to help me disassemble my car. i don't think i have the heart to try to figure out how to pull out my lamps. at least it's not cold outside.
ANOTHER ADDITION: i refuse to make another entry for today so i will just keep editing and adding new stuff to this one. no new comfortable shoes (GREAT, i'm going to be SO HAPPY tomorrow) and no exchange at michael's. i did, however, get my brake lights fixed- 3 of them blew out. i was stressed out because at first i thought it was going to be 80 bucks but it turned out to be 40. then i got lost and extremely angry and if i hadn't just put 40 bucks into my car i would have just thrown myself and my car into a tree. i haven't even eaten all day. i can't say this was the shittiest day but it certainly is up there. and i imagine days are just going to keep on being like this for awhile.
extra credit for my management class was a list of things that keep you motivated.
some things on my list were past accomplishments/reaching short term goals, upcoming vacation time, sunshine, patients who keep on fighting and being positive and even those that feel like they can't so basically most of my patients, fear of failure and embarassment (how sad), music, puppies (i didn't really put that on the list to hand in), reassurance, family, deadlines, and overcoming obstacles.
i read all of the entries that i placed in my "memories" section and i feel like someone else wrote those entries. haven't yet decided if that's good or bad. too bad none of you can read it since they've all been moved to "private" status.
so what's going to cheer me up?