less than a week??
July 22, 2004 • Thursday
less than a week??
ive never dealt with death, so i update all the time, jus to voice what im going through....
ive been givin friends updates all week, through text messages.....
but.... so as of today, they Uped his Meds, so he is basically... hmm.... asleep.... until he passes away... he hasnt tried to get up, he hasnt asked for food or something to drink... as a matter of a fact, he cant even talk anymore, he tries.... but no... its jus noise... and his eyes.. omg.... they are like barley opened at ALL. i didnt kno it was this bad....
i went to the giants game today, and got super sun burned... OMG! im like purple.. =o\
when i came home, finally tonight around 830 i got to talk to him.... my mom said he will be this way now.... sleeping all the time...
remember how he kept askin to go to the bathroom, theres nothing inside him.... because one of his meds, they have to give it to him through his butt.... the nurse said he is empty, and he kept insisting that he had to go, because he knew it was normal to go everyday....
and all along we were getting frustrated at him "games" he was playing when he wouldnt take a dump in the disposiable underwear... i understand about him dying with diginity, i wouldnt wanna crap all over myself either...
ok, soo... when his pee comes out (he has a pee bag) its not yellow.. its full on RED.... bloody liquid that smells really bad, believe me i kno, because i drained that thing quite a few times.
soo the organs and his kidneys are basically shut down now, and his breathing... it sounds like he is sleeping, and breathing super heavy, even when he is awake....and...soo the nurses said dont offer him food, dont offer him drinks, dont ask if he needs to go to the bathroom. because nothing is coming out... and if you give him stuff, this liquid stuff will bubble in his throat or something, and its called the "gurgle of death" or something, and it sounds really creepy and that means his last day is basically here.
they also said, if he refuses to go to the bathroom.... and he realizes he CANT then he will jus give up. he is young and strong so he COULD hold on longer, but now he sees no point, so he will jus give up.
the thing is.. he ISNT happy....
so i guess thats my moms whole deal... she agrees with the doctors, and they think this is the best way.
but then, lack of sleep from my mom and i....brings really grouchy people! nana has been gettin her feelings hurt left and right, and she has been super pissed off at my mom... and michael wants to stay with nana, but papa is bound to go get drunk soon, and nana is stressed. they let him do whatever he wants, all he does is play computer games all day, and no one watches him or spends time with him.... and so the social worker and my mom thought he needed to stay with Anita... since she is home all day raising her baby... and they go do things, and live a normal loving life....
so michael is all mad... and nana is mad because my mom doesnt want him there... drama.
and everyone is upset..
i jus FINALLY talked to gina i thought she was avoiding me... i asked robert... "where is she" he said "dying her hair" "well i thought she was avoiding me, ive been emailing her, and textin her, and i havent heard anything back from her... and you guys are leavin on ur vacation, and HE wont be here when you get back" then she comes to the computer, and asks how bad, and how long does he have and i tell her a few quick details... she said she would be right over after she rinses her hair.... finally some one.... will come be there for me.. ive only been hinting and begging for a few days.... when she said she would be right over, i started BAWLING...
i really wanna tell him sum things, me and funk talked a LOT last night... but i feel sooo weird talking to someone who is sleeping.... i duno....
i wanna tell him how much i love him and what a good dad he has been... he is so much better than most my friends dads.... goodness.
9:11 PM
less than a week??
ive never dealt with death, so i update all the time, jus to voice what im going through....
ive been givin friends updates all week, through text messages.....
but.... so as of today, they Uped his Meds, so he is basically... hmm.... asleep.... until he passes away... he hasnt tried to get up, he hasnt asked for food or something to drink... as a matter of a fact, he cant even talk anymore, he tries.... but no... its jus noise... and his eyes.. omg.... they are like barley opened at ALL. i didnt kno it was this bad....
i went to the giants game today, and got super sun burned... OMG! im like purple.. =o\
when i came home, finally tonight around 830 i got to talk to him.... my mom said he will be this way now.... sleeping all the time...
remember how he kept askin to go to the bathroom, theres nothing inside him.... because one of his meds, they have to give it to him through his butt.... the nurse said he is empty, and he kept insisting that he had to go, because he knew it was normal to go everyday....
and all along we were getting frustrated at him "games" he was playing when he wouldnt take a dump in the disposiable underwear... i understand about him dying with diginity, i wouldnt wanna crap all over myself either...
ok, soo... when his pee comes out (he has a pee bag) its not yellow.. its full on RED.... bloody liquid that smells really bad, believe me i kno, because i drained that thing quite a few times.
soo the organs and his kidneys are basically shut down now, and his breathing... it sounds like he is sleeping, and breathing super heavy, even when he is awake....and...soo the nurses said dont offer him food, dont offer him drinks, dont ask if he needs to go to the bathroom. because nothing is coming out... and if you give him stuff, this liquid stuff will bubble in his throat or something, and its called the "gurgle of death" or something, and it sounds really creepy and that means his last day is basically here.
they also said, if he refuses to go to the bathroom.... and he realizes he CANT then he will jus give up. he is young and strong so he COULD hold on longer, but now he sees no point, so he will jus give up.
the thing is.. he ISNT happy....
so i guess thats my moms whole deal... she agrees with the doctors, and they think this is the best way.
but then, lack of sleep from my mom and i....brings really grouchy people! nana has been gettin her feelings hurt left and right, and she has been super pissed off at my mom... and michael wants to stay with nana, but papa is bound to go get drunk soon, and nana is stressed. they let him do whatever he wants, all he does is play computer games all day, and no one watches him or spends time with him.... and so the social worker and my mom thought he needed to stay with Anita... since she is home all day raising her baby... and they go do things, and live a normal loving life....
so michael is all mad... and nana is mad because my mom doesnt want him there... drama.
and everyone is upset..
i jus FINALLY talked to gina i thought she was avoiding me... i asked robert... "where is she" he said "dying her hair" "well i thought she was avoiding me, ive been emailing her, and textin her, and i havent heard anything back from her... and you guys are leavin on ur vacation, and HE wont be here when you get back" then she comes to the computer, and asks how bad, and how long does he have and i tell her a few quick details... she said she would be right over after she rinses her hair.... finally some one.... will come be there for me.. ive only been hinting and begging for a few days.... when she said she would be right over, i started BAWLING...
i really wanna tell him sum things, me and funk talked a LOT last night... but i feel sooo weird talking to someone who is sleeping.... i duno....
i wanna tell him how much i love him and what a good dad he has been... he is so much better than most my friends dads.... goodness.
9:11 PM