Trying
Trying really... really... hard. Maybe not hard enough... So I'm trying to find ways to try harder. And then I get foiled by things that I can't control.
I want to have some semblance of contentment again because it helps to focus on things. Stressing out makes me lose sight of important things and makes me sick.
I just want to get things done so I can move on with my life.
I want to be able to succeed in things I enjoy.
I cant see myself doing anything but art. But I don't keep deadlines, I can't even do requests let alone commissions.
I don't know what I'll end up doing. I don't think I can even see myself driving at all anymore. I probably haven't tried so hard to get my license because I don't want to drive. The signs confuse me, signals confuse me, and all I'm going to do is just wreck the car and kill myself probably.
And I'm tired of being depressed and down in the dumps because after a while, whatever friends I really still have left are going to be sick of me. I'm tired of just bringing drama into everyone's lives. I want to be happy again for more than an hour to a day... But every time I do achieve some sort of joy, something happens that knocks me back down.
Of course it's rarely the first thing. I'll hold out through several ordeals until finally something or other will happen and I'm so worn out from trying to be happy that I just crumple.
I'm tired of feeling battered. It's bothersome.
For those that have "real" problems and ordeals to be sad about, I'm sorry for you. I'm just going to mope in my own corner and not bother you then.
I want to have some semblance of contentment again because it helps to focus on things. Stressing out makes me lose sight of important things and makes me sick.
I just want to get things done so I can move on with my life.
I want to be able to succeed in things I enjoy.
I cant see myself doing anything but art. But I don't keep deadlines, I can't even do requests let alone commissions.
I don't know what I'll end up doing. I don't think I can even see myself driving at all anymore. I probably haven't tried so hard to get my license because I don't want to drive. The signs confuse me, signals confuse me, and all I'm going to do is just wreck the car and kill myself probably.
And I'm tired of being depressed and down in the dumps because after a while, whatever friends I really still have left are going to be sick of me. I'm tired of just bringing drama into everyone's lives. I want to be happy again for more than an hour to a day... But every time I do achieve some sort of joy, something happens that knocks me back down.
Of course it's rarely the first thing. I'll hold out through several ordeals until finally something or other will happen and I'm so worn out from trying to be happy that I just crumple.
I'm tired of feeling battered. It's bothersome.
For those that have "real" problems and ordeals to be sad about, I'm sorry for you. I'm just going to mope in my own corner and not bother you then.