(no subject)
So the bar's just a few short days away - something that I've been dreading for the past four years of my life is finally here. I'm sort of in a state of denial about the whole thing. I spent so much time fretting about it that I worried myself sick. I can't think, let alone memorize the law, when I'm really stressed out. So I've adopted the mindset that I couldn't care less about the end-result. It's complete and utter bullshit, but this method seems to have worked for me in the past. Despite the fact that I studied and frequented class less during my last semesters in undergraduate and law school, my grades were far superior to the grades I'd customarily received; I attribute said grades to my being past all caring about school.
Maybe I'm making excuses for my inability to study for long periods of time - I probably am - but I'm calm, and frankly I've come to realize that my peace of mind is more important to me than passing the bar. Things got pretty scary there for a while. I was so overwhelmed by my belief that I would fail the bar that I had one mental breakdown after another. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by pretty understanding people, but the fact of the matter is that *nobody* understands just how hard this really is unless he's in the thick of it. Nobody.
Unless you've had the misfortune of spending three miserable years of your life, on top of the years you'd already invested in undergrad, studying a complex subject that never fails to confuse; until you've had to repeatedly struggle with failure, your self-esteem taking so many blows that it's become practically nonexistent; unless you've had to study for two harrowing months for an 18-hour exam, you don't understand and frankly you never will.
So do me a favor everybody: Don't ask me how I think I did, okay? Because I don't want to think about this until I have to.
Maybe I'm making excuses for my inability to study for long periods of time - I probably am - but I'm calm, and frankly I've come to realize that my peace of mind is more important to me than passing the bar. Things got pretty scary there for a while. I was so overwhelmed by my belief that I would fail the bar that I had one mental breakdown after another. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by pretty understanding people, but the fact of the matter is that *nobody* understands just how hard this really is unless he's in the thick of it. Nobody.
Unless you've had the misfortune of spending three miserable years of your life, on top of the years you'd already invested in undergrad, studying a complex subject that never fails to confuse; until you've had to repeatedly struggle with failure, your self-esteem taking so many blows that it's become practically nonexistent; unless you've had to study for two harrowing months for an 18-hour exam, you don't understand and frankly you never will.
So do me a favor everybody: Don't ask me how I think I did, okay? Because I don't want to think about this until I have to.