Remember to Never Forget
*sigh* I can’t believe Hawk Nelson has been a part of my live for only four years, and by the same token, I can’t believe it’s been a whole four years. I wish I had know them longer, for more of the 10 years there were like this, but sadly, I didn't. But, still, I am so very thankful for the 4 years I did know, and how quickly they pretty much they became my favorite band.
Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe if I had been a fan longer this would have hurt more, or maybe as the other members came and went I would have been sad. I knew Hawk Nelson just as I saw them on March 11, 2012: with Jason Dunn, Jon Steingard, Dan Biro, and Justin Beener. I never knew it any other way, and to me, that was just perfect.
I don’t know exactly when I started hearing about them. They were on the same label as Jeremy Camp. Not too long ago I pulled out and old Jeremy Camp CD and inside of it there was a promo advertising “Letters to the President.” I started laughing, wow, if I had paid attention to that promo I would have known about them sooner. Jeremy also ran a promotion that if you pre-ordered one of his CDs (which I did), you got a free M&G with him on a tour. Sadly, that tour never made it to California. I recently found that M&G pass and saw that he toured with Addie (his wife), and Hawk Nelson, meaning, if that tour had made it over here I would have known them sooner.
Well, things happened exactly the way they did, and I’m sure God’s plan was behind them all. I kept hearing “Hawk Nelson” and I ignorantly asked “Who is he?” I remember it was 2007 and I went to the “Women of Faith” conference with my church. They were advertising the Revolve tour and they were showing clips of Hawk Nelson and thought to myself, “They look cool.” At this point I kept hearing all this hype about them. That year I went to SWC and they sky dove onto their stage and thought, “Yeah, they look cool.”
They played at Fish fest right before Jeremy Camp. I went over to check them out, I needed to know more about this big hype. I remember Jason Dunn (although at the time I thought HE was Hawk Nelson) wearing all white, singing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” playing a kazoo and a guitar hero guitar. I don’t know why, but this guy seemed like he would be stuck up or something (BOY, was I wrong or what?).
Then there was the incident that changed it all. It was SWC Monterey once again. I had bad pretty bad experiences as a result from some of the people I went with. It was the last day and I was waiting backstage on the Air1 stage so I could go speak about my mom on stage. I was very excited to do it, but I was freezing (you know how I get when I’m cold) and I felt so lonely back there. Also, nerves started creeping up and I was so nervous to go on and speak before the big crown that these hawk nelson dudes were gonna draw.
So there I was, just sitting there, freezing and feeling scared and lonely, literally chattering my teeth away. No one came to talk to me, NO ONE! I was just sitting there freezing and freaking out about going on stage. I overheard them say Hawk Nelson was loading in and then I saw Jason and thought, “Oh yeah, he’s the lead singer.” He came hugged some little girl (later I found out that was Mark’s daughter when I worked that stage, more on that later) and I thought, “Hmm, he actually seems sweet.” He walked back and forth a few times, and I was just looking at him (I had nothing else better to do).
Then, well, this was crazy. He came over to me and told me, “Um, it’s not that cold you know.” I looked up at him and said, “Maybe not for you Canadians, but this L.A. girl, this is freezing.” (Yes, they were so intriguing I had done my research). He told me, “Why don’t you just go in there?” and pointed at the artist only lounge, “It’s warm in there.” “Um, there is a giant sign out there that says ‘Artists Only.’ I can’t go in there.” He said, “I’m afraid you’re going to die out here.” I said, “I can’t, I’ll get in trouble.” He then told me to stand up, then he got on this chair and yelled, “OK, everyone, listen up, this girl is going to shake to death out here, she has my permission to go into that room.” And he escorted me into the room. Everyone was saying, “Good idea, yeah, she’s very cold, good idea.”
Now I think back and go, “Really? Really? Why didn’t anyone else come and help me.”
But that was the moment I fell in love with the person that is Jason Dunn. He no longer was some crazy character on-stage; he was real nice and caring person. He noticed some nobody chick, sitting off in the corner, shaking and chattering away, pretty much turning blue. Yes, he did kid joke at first, but he also decided to help her. When I felt so lonely, he was the only one that came talk to me (later on Dan too), and he saved this poor little L.A. girl from freezing to death. I doubt he remembers ANY of this, but it means the absolute world to me.
After I spoke on-stage I remained backstage to see the rest of their show and I enjoyed their music and their performances a lot. I met some new friends, and we all went to their VIP M&G. When Jason saw me he yelled out “There she is!” (Funny, that has been his catch phrase to me, hehe).
At that point I knew I had to know more about them. I bought their latest CDs that night in the merch tent, saw their youtube videos, read stuff about them on-line, and eventually bought all their albums. Before I knew it I as a BIG FAN!! I knew every lyric and knew all about them.
Then The Rock & Worship roadshow started up and I was super happy with the lineup. It was my main man Jeremy Camp, with Addison Road who sang a song that meant a lot to me, plus some new band that sang a song about love being here called 10th Ave North (hehe), and of course, a band I now adored called Hawk Nelson.
Leading up to the show I spent a lot of time on the chat because I was on bed rest due to my bad back and I got to talk to a lot of the band members. When the show finally came, I was super happy and giddy. That first R&WRS was the first time I ever saw Hawk Nelson as a fan; I knew every single song this time around.
That first time seeing them as a fan was amazing. I was front row center and I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Dan was being so funny, Jon’s poor pedal board had issues, Justin was drumming away with a huge smile on his face, and Jason came down into the audience and used me for balance. It was amazing. Then at the meet & greet Jason told me “There she is!” as soon as he saw me and I gave them the game they asked for. (On the chat they had actually said they wanted us to bring out “A game” to the show, so I brought them a game….of Disneyland Uno. It was GREAT!! Ahahaha!)
For the next 4 years Hawk Nelson remained a big part of my life. Jon and I had multiple sound nerd conversations on line, which was awesome. I saw them in concert many, many times, and each time it was AMAZAZING!! I eventually met Michelle at one show and we became good friends.
It always seemed like they came around at the perfect time. When I was down their music would cheer me up. It was fun and upbeat for the most part, but when it needed to be deep and serious, it totally was. I seriously became SUCH a huge fan. Friends would often be surprised at such the short time I was a fan. All I could say was, “Dude, they rule.”
“Live Life Loud” holds a special place in my heart because that was the first Hawk Nelson album I was anxiously waiting for. I pre-ordered it and got my special 3D poster, 3D glasses, and cool T-shirt. I read the album front to back, and listened to every single song, and pretty much memorized it. Dude, that album changed my life, I’m not exaggerating. Each song had special meaning, and I just LOVED it. When it first came out I totally themed my LJ after it. I even talked to Dan AND Justin about it (different times). Dan said, “Yeah, well, live life loud baby.” I was like, “I KNOW!!!”
“Lest We Forget” is totally my fave hawk Nelson song, it fit me perfectly at the time, and I know there will soon come a time when it will fit me even more perfectly again. “Shaken” became the words I wanted to live by: “Lord use me, take me where YOU want me to go.” Hey, HE took me to Panama, hehe. “Eggshells” described the fight between a friend and I (we have since reconciled). “Tis so sweet” is an awesome rendition of that hymn and I always loved it. “Live Life Loud” and “Never Enough” is me, hehe. Seriously, the opening verse of “Never Enough” is perfectly me, but the whole song fits, hehe. And man, “The Job” was, and till is, my anthem. I’ll get the courage to do it soon, I promise, hehe. As a huge hockey fan and Ducks fan I could ralte to “Ode to Lord Stanley,” hehe. “The Meaning of Life” to this day give me chills. Dude, that song had some amazing live experiences, only because it’s SOO true. It always touched the dephs of my soul. Hearing it right now I can totally even relate it to Purple Fermata. (I like Jon’s little guitar lick, hehe.) “Alive” came at the most perfect live moment in a live setting, wow, I’ll never forget that moment (recap of that moment below). At the time “The Final Toast,” was just a pretty song, but later I dedicated that song to Steve Ruckman because it perfectly described how I felt about him. The only song I don’t really identify with is “Long Ago,” but I still think it’s a pretty song. (Sorry, just never been in a relationship to I can’t relate).
Yes, I remember telling Dan, and subsequently Justin all of this. I’m SOOO happy I finally got that album signed. It’s totally going up on my wall…after I buy a second copy to keep as a reference for the liner notes, hehe.
I am such a nerd, I once wrote each of the guys a letter, wrapped them around gift cards, and put them on Disney lanyards with each of their names. I wanted them each to know how much they meant to me. I told Justin how his never ending smile was infectious, Dan how hilarious I thought he was, Jason how sweet and thoughtful yet super silly I thought he was, and Jon how much I appreciated his music nerdiness and the time he takes to share his knowledge with me. *shakes head* I can’t believe I did something a 12 year old does, but I did. Don’t know if they ever read those letters, but it was exactly how I felt (and still do).
I felt it such a privilege that for my birthday weekend I got to work with them. It was at SWC Monterey, coincidently the place that made me fall in love with them. The played on the second night and I couldn’t have been more giddy. Danny had just given me Hawk Nelson for my birthday and boy, I was determined to get him signed. It was my first (and only) time working that stage, so it was all new and different to me. I met Mark and his daughter and I remembered HE was the guy making fun of me for eye stalking Jason and his daughter was the little girl Jason hugged (now she was a teenager). Mel was also back there; we had met the year before. Sshe knew what a big Hawk fan I was and how excited I was. When I told her about the last time I was back there she said, “I REMEMBER THAT!!” HAHA!
Dude, I was on Cloud 9 the entire time. It was a fly date so they didn’t have much gear, but it was still so awesome. I got to assemble and place the Murphy banner and help Justin out with his drums (I got a drum stick from him, hehe). I tried to disguise myself and I went to the fan M&G and got Hawk Nelson sign. It was cool, Jason wished me happy birthday and Dan fist pumped Hawk. Haha! It was AWESOME! Even the simple tasks of giving each guy a water bottle and towel made me so happy.
That show I was better than front row, I was in between the stage and the barricade, dead center, literally the absolute best seat in the place. When Jason came down into the audience, well, he had to lean on me, hehe. I was rocking out so hard that when I went back up on stage to tear down security tried to stop me thinking I was a fan. I proudly showed her my production pass and proceeded to tear down. Then I somehow ended talking to Justin for a LONG time, a lot about Belmont too. I didn't let them leave without gifts, hehe. Man, that was amazing.
So, this was supposed to be a concert recap of the last 2 shows. I hate that I stopped writing them and have no frame of reference when I think back of concerts. Sometimes I read one and go, “Oh, right, I totally forgot about that.” Somehow, this became a recap of what Hawk Nelson has done in my life for the past 4 years. And trust me, there’s SOOOO much that’s missing. I haven’t even talked about “Crazy Love” and what THAT album did to my life. I mean, I met Jodi, the co-founded of Purple Fermata, because of the “Crazy Love” CD release party. (I was standing behind her in line, but we actually met at a Manic Drive concert, but she ONLY talked to me because she remembered me from the CD release show.)
Well, here we come to the present, and this is the note that Jason Dunn wrote on his FB on Feb 1, 2012:
Dear Hawk Nelson faithful,
As most of you have heard the news, March 11, 2012 will be my last show with Hawk Nelson in Fresno, CA. It has been such an amazing journey and I will really miss playing music with my friends, yet I'm very excited for my future as Lights Go Down. This was not an overnight decision. I've been thinking and praying about this decision for almost 3 years and by no means does that make it any easier. I wish my friends in Hawk Nelson the very best with their future endeavors and ask for all of you to keep us in your prayers.
I want to personally thank each and everyone of you for supporting Hawk Nelson. A lot of you have been with us since day 1! You are so incredible!! I hope to cross paths with you all again in the near future!!!!
Love,
Jason
This was my reply:
Here is what I take from this Jason…
You said you’ve been thinking and praying about this decision for 3 years. This means that when you first started thinking about leaving was when I first became a fan of Hawk Nelson. In three short years Hawk Nelson grew to be my favorite band. People are often amazed of how short of a time I’ve been a fan because I love HN so much. Now, had you not listened to God 3 years ago and left then, man, it hurts my heart to think about all I would have missed. The things are too numerous to name here, but I wouldn’t have had so many songs that meant so much me, so many amazing concert experiences, and I would have never met TWO of my closest friends since I met them at HN concert (and this last one also means I probably would have never started my ministry as they both have been so influential in me starting it.) To me, what this has taught me is that you ALWAYS need to listen to God and do everything in HIS timing; His plans are always perfect.
And yes, while it completely saddens me that you will leaving Hawk Nelson, my favorite band, I am anxious and excited for you to you pursue your solo career and see in what direction the new Hawk Nelson will move in.
Thank YOU for all the beautiful memories and I hope and pray we’ll have many more with your new endeavors.
Please don’t be surprised if you see me crying when I see you in March.
Originally it read a date in May in GA but plans got changed and it was March 11. I was actually gonna go visit my cousins in May and go see his last show; I had already asked for the time off and was looking at flights and everything. Well, it ended up being in Fresno and Michelle and I were able to go. I promise to write a FULL recap about that.
His entry really put me at ease. As I wrote in my reply to him, he is doing things in God’s timing, and He often asks us to go beyond our comfort zone. I was telling Michelle, “Man, how hard must it have been to approach the guys and tell them you’re leaving?” Jason is a strong man, and you can just see him in this. It is quite evident that the other guys still love him, even Jon tweeted how he was still their brother.
A big regret of mine is that I didn’t know about them before. But Jason tweeted: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened"- Dr. Seuss Did I really just quote a children's author? Why yes I did, Sam I am.” Ok first of all, this shows how hilarious Jason is, but secondly, he is SOOO right. I am smiling because it happened, and I am thankful for those 4 years I did have. I mean, I can’t imagine a life without Michelle, Jodi, and Purple Fermata. And seriously, how could I have handled Dec/Jan without “Take Me?” There’s so many more reason, and I am very thankful for all.
Here’s the other thing, I will definitely still be a Hawk Nelson fan and I will indeed follow and support Lights Go Down. Here’s the thing, Jason will still be Jason, Jon will still be Jon, Dan will still be Dan, and Justin will still be Justin; they will still be the 4 guys with distinct personalities that I grew to love. I love all 4 guys and they will have my full support. Although I am super sad the Hawk Nelson I grew to know and love has changed, I am anxious and excited to see what their future holds.
Jason, I’ll miss you as the front man of Hawk Nelson. Thank YOU for all the beautiful memories of the past 4 years…and thank you for saying I was legit
Some HN related LJ posts:
Jason saving my life: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/364777.html
First time as a fan: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/385416.html
When I met Michelle: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/393004.html
Broke my purse & lost my shoe: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/398486.html
Talking with Jon: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/399547.html
Hating not being in the pit: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/401721.html
They invaded my dreams: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/402739.html
Saving the day, only like Hawk Nelson know how to do: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/409561.html
Working with them: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/410471.html
Dedicating “The Last Toast” to Steve: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/415106.html
My “One Little Miracle”: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/419222.html
Hawk Nelson song parody: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/418671.html
Jason calling me out: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/420774.html
Concert survey showcasing TWO amazing shows by them: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/420900.html
“Take Me”” helping me through tough times: http://janetplanet.livejournal.com/421439.html