(no subject)
i feel this terrible evil.. its compleatly self inflicted. dangerious in its sadness and tired nothingness, like a heart without the brain, pumping to this dead body when the brain just turns in on itself and destroys any attempt at expression. being compleatly without anything to talk about when theres thousands of things flying and torchering you. like ciggerette burning until the filter, except the filter is to thick to let the smoke through. all that comes out is simplified but still obscure enough to sound like a bent fork. antisocial.. i have a feeling this hell is neverending, there is no power in it, yet its like a burning lava, futile, hate, scared. become impeccable im told, make sure its not personal, enjoy the now and live in it, yet i cannot seem to grasp. i can write afterwards but its simple to write. not to be an author, im sure. to talk by oneself or with somone of similar powers is possible but to talk to somone with different powers is destruction to my foolish linguistics. compleatly spattered with random intensity and outlines, but to the point of disassociation, im lost when i encounter life. it hits me straight in the forhead and cracks my mind to splinters. its like a baseball bat swung too hard and missing, or when finally hitting destroying the ball and the bat along with it. like a fish tank with the happy fish swimming around freely in there tiny space, and the nurotic scared fish that stays in the corner and knows somthings wrong, cant pinpoint it but its a feeling, this is not right, said over and over. just let go, become free, kill that dragon, slay the foe, in fact i dont think i am even a lion but a camel, thinking its a lion but then realizing its only a camel, you must die first they say, whats death? i say. whats life? who is this lion you speak of? in fact in my confusion i ask what is anything? really i must learn to let go. but still hold on. its about leaving and arriving, paying your taxs, you live in the united states! nothing is free! especially your soul. fight for every word spoken, who knows.. im foolish.. if you have read this far i applode you, seems to me your as foolish as i. or just curious i wouldnt want to target you.