What do you do when you get lonely?
I hate it that I feel like such a bad friend. I hate feeling like I have to rely on others for my survival and it's been like that for a few months.
I hate putting off things that I know should be the next priority. I've done that too.
Some days I just feel like that. I think I might have social anxiety, because there are times when I can't face the world, friends or no, but when I get around people, I don't want to stop.
Bradley lewis was the opener for Tracy Morgan this week, which was a throw back to my days in Seattle. He said that I should just give D. Wright some pussy and end the torture for all of us... um... no. It was cool to see a seattle acquaintance talking about guys we know. Ah.... sigh. Brad was at the football game we had, which threw my memory to Dan Moore more than anything, because it was the first time I'd seen dan in non cary grant-eque, non film noir attire. More of a tiny mountain man...
On top of that, I realize how boy crazy in many senses I am. I'm sorry. I can't help it. Dan and I could have a great relationship (and sex life!), but even with dan, we had the post coitus talk and brought up the Brian...
Trying to find a blog about the football game, I ended up seeing what I blogged about meeting brian in January (http://jane-haze.livejournal.com/161983.html), which I had forgotten he asked me to come back friday to do a guest spot. Or the fact I went to see roy christopher or that I was at the UG early Fri night and then came back later. I remember showing up with make-up on and having my dancing attire on that I flashed before putting on my typical "uniform" of the time...
I swear, I don't understand the thing with brian, because the mentally, it's one of the most imagery filled crushes, use your own imagination as to what that could mean...
He apparently was at the Punchline last sunday right before I showed up. D'oh! I seriously, seriously think that it's *not* just me. For some reason, I think these "images" in my head, in some sort of telepathy way confirms my suspicions. I hate to say that, because it sounds new age-y and ridiculous, but over the last 5 years, I've learned to trust my instincts, as they've *always* been right. Germany, that SF road trip... I've really not had anything that I truly thought would happen not happen. There's a difference between what I say and what I *really* think. And this is one of them. I just wish I could get a yay or nay so I could get over it. Either I've got to make an ass out of myself and put my ideas out there or he needs to make a move, because it's going to drive me insane. It took me too many years to get the name "brian" out of my thoughts, and now it's coming back. This is sucking to have the cyclical name thing.
Anyway, I had a dream last night that involved him in parts, maron and caitlyn gill on another part. The latter two were just involved in conversation in a non-comedy circumstance. I hate that these people are my life. I'm finally living my dreams, more or less. My friends and people I interact with are comics. Tonight, I was moshing to tracy morgan doing an acapella version of teen spirit before people came in. One of the least likely people to do that song...
(I've got 1.50 to my name. Damn.)
I hate putting off things that I know should be the next priority. I've done that too.
Some days I just feel like that. I think I might have social anxiety, because there are times when I can't face the world, friends or no, but when I get around people, I don't want to stop.
Bradley lewis was the opener for Tracy Morgan this week, which was a throw back to my days in Seattle. He said that I should just give D. Wright some pussy and end the torture for all of us... um... no. It was cool to see a seattle acquaintance talking about guys we know. Ah.... sigh. Brad was at the football game we had, which threw my memory to Dan Moore more than anything, because it was the first time I'd seen dan in non cary grant-eque, non film noir attire. More of a tiny mountain man...
On top of that, I realize how boy crazy in many senses I am. I'm sorry. I can't help it. Dan and I could have a great relationship (and sex life!), but even with dan, we had the post coitus talk and brought up the Brian...
Trying to find a blog about the football game, I ended up seeing what I blogged about meeting brian in January (http://jane-haze.livejournal.com/161983.html), which I had forgotten he asked me to come back friday to do a guest spot. Or the fact I went to see roy christopher or that I was at the UG early Fri night and then came back later. I remember showing up with make-up on and having my dancing attire on that I flashed before putting on my typical "uniform" of the time...
I swear, I don't understand the thing with brian, because the mentally, it's one of the most imagery filled crushes, use your own imagination as to what that could mean...
He apparently was at the Punchline last sunday right before I showed up. D'oh! I seriously, seriously think that it's *not* just me. For some reason, I think these "images" in my head, in some sort of telepathy way confirms my suspicions. I hate to say that, because it sounds new age-y and ridiculous, but over the last 5 years, I've learned to trust my instincts, as they've *always* been right. Germany, that SF road trip... I've really not had anything that I truly thought would happen not happen. There's a difference between what I say and what I *really* think. And this is one of them. I just wish I could get a yay or nay so I could get over it. Either I've got to make an ass out of myself and put my ideas out there or he needs to make a move, because it's going to drive me insane. It took me too many years to get the name "brian" out of my thoughts, and now it's coming back. This is sucking to have the cyclical name thing.
Anyway, I had a dream last night that involved him in parts, maron and caitlyn gill on another part. The latter two were just involved in conversation in a non-comedy circumstance. I hate that these people are my life. I'm finally living my dreams, more or less. My friends and people I interact with are comics. Tonight, I was moshing to tracy morgan doing an acapella version of teen spirit before people came in. One of the least likely people to do that song...
(I've got 1.50 to my name. Damn.)