(no subject)
spending time at home with the family is always so nice & relaxing for me. this past weekend has been filled with music concert after music concert (quite a few of them given by ranjani) and it's been nice to see aunties/uncles and chat about how life moves by us so quickly. some of those aunties are like second mothers to me and i absolutely love the fact that they're so excited to watch my sister and i grow up. but i guess i feel the same way about their young children; little kids who were 3 or 4 the last time i remember spending time with them now come up to my shoulder and have been such mature little people. my mom/sister leave on wednesday for india (have a good trip payal, btw!) and im going to be so lonely without them. my dad and i get along great, we have such a good time together..but still. i get mopey just thinking about it. this summer has been so different from all previous summers. i don't ever go out, i just sit around the house and hang out with family. family friends will visit for various meals or we'll go over there for coffee/snacks. it's always the same and i still haven't gotten sick of it. something MUST be wrong. usually im tired of my family by the third or fourth night back in town. and while i desperately want to get back to san diego, i like being 'stuck' up here at home. if only my soas grades would come in, i could stop worrying about that. in the meantime, all i do anymore is study for the LSAT. i gotta beat that 170. i just have to. i keep hoping that by putting it down on paper (net?) i'll force myself to make it come true. with the amount of homework that testmasters assigns, though - i'm sure i'll be okay. well. sure is a bad word. i'm HOPING i'll be okay. it's all i think about anymore so forgive me for being boring. i'm a boring person this summer. but you know what, i don't really care. because i ahve fucked around for so long and been less than i could be that it's finally time i buckled down and DID something with all that potential people keep saying i have. maurice and i were talking about this a while ago, how people sometimes get afraid that everyone's wrong about them so they just keep goofing off b/c at least that way theyll have a reason for the bad grades and going nowhereness other than just sheer stupidity. i do it all the time. i guess i'm just scared to find out that i'm NOT as smart as ive believed all my life, that i'm mediocre and just like everyone else. so i screw around, get drunk a lot, spend too much money on clothes, take naps when i should be studying, find boys to occupy my time, etc. but this summer i've isolated myself from all distractions and i'm feeling pretty good about things. go me :)