"Someone up there must hate me..." :(
::sigh::
Yeah, today's that Thursday... yah know like all Thursdays... except a Thursday you wish you could choke on a piece of lettuce and die. Yeah... THOSE Thursdays. v__v I think... honestly that the big guy ::points up to the sky:: Yeah him... >_> well, I think he set out my fate to become a blind asian woman who lives in a box. That might sound funny... but to me it means.. "Yeah you suck" T_T Well ya know what! I think... I hate myself. So.. HA! In your face god. T__T
I can't even call Erik right now cause my real Mom like watches the limit of my phone use. Just like my stepmom. Also... I dunno if things will just miraciously get better if I talk to him when I'm like this. All I'll do is rant. Rant about how my damn eyes are getting worse or that my hearing sucks.. or.. or that I just want to disappear. None of that is easily said for me in spoken words, none of it. I'm so angry... I don't know why. And even though I confessed to Erik about my feelings on the relationship between him and a close friend... I still get this feeling in my heart which hurts when I know he and I can't see each other as much as every other couple out there can. Maybe I'm just jealous, maybe... I can't admit I'm the wrong one or that I don't know what love is about, but I am not just going to stand around and watch my heart tear at itself. Gosh, I dun even think this is emo.. this is like pent up feelings. I dunno.
Is there a bright side right now? I think the only bright side is that I know... he loves me. Why can't that be enough... why can't I just love him and have him love me in return? Missing him, wishing he'd be there, it's all like my mind is starting to eat at my heart just so it'll feel better. It's like... "without him that's all you can do cause he's your everything". Erik is my everything. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so lonely now-a-days. Stupid romantic love songs come on the radio.. and I feel my heart grow heavy. Same with movies, manga and books. It's some kind of love sickness. ::bangs head on desk:: And that is all for Jamie's sad sad entry.. good night folks. ::raises hand in the air and waves::
-Jamie-
Yeah, today's that Thursday... yah know like all Thursdays... except a Thursday you wish you could choke on a piece of lettuce and die. Yeah... THOSE Thursdays. v__v I think... honestly that the big guy ::points up to the sky:: Yeah him... >_> well, I think he set out my fate to become a blind asian woman who lives in a box. That might sound funny... but to me it means.. "Yeah you suck" T_T Well ya know what! I think... I hate myself. So.. HA! In your face god. T__T
I can't even call Erik right now cause my real Mom like watches the limit of my phone use. Just like my stepmom. Also... I dunno if things will just miraciously get better if I talk to him when I'm like this. All I'll do is rant. Rant about how my damn eyes are getting worse or that my hearing sucks.. or.. or that I just want to disappear. None of that is easily said for me in spoken words, none of it. I'm so angry... I don't know why. And even though I confessed to Erik about my feelings on the relationship between him and a close friend... I still get this feeling in my heart which hurts when I know he and I can't see each other as much as every other couple out there can. Maybe I'm just jealous, maybe... I can't admit I'm the wrong one or that I don't know what love is about, but I am not just going to stand around and watch my heart tear at itself. Gosh, I dun even think this is emo.. this is like pent up feelings. I dunno.
Is there a bright side right now? I think the only bright side is that I know... he loves me. Why can't that be enough... why can't I just love him and have him love me in return? Missing him, wishing he'd be there, it's all like my mind is starting to eat at my heart just so it'll feel better. It's like... "without him that's all you can do cause he's your everything". Erik is my everything. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so lonely now-a-days. Stupid romantic love songs come on the radio.. and I feel my heart grow heavy. Same with movies, manga and books. It's some kind of love sickness. ::bangs head on desk:: And that is all for Jamie's sad sad entry.. good night folks. ::raises hand in the air and waves::
-Jamie-