Late Night Babbles
So since I've opted to stay up the night since it's 4am and I have to be up at 6am, I've been inspired to babble away some thoughts in my head...
Heh heh.. Why would Happy? be the first thing I hear at the moment... But I love this song.. It's my theme song, although not much anymore...
When I was alone and angry, it spoke of my angst... Cause I really did wonder if how those people treated me really did make them happy or whatever.. Then Breathe Into Me became my theme after something else I don't really remember cause it was so brief.. Oh loneliness..
Wtf O.o Happy just got cut off! ;A; And switched to teh music box version of Adieu from Cowboy Bebop.... the hell?
*sigh* Anyways.. I turned the TV off, cause I don't feel like watching Robot Chicken..
gee, this is a quiet part of the net..
And I'm wondering if I should go ahead and try and scan pictures at school tomorrow..
The One, by Meja now... And yes, I'm listing songs as they play through the shuffle..
Hmm.. New boyfriend, more or less, coming to visit me tomorr-... today... >///> I'm excited but I'm kinda too sleepy to really be up and abo-.. well not really sleepy.. I'm all wound up..
Didn't help that my two room mates just totally attacked me, pinned me to the floor, and tickled the hell out of me... Never really screamed so loud in a long while.. Yet.. >3
And there go some thoughts of attacking a certain person who's been driving me up a wall lately and vice versa... heh heh heh...
Gosh, I should feel horrible but I'm all excited instead.. Work 'em over with thoughts until everything unleashes physically... *evil perverted laugh* This should be fun... Especially since I make him feel easy~
Hmm.. I'm gonna veer away from this thought process before I start thinking things thats gonna make me contact him and proceed with torture... Torture that will be avenged later today I once again realize..............
eh heh heh heh heh heh >D
Feels So Good by Sonique
Low battery on my iPod.. hope i remember to plug it up to charge while I get ready for school...
I'm so tired by now I'm trembling, but its too late to sleep now... I'll oversleep.. ;A;
DO. NOT. WANT. I love getting to class on time, it means I don't miss anything! XD
Someone told me that my personal definition of a troll should go up in urban dictionary or whatever..I dunno.. I just don't like the trolling.. ~__~ but thats internet stuff I don't bother and tend to avoid. The craziness gets on my everlasting nerve...
I'm still waiting to see if any trolls jump me but whatever...
Hmmm..
I more or less had a... strange day..
Woke up too early... woke up an hour late.. opted to take the next bus since I wanted to eat breakfast... breakfast is a good thing as well as food in general.. I DO NOT like passing out.. ;w;
Hmm.. Coheed and Cambria song that I can't quite remember the name of.. I think Radio Bye Bye...
I like the No World For Tomorrow album.. it makes for a good sound track to think for my story that I've worked on since high school... actually, since middle school since I've had Jamina since maybe... 7th grade?
IM SO FUCKING GLAD that I'm drawing again! I hit SUCH a block.. Not as bad one I dare not mention, because I was soooo depressed and sad and emotional and all sorts of shit.. When I have an art block its like I start PMSing I swear, cause I don't do that in normal circumstances.. >< dear god.. Makes me wanna kill myself..
Speaking of which, that thought came into my mind for a split second while I was walking to the station from school... Scared the shit out of me, I almost fell. ><
Yeah.. Radio Bye bye...
But I guess God does still love me.. I guess I keep having footprint moments of doubt where i only see one set of prints..
I was feeling lonely and aggravated and I've had a growing feeling of being out of place more and more... it's worrying me... But I say God still loves me because a friend of mine just... appeared out of nowhere. I know he didn't see me before hand cause I walked and he just came down stairs and made a b-line.. O.o
And then I just.. opened up..
I tried to voice what was bothering me, but like 5 different things tried to come out of my mouth at once and I gave up...
He told me that it doesn't matter how I feel, it's all about how I look. If I look good I should be happy no matter what. XD He was kidding but serious at the same time.
He said he cared too...
It was sweet..
I was just grateful for being hugged finally.. We kinda looked like a couple for a while cause he was even holding my hand with laced fingers until he started talking about his boyfriend.. XD;
But he talked to me and made me smile.. I felt alot better...
Then my roommate talked to me for a while and went to Walmart with me and it was good..
Then I was putting stuff away and my other room mate came home and i hung out there with them... It was fun, despite the near death tickling.. ><
Stuttering by Benjamin's Brother.
God, that song is the truth... sadly for several moments in my life...
sigh...
men..
i wonder sometimes.. -__-
Waiting for someone to make me stop stuttering...
he's coming today actually...
makes me feel weird that I feel like I'm "importing" someone from somewhere... just to have someone who really cares in the romantic fashion.. and sticks to it...
*sigh* Can't a girl just be loved?
Or am I just too fucked up by now...
Btw, I had an argument with my ex today... He did some name analyzer thing but instead of his name he put "general"... So I picked at him a little and he got all sensitive and pulling an attitude and I'm like.. wtf?
Basically stuck him in a place..
God dammit.. More Than A Memory by Hoobastank..
Which is so god damned true it's getting on my god damned nerves... it's like... of course I'm still hung up on the guy... first love.. first... everything.. first person that really looked deep in my eyes that I could look back and not see shame or sarcasm or lies like so. many. other. fucking. people...
i hate people..
bet you wouldn't have guessed that, huh? *wry smile*
I came really close today to ripping a verbal hole in a couple of guys sitting behind me today like I used to do back in high school.. Cause one was whining, who is actually cool but his WHINING now.. GOD!! EVERYONE HAS FUCKING PROBLEMS GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!
And the other one.... the other one... Juno wants to punch him...
I was in the mood today to join him.. -__-
.............
I think I've developed abandonment issues.. O.o
OH DEAR FUCKING GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
whyyy ;A;
But... I got so used to.. having someone... someone to talk to.. someone to hang with.. to smile with... to hold...
i miss being hugged... ~___~ just genuinely and honestly...
ugh..
makes me sick that ive come to..
*sigh*
You know.. I'm usually such an upbeat person..
er.. nowadays..
I wonder how many people realize all the dark thoughts that pass through my subconscious?
heh...
i hate my mind sometimes...
I wonder about my friends sometimes...
things are getting so mix and matched..
I dont know if some are distancing themselves from me..
or me from them..
or both...
ive just been getting weird lately..
Cold by Crossfade
*sigh* But I go up and down.. I just hope it isnt proportioned.. Cause I've been happy as hell... then again, I already had my breakdowns the summer before I started college and last summer..
ugh.. last summer...
maybe I've just grown tired of trying?
maybe it just takes too much to keep working and trying for something you want...
..................
i spaced for a moment of numbness...
i get that alot lately...
deaths and funerals and fucked up people do that to you...
Its weird to remember how sad my life has been up to now... kinda weird.. i was telling a friend about my life and how kids utterly shunned me and I was literally the person you picked on to be cool... (she had a hard time believing, which cheered me) then again that slowed down alot when i finally started ripping verbal holes in people...
i kinda miss that..
being a bitch...
i used to be really good at that..
Shiver by Maroon 5
But now I'm around so many people who don't deserve the bitch in me... makes me kinda sad, but ecstatic because i meet so many wonderful people...
i guess my heart's still broken...
maybe i should cancel..
but i shouldnt run away...
but he's in the military.. and i want him to be mine...
i'll be alone so much...
i hate being alone...
of course im used to it..
but it still hurts..
maybe thats why i feel distance here... im lonely and im thinking its forced due to some circumstances/situations going on.. i dunno..
then again, i wonder how i feel lonely with a guy that hovers so close to me when he's around me that I get claustrophobic... ><
Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye
Next time he starts hovering.. I'll either smack him.. or rip him that verbal hole I keep talking about.. cause i'm on the last straw and im dying to explode...
*sigh*
its cold...
my hands are freezing...
i guess i dont have good circulation...
might not be a good thing...
should be fun to torture a certain person with.. >3
ahem.. yeaaah..
how'd my thoughts turn THAT quick.. damn.. background noise.. ><
im yawning alot...
if i eat some food and drink something, i should revive more or less.. i already know i won't be getting a nap today.. >///>
Then again, maybe... all of this has happened through electronics.. nothing face to face yet since this started....
will it be awkward? will we be slightly uncomfy at first? Or will we just jump each other before the damn door even closes.. >///<
Typical by Tickle Me Pink...
that song makes me sad and laugh at the same time.. cause the dude is calling the chick a whore kinda and that he'd rather sleep alone than be with her...
poor thing..
hmm..
coffee sounds good but my coffee maker is evil at the moment...
no one visits me anymore...
do i bite?
did i do something wrong?
guess i should go visit people...
but i know so many.. makes me stay put...
i dunno..
i just feel out of place...
practically to the point where i almost want to just shake everything off and start over...
i had a core, and with that anchor I reached out to other places and people.. then i lost a piece of that core.. every piece is import-... oh screw it..
im tired of thinking about it.. ~__~
Umm... TV Radio by Mudvayne? I wanna say thats the name.. ><
God I love mudvayne.. even if they do make me depressed sometimes.. they have more music that i can understand...
thats why i like music.. i listen for the words.. if I cant understand the words, like in metal sometimes, or they're talking about pointless retarded stuff that i can't stand, like in a majority of rap and hip hop, I can't do it.. I don't know what they're talking about just by listening so I can't like it really..
And somehow, I wonder what that says about me and foreign music... hmm.. I guess its also the feel of the music...
the constant screaming assaults my ears with violence.. I'm still delving into metal so I haven't reached it yet.. although when im angry or sad I do end up hunting down my music that has lots of screaming...
Hmm.. System of a Down..
I like B.Y.O.B. because it makes me kinda think of the Jousters series.. I keep seeing them dancing in the desert.. except that there were nobles fighting, not the poor...
>< confusion reigns...
ugh.. reign.. that name is gonna taint my mind for a while..
damn ex..
oh well..
*runs hands through hair*
i almost wanna say im spouting useless topics but i think about it and its alot of dark stuff ><
opps.. i was trying to be cheery about this and have fun..
damn..
i wonder if i should just post this to LJ...
hmm..
*pauses to listen to end of song*
so anyway...
I Love You... I'll Kill You by Enigma
That's an interesting song.. Got it from a nice AMV.. I thought the anime was a yuri/shojo-ai but it wasn't..
Yeah.. I like anime..
gosh my throat is sore... too much screaming.. damn roommates tickling me to death on the floor ><
*pauses again to look over stuff*
Hmm.. what to do with myself..
Kinda dont want to do anything..
But I really don't want to talk to anyone right now..
And yet.. I'm typing this for whoever trots by to read? ><
gosh thats.. backwards..
And I just had another thought for things that may happen today...
And I guess I am scared...
But not scared enough to stop...
Doki Doki Waku Waku by whatshisname.. umm.. The japanese voice actor for Honey from Ouran High School Host Club... Even the VA was like.. wtf.. too.. cute.. >A<
hmm..
It makes me feel really bad that the one person I finally end up opening myself up to since... HIM.. isn't in the area.. five hours to get to me...
but it makes me feel.. so. fucking. special. that he's driving 5 hours through traffic he knows he'll hate in a city he's never been in before, in a car he has to rent... just to be with me.... never had that before.. hell, my ex-fiance didn't even want a friend to take him to the bus station.. i made the fucking trip...
i hate that im comparing them...
but i cant help it..
especially with circumstances...
ugh...
Comatose by Skillet...
I like Better Than Drugs really..
*sigh*
But.. I feel so.. special..
I should be happy..
I should be glowing..
I should be sleeping...
GOD.
I hate my brain..
I give my hands and brain free reign (FUCK) and this is what happens of course.. *flails hand*
I feel lonely..
I hate that I feel lonely...
I hate the reason I feel lonely because it makes me feel like shit and other people too probably...
Might as well just go di- SHIT
almost did it again..
no.. i WONT go die somewhere...
because i know people will care..
and im not alone...
but i feel like it..
and i will be happy and excited and so unlonely... and sadly i know im just surrounding myself with one big lie because when its all over with.. I'll be alone again..
Right back where I fucking started..
Loves Me, Loves Me Not by TATU
..... i think he tried to promise me that he wont ever leave me alone but i cut it off.. i had to..
fucking hate promises..
i dont make them anymore and i dont want anyone to make them to me...
because in real life you can promise this and promise that and everything your golden heart can think of...
but it hurts too much to have a promise broken, so its just easier to go around it...
promises are for perfect people, and since humanity is perfect by its many imperfections its not really meant for us...
Five Finger Death Punch with.. Umm.. something that starts with.. uh.. OH! Can't Save Yourself? You? something like that..
no screen on my iPod shuffle.. ;w;
ah the shuffle..
im buying a new mp3 player soon...
this thing was practically forced on me.. i mean, hell, i wont down a free gift but.. i really didnt want it..
but i guess he just really wanted to give me something that i really wanted cause i honestly never want anything...
im a horribly low maintence girlfriend... >< Makes my mom worry about me...
But I'm not quite going to go into that.. it just is as it is...
*sigh* 5:19am..
hooray..
and then i was talking with a dude i know who was talking about punching someone i know because he was being sarcastic...
i told him to get the fuck over it.
-___- crazy little former stalker...
Skindred with.. uh.. *waiting for words* Pressure.. ok, thought so..
I like Skindred.. think I forgot to tell Juno I've been spreading it among my friends back from home more or less. XD lol
*sigh* hmmm
spaced out again for a moment...
no wonder i always seem so happy and hyped up around people at school.. where else can i go away from these horribly depressing thoughts in my head? otherwise i go insane.. literally..
*deletes last bit of stuff* That doesn't need to be said..
Empty Walls by Serj something.. tired..
I kinda like that song... Makes me think of my high school..
ugh.. WHY are my thoughts going that way? ><
Ok.. I need something cheery to talk about thats not sad or perverted...
After this song goes off maybe...
shoulda put more happy music on my iPod.. DAMN
uhhh
uhhhhhhhh
Oh yeah.. I need to take the finished pictures of my sculpture.. havent said much else about it since the eyes and mouth werent finished and my C went to a D... mother fucker.. -___-
now im afraid to bake her because her nice little details seem to have melded away.. ;w;
grrrrr..
ummm...
hmmm....
music? XD
The Sorrowful Waltz song from the Gundam Wing Movie.. makes me wanna draw mechas.. even though I'd probably suck at it..
and negative thoughts like that = fail.. ><
MUST be more positive but...
*sigh*
............
*skips it*
*skips epic japanese Sanctuary theme*
*skips Foo's theme from Cowboy Bebop*
........
*skips Thousand Foot Krutch's Move*
*skips Superchick's One Girl Revolution*
*skips Kelly Clarkson's Addicted*
........
*settles on Dans Va Traie by Yelle*
I'm mad that I knew how to spell that french song without looking it up...
I'm kinda mad that i like her music when her videos seriously weird me out..
I mean.. really.. candystrip jumpsuit?
Think of the yellow suit from Kill Bill Vol. 1 (awesome fucking movie).. now make it candy caned striped.. with stiletto heels.. ><
or were they platforms.. O.o
I dont really know shoes.. i'm not a really feminine girl.. ^^;
I think I'll lay down for half an hour...
cya. thanks to whoever decides to read this long ass stuff..
comment if you dare...
Nobody by Skindred.. This, coupled with No World for Tomorrow by Coheed and Cambria.. makes for a couple of kick assed pictures...
Heh heh.. Why would Happy? be the first thing I hear at the moment... But I love this song.. It's my theme song, although not much anymore...
When I was alone and angry, it spoke of my angst... Cause I really did wonder if how those people treated me really did make them happy or whatever.. Then Breathe Into Me became my theme after something else I don't really remember cause it was so brief.. Oh loneliness..
Wtf O.o Happy just got cut off! ;A; And switched to teh music box version of Adieu from Cowboy Bebop.... the hell?
*sigh* Anyways.. I turned the TV off, cause I don't feel like watching Robot Chicken..
gee, this is a quiet part of the net..
And I'm wondering if I should go ahead and try and scan pictures at school tomorrow..
The One, by Meja now... And yes, I'm listing songs as they play through the shuffle..
Hmm.. New boyfriend, more or less, coming to visit me tomorr-... today... >///> I'm excited but I'm kinda too sleepy to really be up and abo-.. well not really sleepy.. I'm all wound up..
Didn't help that my two room mates just totally attacked me, pinned me to the floor, and tickled the hell out of me... Never really screamed so loud in a long while.. Yet.. >3
And there go some thoughts of attacking a certain person who's been driving me up a wall lately and vice versa... heh heh heh...
Gosh, I should feel horrible but I'm all excited instead.. Work 'em over with thoughts until everything unleashes physically... *evil perverted laugh* This should be fun... Especially since I make him feel easy~
Hmm.. I'm gonna veer away from this thought process before I start thinking things thats gonna make me contact him and proceed with torture... Torture that will be avenged later today I once again realize..............
eh heh heh heh heh heh >D
Feels So Good by Sonique
Low battery on my iPod.. hope i remember to plug it up to charge while I get ready for school...
I'm so tired by now I'm trembling, but its too late to sleep now... I'll oversleep.. ;A;
DO. NOT. WANT. I love getting to class on time, it means I don't miss anything! XD
Someone told me that my personal definition of a troll should go up in urban dictionary or whatever..I dunno.. I just don't like the trolling.. ~__~ but thats internet stuff I don't bother and tend to avoid. The craziness gets on my everlasting nerve...
I'm still waiting to see if any trolls jump me but whatever...
Hmmm..
I more or less had a... strange day..
Woke up too early... woke up an hour late.. opted to take the next bus since I wanted to eat breakfast... breakfast is a good thing as well as food in general.. I DO NOT like passing out.. ;w;
Hmm.. Coheed and Cambria song that I can't quite remember the name of.. I think Radio Bye Bye...
I like the No World For Tomorrow album.. it makes for a good sound track to think for my story that I've worked on since high school... actually, since middle school since I've had Jamina since maybe... 7th grade?
IM SO FUCKING GLAD that I'm drawing again! I hit SUCH a block.. Not as bad one I dare not mention, because I was soooo depressed and sad and emotional and all sorts of shit.. When I have an art block its like I start PMSing I swear, cause I don't do that in normal circumstances.. >< dear god.. Makes me wanna kill myself..
Speaking of which, that thought came into my mind for a split second while I was walking to the station from school... Scared the shit out of me, I almost fell. ><
Yeah.. Radio Bye bye...
But I guess God does still love me.. I guess I keep having footprint moments of doubt where i only see one set of prints..
I was feeling lonely and aggravated and I've had a growing feeling of being out of place more and more... it's worrying me... But I say God still loves me because a friend of mine just... appeared out of nowhere. I know he didn't see me before hand cause I walked and he just came down stairs and made a b-line.. O.o
And then I just.. opened up..
I tried to voice what was bothering me, but like 5 different things tried to come out of my mouth at once and I gave up...
He told me that it doesn't matter how I feel, it's all about how I look. If I look good I should be happy no matter what. XD He was kidding but serious at the same time.
He said he cared too...
It was sweet..
I was just grateful for being hugged finally.. We kinda looked like a couple for a while cause he was even holding my hand with laced fingers until he started talking about his boyfriend.. XD;
But he talked to me and made me smile.. I felt alot better...
Then my roommate talked to me for a while and went to Walmart with me and it was good..
Then I was putting stuff away and my other room mate came home and i hung out there with them... It was fun, despite the near death tickling.. ><
Stuttering by Benjamin's Brother.
God, that song is the truth... sadly for several moments in my life...
sigh...
men..
i wonder sometimes.. -__-
Waiting for someone to make me stop stuttering...
he's coming today actually...
makes me feel weird that I feel like I'm "importing" someone from somewhere... just to have someone who really cares in the romantic fashion.. and sticks to it...
*sigh* Can't a girl just be loved?
Or am I just too fucked up by now...
Btw, I had an argument with my ex today... He did some name analyzer thing but instead of his name he put "general"... So I picked at him a little and he got all sensitive and pulling an attitude and I'm like.. wtf?
Basically stuck him in a place..
God dammit.. More Than A Memory by Hoobastank..
Which is so god damned true it's getting on my god damned nerves... it's like... of course I'm still hung up on the guy... first love.. first... everything.. first person that really looked deep in my eyes that I could look back and not see shame or sarcasm or lies like so. many. other. fucking. people...
i hate people..
bet you wouldn't have guessed that, huh? *wry smile*
I came really close today to ripping a verbal hole in a couple of guys sitting behind me today like I used to do back in high school.. Cause one was whining, who is actually cool but his WHINING now.. GOD!! EVERYONE HAS FUCKING PROBLEMS GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!
And the other one.... the other one... Juno wants to punch him...
I was in the mood today to join him.. -__-
.............
I think I've developed abandonment issues.. O.o
OH DEAR FUCKING GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
whyyy ;A;
But... I got so used to.. having someone... someone to talk to.. someone to hang with.. to smile with... to hold...
i miss being hugged... ~___~ just genuinely and honestly...
ugh..
makes me sick that ive come to..
*sigh*
You know.. I'm usually such an upbeat person..
er.. nowadays..
I wonder how many people realize all the dark thoughts that pass through my subconscious?
heh...
i hate my mind sometimes...
I wonder about my friends sometimes...
things are getting so mix and matched..
I dont know if some are distancing themselves from me..
or me from them..
or both...
ive just been getting weird lately..
Cold by Crossfade
*sigh* But I go up and down.. I just hope it isnt proportioned.. Cause I've been happy as hell... then again, I already had my breakdowns the summer before I started college and last summer..
ugh.. last summer...
maybe I've just grown tired of trying?
maybe it just takes too much to keep working and trying for something you want...
..................
i spaced for a moment of numbness...
i get that alot lately...
deaths and funerals and fucked up people do that to you...
Its weird to remember how sad my life has been up to now... kinda weird.. i was telling a friend about my life and how kids utterly shunned me and I was literally the person you picked on to be cool... (she had a hard time believing, which cheered me) then again that slowed down alot when i finally started ripping verbal holes in people...
i kinda miss that..
being a bitch...
i used to be really good at that..
Shiver by Maroon 5
But now I'm around so many people who don't deserve the bitch in me... makes me kinda sad, but ecstatic because i meet so many wonderful people...
i guess my heart's still broken...
maybe i should cancel..
but i shouldnt run away...
but he's in the military.. and i want him to be mine...
i'll be alone so much...
i hate being alone...
of course im used to it..
but it still hurts..
maybe thats why i feel distance here... im lonely and im thinking its forced due to some circumstances/situations going on.. i dunno..
then again, i wonder how i feel lonely with a guy that hovers so close to me when he's around me that I get claustrophobic... ><
Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye
Next time he starts hovering.. I'll either smack him.. or rip him that verbal hole I keep talking about.. cause i'm on the last straw and im dying to explode...
*sigh*
its cold...
my hands are freezing...
i guess i dont have good circulation...
might not be a good thing...
should be fun to torture a certain person with.. >3
ahem.. yeaaah..
how'd my thoughts turn THAT quick.. damn.. background noise.. ><
im yawning alot...
if i eat some food and drink something, i should revive more or less.. i already know i won't be getting a nap today.. >///>
Then again, maybe... all of this has happened through electronics.. nothing face to face yet since this started....
will it be awkward? will we be slightly uncomfy at first? Or will we just jump each other before the damn door even closes.. >///<
Typical by Tickle Me Pink...
that song makes me sad and laugh at the same time.. cause the dude is calling the chick a whore kinda and that he'd rather sleep alone than be with her...
poor thing..
hmm..
coffee sounds good but my coffee maker is evil at the moment...
no one visits me anymore...
do i bite?
did i do something wrong?
guess i should go visit people...
but i know so many.. makes me stay put...
i dunno..
i just feel out of place...
practically to the point where i almost want to just shake everything off and start over...
i had a core, and with that anchor I reached out to other places and people.. then i lost a piece of that core.. every piece is import-... oh screw it..
im tired of thinking about it.. ~__~
Umm... TV Radio by Mudvayne? I wanna say thats the name.. ><
God I love mudvayne.. even if they do make me depressed sometimes.. they have more music that i can understand...
thats why i like music.. i listen for the words.. if I cant understand the words, like in metal sometimes, or they're talking about pointless retarded stuff that i can't stand, like in a majority of rap and hip hop, I can't do it.. I don't know what they're talking about just by listening so I can't like it really..
And somehow, I wonder what that says about me and foreign music... hmm.. I guess its also the feel of the music...
the constant screaming assaults my ears with violence.. I'm still delving into metal so I haven't reached it yet.. although when im angry or sad I do end up hunting down my music that has lots of screaming...
Hmm.. System of a Down..
I like B.Y.O.B. because it makes me kinda think of the Jousters series.. I keep seeing them dancing in the desert.. except that there were nobles fighting, not the poor...
>< confusion reigns...
ugh.. reign.. that name is gonna taint my mind for a while..
damn ex..
oh well..
*runs hands through hair*
i almost wanna say im spouting useless topics but i think about it and its alot of dark stuff ><
opps.. i was trying to be cheery about this and have fun..
damn..
i wonder if i should just post this to LJ...
hmm..
*pauses to listen to end of song*
so anyway...
I Love You... I'll Kill You by Enigma
That's an interesting song.. Got it from a nice AMV.. I thought the anime was a yuri/shojo-ai but it wasn't..
Yeah.. I like anime..
gosh my throat is sore... too much screaming.. damn roommates tickling me to death on the floor ><
*pauses again to look over stuff*
Hmm.. what to do with myself..
Kinda dont want to do anything..
But I really don't want to talk to anyone right now..
And yet.. I'm typing this for whoever trots by to read? ><
gosh thats.. backwards..
And I just had another thought for things that may happen today...
And I guess I am scared...
But not scared enough to stop...
Doki Doki Waku Waku by whatshisname.. umm.. The japanese voice actor for Honey from Ouran High School Host Club... Even the VA was like.. wtf.. too.. cute.. >A<
hmm..
It makes me feel really bad that the one person I finally end up opening myself up to since... HIM.. isn't in the area.. five hours to get to me...
but it makes me feel.. so. fucking. special. that he's driving 5 hours through traffic he knows he'll hate in a city he's never been in before, in a car he has to rent... just to be with me.... never had that before.. hell, my ex-fiance didn't even want a friend to take him to the bus station.. i made the fucking trip...
i hate that im comparing them...
but i cant help it..
especially with circumstances...
ugh...
Comatose by Skillet...
I like Better Than Drugs really..
*sigh*
But.. I feel so.. special..
I should be happy..
I should be glowing..
I should be sleeping...
GOD.
I hate my brain..
I give my hands and brain free reign (FUCK) and this is what happens of course.. *flails hand*
I feel lonely..
I hate that I feel lonely...
I hate the reason I feel lonely because it makes me feel like shit and other people too probably...
Might as well just go di- SHIT
almost did it again..
no.. i WONT go die somewhere...
because i know people will care..
and im not alone...
but i feel like it..
and i will be happy and excited and so unlonely... and sadly i know im just surrounding myself with one big lie because when its all over with.. I'll be alone again..
Right back where I fucking started..
Loves Me, Loves Me Not by TATU
..... i think he tried to promise me that he wont ever leave me alone but i cut it off.. i had to..
fucking hate promises..
i dont make them anymore and i dont want anyone to make them to me...
because in real life you can promise this and promise that and everything your golden heart can think of...
but it hurts too much to have a promise broken, so its just easier to go around it...
promises are for perfect people, and since humanity is perfect by its many imperfections its not really meant for us...
Five Finger Death Punch with.. Umm.. something that starts with.. uh.. OH! Can't Save Yourself? You? something like that..
no screen on my iPod shuffle.. ;w;
ah the shuffle..
im buying a new mp3 player soon...
this thing was practically forced on me.. i mean, hell, i wont down a free gift but.. i really didnt want it..
but i guess he just really wanted to give me something that i really wanted cause i honestly never want anything...
im a horribly low maintence girlfriend... >< Makes my mom worry about me...
But I'm not quite going to go into that.. it just is as it is...
*sigh* 5:19am..
hooray..
and then i was talking with a dude i know who was talking about punching someone i know because he was being sarcastic...
i told him to get the fuck over it.
-___- crazy little former stalker...
Skindred with.. uh.. *waiting for words* Pressure.. ok, thought so..
I like Skindred.. think I forgot to tell Juno I've been spreading it among my friends back from home more or less. XD lol
*sigh* hmmm
spaced out again for a moment...
no wonder i always seem so happy and hyped up around people at school.. where else can i go away from these horribly depressing thoughts in my head? otherwise i go insane.. literally..
*deletes last bit of stuff* That doesn't need to be said..
Empty Walls by Serj something.. tired..
I kinda like that song... Makes me think of my high school..
ugh.. WHY are my thoughts going that way? ><
Ok.. I need something cheery to talk about thats not sad or perverted...
After this song goes off maybe...
shoulda put more happy music on my iPod.. DAMN
uhhh
uhhhhhhhh
Oh yeah.. I need to take the finished pictures of my sculpture.. havent said much else about it since the eyes and mouth werent finished and my C went to a D... mother fucker.. -___-
now im afraid to bake her because her nice little details seem to have melded away.. ;w;
grrrrr..
ummm...
hmmm....
music? XD
The Sorrowful Waltz song from the Gundam Wing Movie.. makes me wanna draw mechas.. even though I'd probably suck at it..
and negative thoughts like that = fail.. ><
MUST be more positive but...
*sigh*
............
*skips it*
*skips epic japanese Sanctuary theme*
*skips Foo's theme from Cowboy Bebop*
........
*skips Thousand Foot Krutch's Move*
*skips Superchick's One Girl Revolution*
*skips Kelly Clarkson's Addicted*
........
*settles on Dans Va Traie by Yelle*
I'm mad that I knew how to spell that french song without looking it up...
I'm kinda mad that i like her music when her videos seriously weird me out..
I mean.. really.. candystrip jumpsuit?
Think of the yellow suit from Kill Bill Vol. 1 (awesome fucking movie).. now make it candy caned striped.. with stiletto heels.. ><
or were they platforms.. O.o
I dont really know shoes.. i'm not a really feminine girl.. ^^;
I think I'll lay down for half an hour...
cya. thanks to whoever decides to read this long ass stuff..
comment if you dare...
Nobody by Skindred.. This, coupled with No World for Tomorrow by Coheed and Cambria.. makes for a couple of kick assed pictures...