(no subject)
I've had 3 really good psyched up moments to talk to Tree about the moving out thing. I swear she knows it because all three times when I got up the nerve, she decided not to be home for once ... or thrice. It's not because I think she'll hate me, it's more like it'll be awkward because she's a big baby. Ever have that boyfriend that you tried to break up with and he just cried A LOT and then no matter how hard you tried to shake the image, he just became this fragile, overly sensitive thing that you couldn't have an honest conversation with anymore? It's kind of like that. I've never made her cry, per say, but I've witnessed first hand her reaction to rejection and insecurity and it ain't pretty. It sucks too because we used to have one of those really good relationships where I could say shut the fuck up you're annoying. But since we moved in, it's like I'm afraid she'll cry if I look at her the wrong way, which is at least 50% all in my head. She's been through worse. But can you really bring it up after a really good, happy conversation about your weekend plans together? This weekend will be so much fun and we'll have a great time and oh by the way, I'm leaving you ... where does that fit in?
That just seems hypocritical. Kind of like those guys (or girls) who are all I love you, I'm so happy with you, we should take a weekend trip together and by the way, this isn't working for me. Funny thing is, I've always been pretty good at breaking up. I don't really avoid it much. It's pretty much we need to talk, the end. Well at least as far as getting the conversation started goes. I haven't exactly mastered the clean break thing. It's more like ripping off the band-aid that happens to be on a really hairy spot so it hurts like hell for a good hour after. That's a metaphor ... I like to initiate the break and then drag it out for a whole year, because I actually don't believe in throwing people away. I mean if you think about it, you spend 2 years of your life having someone as your best friend and then you're supposed to just get rid of the friendship too because you don't feel like having sex anymore? That doesn't seem fair. Maybe it's just a bit selfish. I don't want the boyfriend part, just the friend part. But that's okay, I've gotten 2 good friends out of it after the sticking it out period was over. It was worth it.
Speaking of breaking up, I'm meeting Steve's new girlfriend this weekend. I've heard all about her. It should be .... awkward. Not in an unrequited love kind of way, just in a weird I'm the ex and we happen to still be good friends kind of way. And it's always weird that first time you see them being all "boyfriendy" with someone regardless of how long you've been apart and how over it you are. Not weird, really, different, you know? Trust me, I'm beyond happy for him. I think I may have been happier than he was when he told me haha. That also could just be my bad-guy-I-dumped-you guilt. Anyway, looking forward to it.
That just seems hypocritical. Kind of like those guys (or girls) who are all I love you, I'm so happy with you, we should take a weekend trip together and by the way, this isn't working for me. Funny thing is, I've always been pretty good at breaking up. I don't really avoid it much. It's pretty much we need to talk, the end. Well at least as far as getting the conversation started goes. I haven't exactly mastered the clean break thing. It's more like ripping off the band-aid that happens to be on a really hairy spot so it hurts like hell for a good hour after. That's a metaphor ... I like to initiate the break and then drag it out for a whole year, because I actually don't believe in throwing people away. I mean if you think about it, you spend 2 years of your life having someone as your best friend and then you're supposed to just get rid of the friendship too because you don't feel like having sex anymore? That doesn't seem fair. Maybe it's just a bit selfish. I don't want the boyfriend part, just the friend part. But that's okay, I've gotten 2 good friends out of it after the sticking it out period was over. It was worth it.
Speaking of breaking up, I'm meeting Steve's new girlfriend this weekend. I've heard all about her. It should be .... awkward. Not in an unrequited love kind of way, just in a weird I'm the ex and we happen to still be good friends kind of way. And it's always weird that first time you see them being all "boyfriendy" with someone regardless of how long you've been apart and how over it you are. Not weird, really, different, you know? Trust me, I'm beyond happy for him. I think I may have been happier than he was when he told me haha. That also could just be my bad-guy-I-dumped-you guilt. Anyway, looking forward to it.