random blurbs... some go together, some do not, read away! :)
I'm reading a new book and I LOVE it. I'm fifty pages into it and everyone I work with and half of our customers know all about it because I can't stop talking about it. I'm keeping it in my truck because that way I won't stay up without eating or sleeping until I'm done reading and taking two days to think about everything I've read. It's better for everyone that way... Except for this time next week when my coworkers are really done hearing about how great the book is.
Yesterday I told someone I was amazing, in jest of course, and he replied with "You really are. Actually, you're so amazing that you've become synonymous with the word. When I hear Melissa, i think, amazing! When I hear amazing, I think Melissa!" I don't care that it was a total lie, it was hilarious and I was glad I got to spend three more hours talking to him inbetween slinging delicious treats at the public at large.
I'm watching Sex and the City because nothing is on and I'm really digging this laying in bed for a few hours thing I've got going. I've said it before, but I must say again that I see a lot of myself in Miranda. Not physically, obviously, but in her fierce loyalty to her friends, her desire to be the best at her job and to be a good mom at the same time, and in the part of her relationship with Steve where she realizes she really loves him and he's dating someone else. It's not that I'm there right now because I truly promise nothing like that is going on in my life. But I look at myself and my occassional inability to speak up at times when it is really important and my frustration with having so many thoughts and not knowing which ones to trust all the time and I can identify with that heartache.
There's so many things I long for that I am terrified will never happen. Some of the things I hope for, there's absolutely no reason for me to be worried about never seeing them fulfilled because they are so out of my control it's stupid to get any level of worked up over them. Other things though, well, I've made a lot of mistakes and I am afraid they will add up to the need for a major revamping of my life. That makes me feel stuck. Stagnant, wondering how it happened, not knowing how to move, unsure of what direction to even face before trying to take the first step because how do you change everything all at once?
Moving to Texas was the right thing to do in so many ways and most of the time, I know that. There was nothing for me in Riverside. I'll keep my dear friends through different time zones and zip codes and I didn't have the kind of relationship with anyone that means you stay where they are. But I'm starting to think this stay in San Antonio should be a much shorter pit stop than I had originally planned. Maybe I need a fresh start in a place I don't know anyone and have to fight to be there. I don't know. All I do know is that I am ridiculously not ready to tie myself legally and financially to this city. It has only been a month though, I'm not sure this is a clear indication I am not capable of putting roots down.
What if I keep my good-pay-for-what-it-is-which-means-it's-not-all-that-great-in-the-real-world job, live with my parents for a year, and stock the crap out of my bank account while also going to school full-time?
Well, at least I got a new workout dvd. I'll join a gym as soon as I've got the cash flow to do so, but in the meantime it's quality time with the giant tv and convient dvd player all hooked up downstairs. I learned the other night that I'm not up to Tae-Bo just yet so I hit up the sale shelf at Target. I always knew that I had no dance moves, but I never really owned that fact until last night while attempting cardio dance. I'd never do that particular workout with anyone else, but I have to admit it was way fun even as I was laughing at myself for being so very uncoordinated. In two weeks (yeah, it really will take that long, leave me alone... heh) I will have quite the boost in self-confidence due to the kickass dance moves I own.
Yesterday I told someone I was amazing, in jest of course, and he replied with "You really are. Actually, you're so amazing that you've become synonymous with the word. When I hear Melissa, i think, amazing! When I hear amazing, I think Melissa!" I don't care that it was a total lie, it was hilarious and I was glad I got to spend three more hours talking to him inbetween slinging delicious treats at the public at large.
I'm watching Sex and the City because nothing is on and I'm really digging this laying in bed for a few hours thing I've got going. I've said it before, but I must say again that I see a lot of myself in Miranda. Not physically, obviously, but in her fierce loyalty to her friends, her desire to be the best at her job and to be a good mom at the same time, and in the part of her relationship with Steve where she realizes she really loves him and he's dating someone else. It's not that I'm there right now because I truly promise nothing like that is going on in my life. But I look at myself and my occassional inability to speak up at times when it is really important and my frustration with having so many thoughts and not knowing which ones to trust all the time and I can identify with that heartache.
There's so many things I long for that I am terrified will never happen. Some of the things I hope for, there's absolutely no reason for me to be worried about never seeing them fulfilled because they are so out of my control it's stupid to get any level of worked up over them. Other things though, well, I've made a lot of mistakes and I am afraid they will add up to the need for a major revamping of my life. That makes me feel stuck. Stagnant, wondering how it happened, not knowing how to move, unsure of what direction to even face before trying to take the first step because how do you change everything all at once?
Moving to Texas was the right thing to do in so many ways and most of the time, I know that. There was nothing for me in Riverside. I'll keep my dear friends through different time zones and zip codes and I didn't have the kind of relationship with anyone that means you stay where they are. But I'm starting to think this stay in San Antonio should be a much shorter pit stop than I had originally planned. Maybe I need a fresh start in a place I don't know anyone and have to fight to be there. I don't know. All I do know is that I am ridiculously not ready to tie myself legally and financially to this city. It has only been a month though, I'm not sure this is a clear indication I am not capable of putting roots down.
What if I keep my good-pay-for-what-it-is-which-means-it's-not-all-that-great-in-the-real-world job, live with my parents for a year, and stock the crap out of my bank account while also going to school full-time?
Well, at least I got a new workout dvd. I'll join a gym as soon as I've got the cash flow to do so, but in the meantime it's quality time with the giant tv and convient dvd player all hooked up downstairs. I learned the other night that I'm not up to Tae-Bo just yet so I hit up the sale shelf at Target. I always knew that I had no dance moves, but I never really owned that fact until last night while attempting cardio dance. I'd never do that particular workout with anyone else, but I have to admit it was way fun even as I was laughing at myself for being so very uncoordinated. In two weeks (yeah, it really will take that long, leave me alone... heh) I will have quite the boost in self-confidence due to the kickass dance moves I own.