impatience
wow, the past few days were the SUCKSSSS. i lost the card i need to open the gate to my apartment complex. i got way drunk even though i hate doing that. my room is all fucked up because of my retarded hungover state of mind which sucks cause i spent all day friday cleaning it, ants took over my room temporarily (?) the other day having their own little post-halloween party. and i'm having some sort of quarter-life crisis.
i'd have to say that impatience, anxiety, and cynicism are not a good mix. that equation has made the past month or so pretty difficult at times. While some of my goals can be boiled down to simple tasks or projects, certain things i'd like to achieve are going to take a lot more time and i won't be able to control every aspect, every step of each process as much as I put that pressure on myself to do the impossible.
I'm glad i told my parents i wasn't happy with how my life was going. yeah, it was really hard, but this shit isn't going to succumb to an act of will alone. although i am feeling a lot better. i went to the gym friggin twice today. i was pretty high strung driving back to the apartment tonite cause of traffic, but i talked to mel and nate.
so yeah, this week (and next week)...letting myself chill the fuck out, go to the gym, read, music, hang out with people, maybe even enjoy my birthday this thursday? (this thursday!?!!!) on friday my parents and i are driving to fresno for the weekend to see my grandma, then comin back sunday.
Ummm tomorrow. gym in the morning, get haircut, make appointments, see 2pm Pieces of April with my Mom. thennnnnn hanging out with Nathan? and i might see Jason too cause he's got a night time class at DVC. wooooooah my last day bein 20. hmmmm =/
i'd have to say that impatience, anxiety, and cynicism are not a good mix. that equation has made the past month or so pretty difficult at times. While some of my goals can be boiled down to simple tasks or projects, certain things i'd like to achieve are going to take a lot more time and i won't be able to control every aspect, every step of each process as much as I put that pressure on myself to do the impossible.
I'm glad i told my parents i wasn't happy with how my life was going. yeah, it was really hard, but this shit isn't going to succumb to an act of will alone. although i am feeling a lot better. i went to the gym friggin twice today. i was pretty high strung driving back to the apartment tonite cause of traffic, but i talked to mel and nate.
so yeah, this week (and next week)...letting myself chill the fuck out, go to the gym, read, music, hang out with people, maybe even enjoy my birthday this thursday? (this thursday!?!!!) on friday my parents and i are driving to fresno for the weekend to see my grandma, then comin back sunday.
Ummm tomorrow. gym in the morning, get haircut, make appointments, see 2pm Pieces of April with my Mom. thennnnnn hanging out with Nathan? and i might see Jason too cause he's got a night time class at DVC. wooooooah my last day bein 20. hmmmm =/