Farewell 'D'
Six or seven years ago my Uncle Lawrence passed away. To this day i am not really sure how he was related to our family, I just know that he was a wonderful person with an amazing smile that would brighten anyone's day. He and my dad's mom had started dating a few years before that. It was cute, two 80 year old people coming together so late in life and having just a wonderful time with it. When Uncle Lawrence passed the entire family was saddened because an inspiring person in our lives had moved on. My grandmother 'D' never recovered. SInce then you could always sense the sadness around 'D'. Her smile was just a little smaller, her laughs a little shorter and quieter, her eyes a little duller.
Last night my parents shut off her feeding tube and pacemaker, moved her to a quiet room, called hospice and began the wait.
For the past two years she had been fading faster and faster. Her mind was deteriorating, she couldn't remember people that had come into her life recently like her great-grandchildren. The first day i noticed this, when she asked who Jadyn was three times in a 20 minute visit my heart just broke. Her health was holding on until recently. Then she went into the hospital with Pneumonia. A few months later a stroke left her incapacitated. Since then she has bounced from hospital to life care facility. I got a call from Jen while i was in Tunica that D had gone back into the hospital. I tried to reach my parents but played phone tag until my cell phone died. Last night when i got back i checked my messages and found out D had another stroke on the other side of her body. She was in real bad shape.
This morning i got a late jump on work. Just slow moving after a long trip. I called my Dad on my way to take Jadyn to school and he filled me in on everything and then told me that they had turned everything off and that her passing was imminent. My eyes starting watering up. Here i was talking to a man that just had to give the ok to shut off all the machines so his mom could die. and it was my dad. i got the room number so i could stop by before going to work. i called work to tell them i would be later and couldn't even leave the message.
i was bawling.
my daughter looks at me all worried and says "what's wrong daddy? Daddy, what's wrong". i try to gain my composure for her but i just can't. I finally choked out that Grandpa's mommy was very sick. She asked "D?". i told her yes between sobs. She looked at me and said "Daddy, you don't have to cry, she is going to heaven, she is going to be ok". I told her i knew that but i was going to miss her. "It's ok daddy, you get to see her again". "They don't have birthdays in Heaven you know".
From the mouth of babes.
My daughter never ceases to amaze me. Here i was, a 32 year old man getting the strength and support i needed from a 5yr old girl. They were all things i knew already, but to hear it come from her was truly uplifting. I was able to regroup and be there for my parents as they were going through this difficult time.
I left there a few hours ago, my grandmother looks peaceful, the best she has actually looked in a few months. All the cords are gone except for the oxygen, no IV's, no feeding tube, no bladder sac. My parents were there, holding up ok. My dad was hanging in there. The doctor came by and said that it would likely be less than 9 hours from now, there were actually suprised she had stabilized this long. Now we just wait.
But my daughter....my daughter.... has given me the strength to do so.