Le sigh
I know I don't update much except for when I'm troubled and this entry sadly does not break with tradition. I was dating someone this summer for just about two months and it came to an abrupt end last Thursday. I knew I liked him but until I witnessed my own reaction to the breakup I had no idea how much I did. I'm beginning to realize a few things about myself through these rare experiences. When I'm at my lowest I get a glimpse of my coping skills. I'm not having an abnormal reaction to a breakup...but it isn't everyday that you can't leave your room for two days because...well you just can't. I'm happy to say I got out and did something yesterday (Saturday) and it was a tremendous help. I've already made plans for today (Sunday) so hopefully I will keep busy and not be distracted with sadness.
I plan on keeping in contact with him but in a way...what he was to me is gone. I will miss him so much. I will miss the way he held me, or how he would do any and everything for me. While I know he would still do the same for me even now, it's not the same. I know that I will eventually move on...and feel no more sadness. One thing I've noticed is that it surprisingly does get easier to bounce back from something like this. Granted this relationship only lasted two months, I still spent an immense amount of time with him. Nearly every waking moment.
I never feel like dating anyone else right after this happens...but I always wonder what will come my way next...and how long it will last. I have an unwritten rule that I will never date someone without the intention of an extremely long term relationship. I have criteria for who I like....but it's quite flexible. I usually act on feeling, when I use a 'checklist' of sorts it turns out to be worthless. I know I will grow from this, and that's a definite plus...the process of gaining this new knowledge is sooooo damn painful. Ugh. I am proud to say that I have no hard feelings. I used anger to get over my last major boyfriend and while it helped me get over the relationship...it nearly screwed up a friendship.
I plan on keeping my distance from Joe for some time...one reason being that I cry everytime I see him. The second is because I need to get used to not enjoying his company everyday. I tried a 'shock' technique last time where I try to pretend like nothing happens and hang around the ex a lot...but that is an awful awful strategy. When I'm ready to reach out I will test the water slowly and attempt to establish as strong a friendship as there was in our relationship. Joe was not only my boyfriend but he was also my best friend. I trusted him with some of my deepest secrets and I know I still can...I just have to approach it in a different manner. Ugh...I'm rambling and I know this sounds like a 5th grade free writing composition...but I know its healthy to get your thoughts out. Welp...I'm getting tired so I'll call it a night.
I will close with what was on my fortune cookie tonight: "Versatility is one of your outstanding traits." While I don't believe in miracles, psychic powers, or fortunes...I do believe in inspiration. Everything you experience in life is open to interpretation and I'm taking this message as a reminder that I am loved no matter where I go. I try my best to respect others and make as many friends as possible...its times like this that I am truly grateful for everyone who returns the favor.
I plan on keeping in contact with him but in a way...what he was to me is gone. I will miss him so much. I will miss the way he held me, or how he would do any and everything for me. While I know he would still do the same for me even now, it's not the same. I know that I will eventually move on...and feel no more sadness. One thing I've noticed is that it surprisingly does get easier to bounce back from something like this. Granted this relationship only lasted two months, I still spent an immense amount of time with him. Nearly every waking moment.
I never feel like dating anyone else right after this happens...but I always wonder what will come my way next...and how long it will last. I have an unwritten rule that I will never date someone without the intention of an extremely long term relationship. I have criteria for who I like....but it's quite flexible. I usually act on feeling, when I use a 'checklist' of sorts it turns out to be worthless. I know I will grow from this, and that's a definite plus...the process of gaining this new knowledge is sooooo damn painful. Ugh. I am proud to say that I have no hard feelings. I used anger to get over my last major boyfriend and while it helped me get over the relationship...it nearly screwed up a friendship.
I plan on keeping my distance from Joe for some time...one reason being that I cry everytime I see him. The second is because I need to get used to not enjoying his company everyday. I tried a 'shock' technique last time where I try to pretend like nothing happens and hang around the ex a lot...but that is an awful awful strategy. When I'm ready to reach out I will test the water slowly and attempt to establish as strong a friendship as there was in our relationship. Joe was not only my boyfriend but he was also my best friend. I trusted him with some of my deepest secrets and I know I still can...I just have to approach it in a different manner. Ugh...I'm rambling and I know this sounds like a 5th grade free writing composition...but I know its healthy to get your thoughts out. Welp...I'm getting tired so I'll call it a night.
I will close with what was on my fortune cookie tonight: "Versatility is one of your outstanding traits." While I don't believe in miracles, psychic powers, or fortunes...I do believe in inspiration. Everything you experience in life is open to interpretation and I'm taking this message as a reminder that I am loved no matter where I go. I try my best to respect others and make as many friends as possible...its times like this that I am truly grateful for everyone who returns the favor.