(no subject)
I am at my parents now. Living here, for a few weeks, at least. I had a place in Glasgow since November, and although only the last two months of that were really good, I feel like I'm finally figuring out how to just exist where ever I am. I'm still preoccupied with some things that I just need to be patient about, but I think I'm learning, anyway.
I'm 22 now, I don't know if I've updated here since my birthday. I'm getting into my 20's properly now, and I still don't feel like I'm gaining any momentum towards really being the kind of person I'm smart enough to realize I should be. I've sustained myself mostly on thinking I am going to be a creative person, but I haven't done anything creative in more than 6 months. Also, a lot of the time the things I used to make seems really frivolous, like they're just the waste products of my ego. I'm not trying to say I have given up on any of this - I'm still enrolled in a film degree, of which I just finished first year and didn't fuck up. I enjoyed it, too. I'll be back next year.
My interior arrogance about how much more clearly I see myself and the things around me than other people I meet is becoming more and more of a crutch. I think continuing on this path is how a life like mine gets wasted, and never really turns around. I'm not entirely sure what criteria I am looking to fill that will make me satisfied, but it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything with my life. I have things in it which make me happy, and I'm not really that often bored (I have to fight urges to do dumb shit all the time), but it isn't enough. I need to start putting something into practice. I'm not bored, but I'm not excited, and I'm not particularly proud of myself.
I've always talked like this. Maybe it is how I will always talk about myself. I've still got a lot to look forward to, at least. I just want to make sure most of it actually happens.
Ha ha, oh fuck it. I'm fine. I just need to get off my ass.
for reading it, many thank
I'm 22 now, I don't know if I've updated here since my birthday. I'm getting into my 20's properly now, and I still don't feel like I'm gaining any momentum towards really being the kind of person I'm smart enough to realize I should be. I've sustained myself mostly on thinking I am going to be a creative person, but I haven't done anything creative in more than 6 months. Also, a lot of the time the things I used to make seems really frivolous, like they're just the waste products of my ego. I'm not trying to say I have given up on any of this - I'm still enrolled in a film degree, of which I just finished first year and didn't fuck up. I enjoyed it, too. I'll be back next year.
My interior arrogance about how much more clearly I see myself and the things around me than other people I meet is becoming more and more of a crutch. I think continuing on this path is how a life like mine gets wasted, and never really turns around. I'm not entirely sure what criteria I am looking to fill that will make me satisfied, but it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything with my life. I have things in it which make me happy, and I'm not really that often bored (I have to fight urges to do dumb shit all the time), but it isn't enough. I need to start putting something into practice. I'm not bored, but I'm not excited, and I'm not particularly proud of myself.
I've always talked like this. Maybe it is how I will always talk about myself. I've still got a lot to look forward to, at least. I just want to make sure most of it actually happens.
Ha ha, oh fuck it. I'm fine. I just need to get off my ass.
for reading it, many thank