Story... Regret
The last time that I wrote I said that I was going to put stories into DA... well I don't have the account quite yet so I am going to put one of my first stories here on LJ... it is a bit long but it is a "short story" I juss wanted to post it somewhere.. If you want to read it and comment, please to so and give me some feedback on how I can make my writing better... thanks!
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Have you ever experienced a life or death situation? A time when you had to make a split second decision? A time where you really regretted that decision? I sadly say I have... this is my story.
It was the night before the forth of July three years ago. My brother, my father, my mother, and I were on my grandfather's farm in Tennessee. We had juss gotten back from shooting off fireworks that my brother and I had been able to buy with chore money we had saved willingly for about three months. While we were shooting off the fireworks, my brother and I were constantly arguing about stupid things like who gets to light the fuse on each one. It was very sad because we ended up getting into a hardcore wrestling match. " Stop it you two," my dad called out in a calm yet harsh voice. We stopped, no questions asked. My dad was a very sensitive and caring man who was about 5'9 with short brown hair and blue eyes. I got his genes. He is, however, not someone you would want to mess with despite his niceness because when he does get mad, everyone knows. Of course when my brother and I got off of each other we exchanged some words that were very uncalled for. This was something I never thought I would ever regret. After this fiasco, we all went back to the old, red brick country house that my grandfather used to live in and went straight to bed.
The next day, just to smooth things out with my brother, I came up with the idea of going to the river about a mile down a steep rocky hill behind the house. When we got there, we noticed a tire swing that went over the river. We thought this was the coolest thing in the world. Sadly for me I couldn't swim. It really sucked because when I saw my brother get on the swing I wanted so bad to do the same. I just kind of wished. I sat and watched my brother swing higher and higher until he got over the river. Thats when it happend. My fear was so strong I could not breath, couldn't speak. The only thing that was coming out were wimpers that not even I could tell what I was trying to say. As my brother was about to let go, I saw a small piece of drift wood coming down the river. By the time I could squeek out, " Ryan, look out!," it was too late. He had let go of the swing a little too late and came down on top of the drift wood and hit his head. " Ryan!," I yelled with my voice full of horror. He was still alive trying to swim, but his neck was badly cut. But wait, there was something else wrong. He was completely opposite of me in every way, including the fact that he was an excellent swimmer. But for some reason, he couldn't stay above the water. Sadly, my brother had both his injury and the strong current keeping him from being able to swim. We never even really thought about the current. I sat there and watched pop in and out of the water like a fishing bobber. I couldn't move, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't swim. I just stood there completely motionless as I watched my brother drown right in front of my eyes. Should I jump in and try to save him? If I did would I be able to help him by pulling him out? These questions were running through my mind in the thirty seconds that my brother was able to fight for his life. I was too far from the house to try to go back. I could hear my brother constantly yelling to me, " Nathan help me, please, help me!" I was terrified. I can't believe I just sat there and watched my brother just lose his life. I watched him down to the last second when the blood -filled muddy, cold hearted water grasped him for the last time and took him under for good. "Oh my God, oh my God, I cried."
This was an incident that happened three years ago. After that day, I remember for months on in when Ryan would come to me in my dreams telling me that I hated him, that I didn't try to save him. The truth is, it's true. I didn't try and it is all my fault that he is gone. In that split second situation, it was either my life or his, what was I to do.. .I did the wrong thing. I let my brother drown and I watched the whole time! I can never forgive myself for doing that... I loved him so much despite everything we argued about.
After that day, everything changed for me. I was so heartbroken, ashamed, and distressed that I was constantly trying to take my own life so that I could be with Ryan again. It never worked. I was too much of a sissy to do anything drastic. Everyone told me that he went to a better place and that I would see him again. But I believe that I don't deserve to see him again... I am going to the deepest and darkest pits of hell for just watching my brothers life be ripped apart by something that I could have prevented. It was all my idea to go to the river. I saw how bad the river was, but I still let him go and swing. I deserved to die then and I still do to this day, three years later. I still wish it was me, I still hear him blaming me.
.......
Have you ever experienced a life or death situation? A time when you had to make a split second decision? A time where you really regretted that decision? I sadly say I have... this is my story.
It was the night before the forth of July three years ago. My brother, my father, my mother, and I were on my grandfather's farm in Tennessee. We had juss gotten back from shooting off fireworks that my brother and I had been able to buy with chore money we had saved willingly for about three months. While we were shooting off the fireworks, my brother and I were constantly arguing about stupid things like who gets to light the fuse on each one. It was very sad because we ended up getting into a hardcore wrestling match. " Stop it you two," my dad called out in a calm yet harsh voice. We stopped, no questions asked. My dad was a very sensitive and caring man who was about 5'9 with short brown hair and blue eyes. I got his genes. He is, however, not someone you would want to mess with despite his niceness because when he does get mad, everyone knows. Of course when my brother and I got off of each other we exchanged some words that were very uncalled for. This was something I never thought I would ever regret. After this fiasco, we all went back to the old, red brick country house that my grandfather used to live in and went straight to bed.
The next day, just to smooth things out with my brother, I came up with the idea of going to the river about a mile down a steep rocky hill behind the house. When we got there, we noticed a tire swing that went over the river. We thought this was the coolest thing in the world. Sadly for me I couldn't swim. It really sucked because when I saw my brother get on the swing I wanted so bad to do the same. I just kind of wished. I sat and watched my brother swing higher and higher until he got over the river. Thats when it happend. My fear was so strong I could not breath, couldn't speak. The only thing that was coming out were wimpers that not even I could tell what I was trying to say. As my brother was about to let go, I saw a small piece of drift wood coming down the river. By the time I could squeek out, " Ryan, look out!," it was too late. He had let go of the swing a little too late and came down on top of the drift wood and hit his head. " Ryan!," I yelled with my voice full of horror. He was still alive trying to swim, but his neck was badly cut. But wait, there was something else wrong. He was completely opposite of me in every way, including the fact that he was an excellent swimmer. But for some reason, he couldn't stay above the water. Sadly, my brother had both his injury and the strong current keeping him from being able to swim. We never even really thought about the current. I sat there and watched pop in and out of the water like a fishing bobber. I couldn't move, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't swim. I just stood there completely motionless as I watched my brother drown right in front of my eyes. Should I jump in and try to save him? If I did would I be able to help him by pulling him out? These questions were running through my mind in the thirty seconds that my brother was able to fight for his life. I was too far from the house to try to go back. I could hear my brother constantly yelling to me, " Nathan help me, please, help me!" I was terrified. I can't believe I just sat there and watched my brother just lose his life. I watched him down to the last second when the blood -filled muddy, cold hearted water grasped him for the last time and took him under for good. "Oh my God, oh my God, I cried."
This was an incident that happened three years ago. After that day, I remember for months on in when Ryan would come to me in my dreams telling me that I hated him, that I didn't try to save him. The truth is, it's true. I didn't try and it is all my fault that he is gone. In that split second situation, it was either my life or his, what was I to do.. .I did the wrong thing. I let my brother drown and I watched the whole time! I can never forgive myself for doing that... I loved him so much despite everything we argued about.
After that day, everything changed for me. I was so heartbroken, ashamed, and distressed that I was constantly trying to take my own life so that I could be with Ryan again. It never worked. I was too much of a sissy to do anything drastic. Everyone told me that he went to a better place and that I would see him again. But I believe that I don't deserve to see him again... I am going to the deepest and darkest pits of hell for just watching my brothers life be ripped apart by something that I could have prevented. It was all my idea to go to the river. I saw how bad the river was, but I still let him go and swing. I deserved to die then and I still do to this day, three years later. I still wish it was me, I still hear him blaming me.