this one isn't a feel-good entry.
i have to be honest with you guys. coming from a somewhat good semester, i should be looking forward to things getting better, right? but i think really, that things are going to stay the same and i'll just get angrier. yeah. i have to be honest- i'm a really angry person. GOSH, am i angry!!! furious. spring semester is going to fly by so fast and no matter how ready i try to make myself i'm going to be swept away and boy, i'm going to be mad. it's just not fair. this better be worth it because the way i figure it i'm going to be working harder than i ever have in my entire life next semester (i mean, my class load is nothing but i'm really going to put effort into it and all...and that's not the only thing i've got going on...) and if it doesn't turn out to be worth it...then fuck it all. really. don't mean to be dramatic but the outcome will really affect my thoughts on certain existential and emotional problems. haha. second time i got to use that phrase. whew.
in any case, nothing you guys should be worried about. i have a plan for next semester- which will slyly look like i've got no plan at all. that's the beauty. now, how am i going to fool you into thinking i don't have a plan when i just said i do? i don't know. we'll see. you're going to think: god, jane's going to kill herself. but lo and behold, by the end of the semester you'll realize...she's in a better place!!! (whether or not i do end up dying). sorry. that's not a nice/sensitive joke. =T at least you LJ kids that aren't at stony won't realize since i'm going to swear off LJ once the semester starts.
ever talk to someone and realize all of a sudden that either you or they have changed and suddenly that question dawns on you- who IS this person anyway? even when deep down, you kind of knew this all along? maybe they/you didn't even change- maybe you've just somehow made up your own thoughts about them on a purely unreal basis? i don't know. i feel too scared of people recently. i feel simultaneously like a liar and like someone betrayed. don't think too hard about this one, folks. it's probably not what you think. i promise. i'm a raging neurotic (in case you haven't figured that out already.)
in other news, i'm trying not to get so bored because i've realized today that boredom really DOES cause tears. it's not so much nothing to do but no one to do it with, i guess. doesn't usually bother me. in fact, NO. i'm not bothered by it at all. well, i'll finish my little boohoo post now that i've sufficiently satisfied my need, i guess.
in any case, nothing you guys should be worried about. i have a plan for next semester- which will slyly look like i've got no plan at all. that's the beauty. now, how am i going to fool you into thinking i don't have a plan when i just said i do? i don't know. we'll see. you're going to think: god, jane's going to kill herself. but lo and behold, by the end of the semester you'll realize...she's in a better place!!! (whether or not i do end up dying). sorry. that's not a nice/sensitive joke. =T at least you LJ kids that aren't at stony won't realize since i'm going to swear off LJ once the semester starts.
ever talk to someone and realize all of a sudden that either you or they have changed and suddenly that question dawns on you- who IS this person anyway? even when deep down, you kind of knew this all along? maybe they/you didn't even change- maybe you've just somehow made up your own thoughts about them on a purely unreal basis? i don't know. i feel too scared of people recently. i feel simultaneously like a liar and like someone betrayed. don't think too hard about this one, folks. it's probably not what you think. i promise. i'm a raging neurotic (in case you haven't figured that out already.)
in other news, i'm trying not to get so bored because i've realized today that boredom really DOES cause tears. it's not so much nothing to do but no one to do it with, i guess. doesn't usually bother me. in fact, NO. i'm not bothered by it at all. well, i'll finish my little boohoo post now that i've sufficiently satisfied my need, i guess.