Saturday afternoon
Today is my husband's 40th birthday. I took the day off work (I usually work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday) but he doesn't really want to do anything but play computer games from the 1980s.
That means I don't have much of anything to do besides make him brownies and read this biography of Graham Greene that I began yesterday (it is volume two and I didn't read volume one - I kind of like the challenge of having to guess at most of the action of his childhood and early adult life).
In retrospect, one of the things I liked most about myself as a teenager--and into my early twenties--was that I felt myself (and presented myself) as a unified personality. I was pretty much the same "self" in every situation. That is what I lost in my late twenties. Mostly now I experience myself as some sort of "watered down" version of the self I am in my head. There are things I would like to do tonight, but I can't imagine the reality in which I would do them. Not crazy things necessarily - but something besides just being at home all day.
That means I don't have much of anything to do besides make him brownies and read this biography of Graham Greene that I began yesterday (it is volume two and I didn't read volume one - I kind of like the challenge of having to guess at most of the action of his childhood and early adult life).
In retrospect, one of the things I liked most about myself as a teenager--and into my early twenties--was that I felt myself (and presented myself) as a unified personality. I was pretty much the same "self" in every situation. That is what I lost in my late twenties. Mostly now I experience myself as some sort of "watered down" version of the self I am in my head. There are things I would like to do tonight, but I can't imagine the reality in which I would do them. Not crazy things necessarily - but something besides just being at home all day.