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Hello, and welcome to Jane Doe Trouble's journal. This journal is now friends only. If you are interested in becoming a friend, please send a request to Jane herself by commenting on this entry. Your request will be read in the order it was received. Expect 2 to 5 days of processing before being informed of your admittance status
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Why?
Because otherwise...
when a 50's-horror-movie Snot Monster wheezes across the Iowa prairie, snuffling wheezily and roaring it's great snuffly roar when confronted by the state Army Reserve's pitiful helicopters and useless weed-whackers; ...
and when the military's Atomic Victory robots, long in mothballs and forgotten by everybody except that old First Sergeant who was due to retire the next week, get the long-awaited signal to attack; ...
and when a plucky but amoral South Dakotan lad of only 12 years intercepts the archaicly-encrypted activation codes during lunch, sneaks into his school's technology center and breaks them over his recess period, and steers the Atomic Victory armada to attack Madison, Wisconsin instead; ...
and when Delores Thurgood's "Cracklin' Baked Chicken" recipe proves to be the Snot Monster's Achilles Heel, and it explodes all over the Coralville landscape, leaving the blasted and barren trees glistening in the afternoon sun; ...
("Oh ho," Delores will crow, "that recipe kills 'em every time!" And the young deputy, close enough to overhear her, will eye Delores suspiciously, and quietly re-open those strange accidental-death cases of her last three husbands...)
and when Herbert Vilgrimsson, the UW-Madison football legend who made a name for himself as the best legless quarterback the school had ever seen, before fate intervened and he lost his left arm as well, now long past his prime, struggles out the door of the Badger Retirement Villa to see the Atomic Victory robots heading ever closer to his beloved stadium, and knows, instintively what he needs to do...
it's at that point that I'll say to myself "I wish I'd asked to read Andrea's journal, but now it's too late."
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